[Stung]

We are a blended family, so things get crazy around the holidays. Also complicating matters is the fact that my husband's side of the family is HUGE and there are a billion young cousins who love to spend the time together and put a lot of pressure on my family who can't 'compete' in that way (Pop-pop and Gram are great but not quite as much fun to run around with as same-age troublemaker cousins).

Fortunately my family is pretty flexible and actually has a tradition of celebrating on different days, for example my parents host our Thanksgiving dinner on the Friday after, so nobody has to deal with horrible traffic and I can have Thanksgiving with my MIL guilt-free. Also my dad's extended family (my aunts and cousins) celebrate our family Christmas in mid-December, usually around the 15th, so everybody can fly in without dealing with jacked-up airfares and airport crowd madness, and the cousins can spend Christmas proper with their wives families. We've been having that off-Christmas for almost two decades now and it works great.

My mom is a stickler for Christmas Eve, so we spend Christmas Eve with my parents, always. Sometimes this gets a little tricky to navigate with my stepdaughter, who likes to come to Christmas Eve with us but sometimes gets co-opted by her maternal grandmother that night. Christmas Day we spend the afternoon at my husband's mom's with all the sisters and cousins etc. (My stepdaughter is always with her own mother for Christmas morning).

It's complicated, and it makes for some extra cooking and gift-buying, but it works.

[Lauriebell82]

Fiance and I usually got to his parents for thanksgiving every year. They live 5 hours away and my parents live 20 minutes away. We then will have dinner with my parents and sister when we get back into town. Then we spend Christmas Eve with my family and get up very early on Christmas morning to drive to his parents for the rest of the weekend. It has worked out well so far.

The best way I think is just to reach a compromise where both parties are happy.

[IlluminatedShadows]

Originally Posted by Star Gazer

BF and I are going to spend these holidays together, but we have to figure out with which family on which days.

Any thoughts? How have you worked this out in your relationships?

A good way that works is try to decide which holiday is more important to the "fussy" or upset set of parents. It sounds like that would be his, so I would try to figure out which holday they consider more important to spend with family.

If his mom LOVES christmas, and cant imagine spending it away from her darling, then go there. It will save you the pain of having to listen to her complain about her favorite holiday being "ruined", or same for thanksgiving. That worked well for me, because even though she might be sad you two are gone for one of them, she feels like she gets the better of the two holidays. Good luck!