Hello, I am seventeen years old and my boyfriend is eighteen. I met my boyfriend when I was sixteen after a hard break up with my ex who was his best friend. I am having such a huge conflict here's how my story goes, I'm going to use code names so I do not reveal these real people. My current boyfriend's name will be Sam and my ex will be called Jack:
I never knew Sam (my current boyfriend codename), I knew his friend first (Jack) so I know that I was not unfair to my current boyfriend because I never knew him before Jack. I had never even met him or ever heard about him. My ex, Jack, is a very disloyal, and untrustworthy person. He has had sex with over 22 different women. I met him when he had sex with 11 or 12. When I began talking to him, I wasn't really impressed. I just didn't click with him as I had hoped. My friend and her boyfriend (who happened to also be friends with Jack and Sam) began to severely alter my thinking. They had tricked me into believing he was a good guy and I was totally unaware of his past. I feel so terrible for ever giving him a chance. Jack and I eventually dated and he tricked me and lied to me repeatedly. Jack then became a lot more forceful and had begun to frighten me. He often would give me serve threats and even eventually pinned me down to have sex with him. I feel terrible because I was so scared and it was my virginity he stole away from me. I also feel so bad because I know that it was partly my fault and I feel disgusting. I feel like such a slut and so worthless.
A few weeks later after I racked the courage to finally end it with Jack (We only dated a few days), I hung out with Sam randomly. He was so nice and we just clicked instantly. We shortly began talking and he finally asked me out. I was so happy and I truly fell in love with him. We finally had sex and it felt so special and so wonderful to me. He was a virgin and I explained what happened to me....
After we started having sex we started to have a few problems. He began to obsess over my past life and dwell on it. He cut off his relationship with Jack. After about four or five months he began to lie and hang out with people behind my back while I stayed at home for him because he got very jealous of other guys. He began cutting and feeling hopeless. He entered a horrible depression and it really altered our relationship. I couldn't understand why he used it against me so much and I felt like less of a person. He claimed he loved me and I know that he does it's just that the situation has gotten so difficult. We dated for seven months. He broke up with me a few days ago after having such a long relationship and is already dating a new girl. He has only known her for a couple days and I am so jealous and upset. I cannot eat, cannot function, cannot do anything. I have cut myself from friends and everything. His jealousness hurt me. The fact that he hurt truly hurt me. I wanna get back together with him so bad. I did a lot of research and apparently this isn't a rare problem. I know having sex sometimes becomes a competition for some guys and he is dating this girl just to have sex with her. I feel terrible because we still talk and he still confesses everything to me. I am so angry but I want him back.
My main question for advice is how should I handle this? I know that him having sex with her will change his opinion of me because he told me that he doesn't judge her because she has had sex with someone before she will eventually have sex with Sam. I am very sad and I hurt very much. He told me over and over and even shed tears that he really wishes to be with me just he cannot deal with the pain and heart ache right now. Should I let him just have sex with her and expect him to come back to me? Or should I just move on?
He doesn't ask to have sex so I know that he does deep down really care about me and everyone around me really believes that he will come back. I am just so confused and so lonely. Please, any advice will help.
Last edited by klm885; 7th November 2009 at 2:06 PM..
Hello, I am seventeen years old and my boyfriend is eighteen. I met my boyfriend when I was sixteen after a hard break up with my ex who was his best friend. I am having such a huge conflict here's how my story goes, I'm going to use code names so I do not reveal these real people. My current boyfriend's name will be Sam and my ex will be called Jack:
I never knew Sam (my current boyfriend codename), I knew his friend first (Jack) so I know that I was not unfair to my current boyfriend because I never knew him before Jack. I had never even met him or ever heard about him. My ex, Jack, is a very disloyal, and untrustworthy person. He has had sex with over 22 different women. I met him when he had sex with 11 or 12. When I began talking to him, I wasn't really impressed. I just didn't click with him as I had hoped. My friend and her boyfriend (who happened to also be friends with Jack and Sam) began to severely alter my thinking. They had tricked me into believing he was a good guy and I was totally unaware of his past. I feel so terrible for ever giving him a chance. Jack and I eventually dated and he tricked me and lied to me repeatedly. Jack then became a lot more forceful and had begun to frighten me. He often would give me serve threats and even eventually pinned me down to have sex with him. I feel terrible because I was so scared and it was my virginity he stole away from me. I also feel so bad because I know that it was partly my fault and I feel disgusting. I feel like such a slut and so worthless.
