I am the third woman and I am hurting badly, very badly. And I know if his wife finds out, she would be torn apart as well. But he loves me, just not enough to leave his wife and be with me. I cry every night. We both ask God why we didnt meet earlier.
Is it wrong to love somebody? Can we choose who we fall for? At least she gets to be with him everyday, whilst I can only wait till when he's free.
I really want to be strong. But I love him. so much.
Sweetheart, you better cross ALL of your I and dot all of your T because you have been very insensitve to this girl. We all have weakness and areas to grow in and you are no different. Teach her ...dont kick her.
Quote:
Originally posted by Just A Girl2
You trust a guy who cheats on his wife? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Originally posted by NEONINK
You almost made a convincing reason to have a wife and a mistress until YOU SAID: "because my attention could not be in two places at once".
To truly LOVE someone, not infactuation or lust, but love, leaves no room for anyone else. Children can be a by-product, but even they take back seat to the relationship. They will leave one day, and only your significant other will be there. You will get old one day, and only your significant other will be there.
The heart is one unit, not separate units that can be doled out at will.
This is sooooo true, I'm gonna read this one over and over so I can tell my mm goodbye. He even admits he's stressed out living a double life and needs help...but no action yet on his part to file for a divorce, like he keeps saying he'll do. Guess living a double life and lying is easier and safer for him than a clean, honest one, which I want, darn it. Reading all these posts help alot, I hope it helps you too.
Are you nuts!!!! He is MARRIED that means he is UNAVAILABLE!!! You mean nothing to him, if he really loved you he would of left his wife. Most married men are not going to leave their wives. They have too much to lose. He just wants a little something different on the side.
I KNOW HOW THIS FEELS. I VE BEEN DOING IT FOR A YEAR. AND IT IS HARD. CURRENTLY I HAVE THREATENED TO LEAVE HIM ALONE TO FIND A LOVE WHO WILL BE MINE AND ONLY MINE, BUT HE IS DOING THE DIVORCE THING NOW SO I AM OK. MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME.
hi everyone. I've been reading these posts and some have made me feel much better but some have made me feel guilty.
I've been seeing my married man for about 7 months but we have been friends for about a year. he is 26 and i am 20. we work together and my father is out boss and also his brother and brother in law (yes his wives brother) also work with us. he has been married for 4 years and i (believe it or not) have been married for a year. i am in the middle of a divorce but I'm not leaving for my other man i am leaving because my husband was abusive.
we started out as friends. he was the only person at work who could make me smile. we have unbelievably mindless jobs and work ridiculous hours. i was very depressed and he always made me happy. at first we would just go out for drinks after work but then one day we kissed and it has continued on from there. we have slept together but that is not what our relationship is about. we need each other more for the emotional support we get from one another that we don't get from our own spouses than for the sexual gratification. i often wonder what would happen if he left his wife. it would be awesome to spend more time together but honestly i couldn't trust him. he cheated on his pregnant wife with some girl he works with. but i just cant stop how i feel. I LOVE HIM with all my heart. when i think of the way he treats me in comparison to how my abusive husband treats me it make me laugh at how stupid i was to marry someone who would point a loaded gun at me as a joke!
i have so much more to say but i think this post is getting a little long i have no one to talk to about my situation so whatever responses anyone has i would be more than happy to read them. this has made me feel much better already.
How do you know when it's right to date a married man?
Never.
It is *never* ok. No matter what the excuse is, the long flowery story, the loopholes you create... It is *never* ok.
So if you try to justify it, if you find yourself making excuses for why it is ok, remember--- it is *always* as simple as this:
It is *never* ok to date a married man.
There is a reason that it is *illegal*. It's not a gray area. It's incontrovertible.
Yes, that's correct, adultery is *illegal*. Check it out. Call your Secretary of State's office. And if you are sleeping with a married man, you are committing adultery. Not only is the act illegal, but the wife can actually sue you for alienation of affection. Sit in denial all you want, but if you're in that situation, you're what society calls a "homewrecker". Does that sound harsh to you? Is that a slap in the face? Gosh. I'll tell you, it's nothing compared to what the faithful spouse will feel when he/she finds out about you. Was I supposed to pretty it up? Call it something nicer?
So there you go. Looking for validation? Not gonna get it from me. Looking for someone to tell you that you're the one exception because your set of circumstances are so dramatically different from all those others'? It's not gonna happen. Read the stories around here. EVERYONE has some set of excuses at to why they are the exception and should be let off the hook from being sorted out per what they are really doing.
Harsh, true, to the point. You can't hide from it. You can't dress it up and call it "starcrossed lovers" or some such B.S.
You, my dear, and this applies to anyone reading these forums looking for validation, are not the exception.
__________________
The man who marries his mistress leaves a vacancy for that position.
i was very depressed and he always made me happy. at first we would just go out for drinks after work but then one day we kissed and it has continued on from there. we have slept together but that is not what our relationship is about. we need each other more for the emotional support we get from one another that we don't get from our own spouses than for the sexual gratification. i often wonder what would happen if he left his wife. it would be awesome to spend more time together but honestly i couldn't trust him. he cheated on his pregnant wife with some girl he works with. but i just cant stop how i feel. I LOVE HIM with all my heart. when i think of the way he treats me in comparison to how my abusive husband treats me it make me laugh at how stupid i was to marry someone who would point a loaded gun at me as a joke!
Re-read here what you wrote. You have the answers within you. Be strong.
It sounds like you need some nice girl friends to hang out with - To talk to and get support from, not this guy, who is married AND alot of family members work with you all.
