I joined these forums seeking help, but if the last two replies are any indication, I may be in the wrong place
You're not in the wrong place at all, there are plenty that will help, don't stray so quickly.
However, I feel the same way the two of them do. I'm not the even close to the same age as her H, but I do feel right now as if I wasted the past 6 years of my life on someone that just up and left everything I ever did for her. I gave up college and even my own health at times for her. So I get where they are coming from.
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it leave never would you, you show could I if
Ok let me clarify something. Yes, I got married "young" although there are plenty of people that wouldn't consider marrying at 25 young. I look back now and realize that I was young - and probably not ready. But I wanted to marry him and made that decision. Any doubts I had I chalked up to being immature and needing to grow up. I tried so hard.
It wasn't always an awful marriage. I thought it would work. We have shared a lot together in 14 years. We have had 3 kids together and for the most part, have held together a happy family. I never understood why I wasn't fully happy. I pushed those feelings to the side for years. I can remember being curled up in bed in a fetal position crying my eyes out years and years ago and him asking what was wrong and me saying, "I just don't know!" And i didn't. His advice was always to go buy myself something so I could feel better.
He has been a decent husband but also a very controlling one. Someone on here posted something about a mother/son relationship. Well this has been more of a father/daughter one. He has controlled pretty much everything and has been more of a father to me than anything. I never realized this until I myself seeked therapy.
Since July we have been going to therapy. I have been honest with him and there has been many tears. We have finally come to an agreement that to move ahead with this is for the best. I bawled my eyes out last Sunday because I realized this is about to become so final. Trust me, this isn't how I saw my life turning out. I had high hopes that I would be married forever. I can't help my feelings for him. Theyre just not there. Trust me, if I could make this work, I would. But then I would be living a lie. I've grown and changed.
Please don't judge - you don't know my situation and what I have been going through internally for the the last 5 years. This isn't like I have woken up and said "yeah I am done with him now". It isn't like that. I am fully aware of the hurt I am causing him and it kills me. I do care deeply for him and he knows this.
I wouldn't wish this on anyone. He isn't in an easy position yet neither am I. Just because one decides to end a marriage - doesn't make that person a bad guy. People change. Feelings change. It's part of life.
I wouldn't wish this on anyone. He isn't in an easy position yet neither am I. Just because one decides to end a marriage - doesn't make that person a bad guy. People change. Feelings change. It's part of life.
And this is exactly why it is always better to be a strong individual entering a relationship - to have the strength to stay in one or to end one. With years and experience comes wisdom- I am sorry you had to learn this way.
Make your own happiness- never rely on someone else to give you happiness . If you never lose your inner happiness no man can ever take it away from you. Just as you said "people change, feelings change, it's part of life". Those statements are very powerful and true. I always try to give the best of myself to others but not everyone deserves it. Be selective who you chose to trust, support and cherish.Being single again is a great opportunity to explore your spiritual growth and freedom to be or do as you please. You were blessed with 3 kids - 3 beautiful reasons to keep on living...I wish you lots of strength,wisdom and good luck.
I have been doing a lot of research online about divorce, mediation, effects of divorce on kids etc and came across this forum. So nice to have so many questions answered in one spot.
I am 40 yrs old, been married for 14 years, 3 children - and not in love with my husband. He, on the other hand, loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Me, not so much.
It's a long, drawn out story and I am not sure where I would begin. So I will just wrap this up with saying, I don't have feelings of love for my husband even though he is a decent husband. We have a beautiful home and 3 beautiful kids. He works, I don't. I have everything I have ever wanted except the marriage I have always wanted. We have been in therapy for a long time - but I know my feelings for him will never change. He is saddened and hurt beyond belief.
I come from a family where no one gets divorced. You MAKE it work. My family knows my plight and is supportive yet devastated. My mom keeps telling me I need to make this work and not "destroy my family". My husband wants to do everything we can to stay together. Sadly, I love him like a brother - and I don't know too many people that want to sleep with their brothers.
There is more to my story but I feel so new here and not yet willing to disclose everything. Just wondering if there are any others out there that are in my situation. Where one is in love with the other - but the other just wants it to be over?
Have you met another man that you want to become involved with? Did you ever have romantic feelings toward your husband?
Have you met another man that you want to become involved with? Did you ever have romantic feelings toward your husband?
I have another thread in here that I wrote after this one - coming clean on everything.
Sadly, I never had real romantic feelings toward my husband. But I didn't realize this until the last few years. I thought what him and I had was mature and what a real couple was supposed to have with eachother. We both have looked back and he will say (in therapy) how passionate it was and amazing. I look at him because I honestly don't remember it ever being that way.
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