A few weeks later after I racked the courage to finally end it with Jack (We only dated a few days), I hung out with Sam randomly. He was so nice and we just clicked instantly. We shortly began talking and he finally asked me out. I was so happy and I truly fell in love with him. We finally had sex and it felt so special and so wonderful to me. He was a virgin and I explained what happened to me....
After we started having sex we started to have a few problems. He began to obsess over my past life and dwell on it. He cut off his relationship with Jack. After about four or five months he began to lie and hang out with people behind my back while I stayed at home for him because he got very jealous of other guys. He began cutting and feeling hopeless. He entered a horrible depression and it really altered our relationship. I couldn't understand why he used it against me so much and I felt like less of a person. He claimed he loved me and I know that he does it's just that the situation has gotten so difficult. We dated for seven months. He broke up with me a few days ago after having such a long relationship and is already dating a new girl. He has only known her for a couple days and I am so jealous and upset. I cannot eat, cannot function, cannot do anything. I have cut myself from friends and everything. His jealous hurt me. The fact that he hurt truly hurt me. I wanna get back together with him so bad. I did a lot of research and apparently this isn't a rare problem. I know having sex sometimes becomes a competition for some guys and he is dating this girl just to have sex with her. I feel terrible because we still talk and he still confesses everything to me. I am so angry but I want him back.
My main question for advice is how should I handle this? I know that him having sex with her will change his opinion of me because he told me that he doesn't judge her because she has had sex with someone before she will eventually have sex with Sam. I am very sad and I hurt very much. He told me over and over and even shed tears that he really wishes to be with me just he cannot deal with the pain and heart ache right now. Should I let him just have sex with her and expect him to come back to me? Or should I just move on?
The above bolded section is what you should be focused on. What he did was rape. Holding you down and forcing you to have sex with them is absolutely rape, no question. I understand that right now your focus is getting back with Sam and for now you may need to put that aside and deal with whatever issues were caused during the short time you knew Jack.
I have a couple of questions for you. Are your parents aware that you're sexually active? Is this a situation where you could make your mother or father or another close relative or adult friend aware of what's happened to you?
__________________
it's easy to feel beaten down by logic. -Quankanne
I have a couple of questions for you. Are your parents aware that you're sexually active? Is this a situation where you could make your mother or father or another close relative or adult friend aware of what's happened to you?
My parents are aware that I am sexually active. They are also fully okay with it. Well, I know my mother whom I live with is a bit disappointed but she accepts me. She really likes Sam though. Both my parents met Sam. I have a really hard time opening up to anyone about anything that makes me unhappy. I have told my mother that I have had sex with one other person besides Sam and I have told her our full situation.
No one but Sam knows what happened to me. I finally confessed to him last night when we were on the phone. He really felt so terrible and he really sounded concerned and he even said it was rape. He has been friends with Jack before and he told me that Jack has done this to many other girls.
If Jack forced himself on you, you need to go to someone with this information. It is not healthy to hold it in. I'd be dealing with that before worrying about a new boyfriend. It also sounds like Sam has his own issues, and he has to come to terms with those himself.
If Jack forced himself on you, you need to go to someone with this information. It is not healthy to hold it in. I'd be dealing with that before worrying about a new boyfriend. It also sounds like Sam has his own issues, and he has to come to terms with those himself.
I don't know, the main issue that comes to mind for me is being with Sam. That's who I really want right now and I feel empty without him.
I don't know, the main issue that comes to mind for me is being with Sam. That's who I really want right now and I feel empty without him.
You're main issue should be coming to terms with being raped. You're 17, many other guys will come along. There will be Sam, Bob, George, Greg, Matt, ect ect. If Sam is truly who you should be with, he'll be there after he gets himself together and after you deal with what happened to you.
If Jack forced himself on you, you need to go to someone with this information. It is not healthy to hold it in. I'd be dealing with that before worrying about a new boyfriend. It also sounds like Sam has his own issues, and he has to come to terms with those himself.
I absolutely agree with this. I know right now you are focused on how to work things out with Sam. In the meantime, why don't you print out your original post and have your mom read it. Believe it or not she once was 17 too and can probably help you with how to deal with both issues. In order to put your life in a place where you can make choices about why you want to be with Sam or anyone else, you need to come to terms with what happened to you.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
My Boyfriend's Obsession With My Past Sex-Life
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