Some one on one therapy could help you - Especially since you're leaving an abusive marriage. Ofcourse you can't trust. It will take a while to feel strong and be able to have that trust again...So why go for this MM when you know inside that he's done this before, and cheated on his pregnant wife??? You're just going to hurt yourself more and more, this is an unncessary hurt - A BIG HURT - that you can prevent.
You say you love him? He treats you better than your husband? OK, in some way yes, he does but he is still hurting you because he is married and has kids.
Put you first, you need to look after your needs and make yourself happy. Don't need a man to make you feel worthy. Loneliness, I understand, but that is where friends/family come into play in this situation.
My post is meant to be read in the same space as "He's Just Not That Into You".
Once you realize the basic truth of it, it can be liberating.
Imagine all the emotional contortions you can get yourself out of if you accept this one fact.
I'm not saying you're a bad human being, but that situation is *never* ok. Get out of it. Go do great things without the dead weight of those surroundings.
maybe it helps to hold somebodies hand whilst you make this brave move, just remember that you cannot rely on him for very long and that it will be added pain at some point. it is up to you if you think you can make use of him to ease you through this difficult time then go for it, if however you really feel what it would feel to accept he was just using you and cannot handle it then try to leave both these relationships at once.
get some therapy, really as everyone else said and some friends and whatever you can to help you through this time. you are being really brave, i really dont think you need the added pain of this relationship. if you read the threads here you will see that people suffer in these relationships under normal circumstances, when you have other things to contend with it can make it so much worse.
on the other hand, whilst i went thru my relationship with mm i was having the most terrible time in my life, he never knew it tho, but looking back, i wonder if being with him actually helped me thru it. sure its painful now but nothing compared with the pain i was already experiencing.
just some things to consider xx
Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 25th April 2005 at 6:20 PM..
Reason: Courtesy paragraphs.
....been there, done that - 3 TIMES....one thing bears repeating: the guy that you've been having an affair with, won't be the same guy when he's going through a divorce.
The first two MM's I dated are now divorced and in the process of a divorce respectively. In hindsight, when I see them now I study their faces and listen carefully and wonder...what was so great about HIM? I'm no longer physical with either of them now and have no desire to be.
It's all about fantasy: no bills, no everyday worries, the thought about what could be - makes for a beautiful relationship. I'm still with #3, a much younger man, and right now everything is 'perfect', we're 'soul mates', he's the 'love of my life'....and on and on....
By the way, I was married to an abusive s**t too, for 9 years and MM's sweetness keeps me hanging on. Get out of your abusive marriage as soon as possible, but be aware MM is NOT the answer to your prayers honey. Take care and I wish you all the best!!
Originally posted by yellowrose
How do you know when it's right to date a married man?
Never.
It is *never* ok. No matter what the excuse is, the long flowery story, the loopholes you create... It is *never* ok.
So if you try to justify it, if you find yourself making excuses for why it is ok, remember--- it is *always* as simple as this:
It is *never* ok to date a married man.
There is a reason that it is *illegal*. It's not a gray area. It's incontrovertible.
Yes, that's correct, adultery is *illegal*. Check it out. Call your Secretary of State's office. And if you are sleeping with a married man, you are committing adultery. Not only is the act illegal, but the wife can actually sue you for alienation of affection. Sit in denial all you want, but if you're in that situation, you're what society calls a "homewrecker". Does that sound harsh to you? Is that a slap in the face? Gosh. I'll tell you, it's nothing compared to what the faithful spouse will feel when he/she finds out about you. Was I supposed to pretty it up? Call it something nicer?
So there you go. Looking for validation? Not gonna get it from me. Looking for someone to tell you that you're the one exception because your set of circumstances are so dramatically different from all those others'? It's not gonna happen. Read the stories around here. EVERYONE has some set of excuses at to why they are the exception and should be let off the hook from being sorted out per what they are really doing.
Harsh, true, to the point. You can't hide from it. You can't dress it up and call it "starcrossed lovers" or some such B.S.
You, my dear, and this applies to anyone reading these forums looking for validation, are not the exception.
Immoral.. not illegal. I don't know as how anyone's looking for validation.. or for you to say it's ok. I think people just come here for advice.. Not for people to jump all over them..
And I also can't believe how many perfect people we have here. Nobody has ever done anything wrong? I don't see as how anybody has the right to be as mean and judgemental as you people have been..
Well said Erika, too many people still miss the point - OW aren't necessarily looking for validation, this is a place where you can say what you can't talk about in everyday life. Some of us have NO ONE to talk to about it. It feels good to be able to unload and also to know that you're not the only one in this situation.
And a P.S. to everyone writing 'it's wrong....blah blah blah' ....we know, o.k.?
Originally posted by ThisGirlNameKD
For anyone who believes that things "just happen", they are VERY immature. Mature adults have the ability to control their thoughts, their feelings, their attitudes and their behavior. I agree with Hokey, in that if you realize you have improper romantic feelings (and they are improper because that person doesn't belong to you), you can choose whether to develop those feelings or to leave the situation alone. Just because you have romantic feelings for someone who is married, or someone you can't have does not mean YOU HAVE TO ACT ON THEM!!
I disagree, people do not have the ability to control their thoughts or feelings. You can't decide who you fall for, what you think about, how you feel -- that does just happen. Of course you can control your behavior, you can control what you do and how you act, but there is no way you can control your feelings or thoughts. I mean, do you think about what you are going to think about? No, you just think, it happens. And maybe you have an improper thought or feeling, you can leave the situation alone, but that doesn't neccesarily mean it will stop your feelings -- absence makes the heart grow fonder. Of course you don't HAVE to act on them, because that you can control. But there is no way you can control your feelings; you don't decide who you fall for, or why you fall for them, you just do.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
i have no one to talk to about my situation so whatever responses anyone has i would be more than happy to read them. this has made me feel much better already.
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