[ann09]

It is, simply put, the hardest thing to do. Hurting someone you have cared for and built a life with is agonizing. Trust me. I know.

The best thing you can do is talk face to face and be honest. This is YOUR life you're talking about. I tried for a long time to make my marriage work. To conjure up feelings of love for him. But if it's not there, it's not there.

Just blurt it out and start from there. That's what I did. Once the words are out you can't go back. Be sensitive and kind. And a drink or two doesn't hurt either.

[LonelyTiger]

Originally Posted by ann09

It is, simply put, the hardest thing to do. Hurting someone you have cared for and built a life with is agonizing. Trust me. I know.

The best thing you can do is talk face to face and be honest. This is YOUR life you're talking about. I tried for a long time to make my marriage work. To conjure up feelings of love for him. But if it's not there, it's not there.

Just blurt it out and start from there. That's what I did. Once the words are out you can't go back. Be sensitive and kind. And a drink or two doesn't hurt either.

I'm not one to judge the decisions that others make about their lives and ultimately we all have to be true to ourselves in order to be happy.

What I would like to stress is that when you have the conversation to end your marriage, please remember that it isn't just YOUR life you are talking about. It is the other persons life as well.

Whatever you say, you are taking away a huge part of their life. Maybe to them the best part.

While you are planning for your wonderful future you are making them feel helpless and hopeless about theirs.

If you ever truly loved this person, please remember that when you decide to tell them it's over.

[ann09]

Originally Posted by LonelyTiger

I'm not one to judge the decisions that others make about their lives and ultimately we all have to be true to ourselves in order to be happy.

What I would like to stress is that when you have the conversation to end your marriage, please remember that it isn't just YOUR life you are talking about. It is the other persons life as well.

Whatever you say, you are taking away a huge part of their life. Maybe to them the best part.

While you are planning for your wonderful future you are making them feel helpless and hopeless about theirs.

If you ever truly loved this person, please remember that when you decide to tell them it's over.

You are absolutely right. And it's hard to look at that sometimes. I feel like I am in the most selfish stage of my life. If I go through with this - to make myself happy - I am also changing the lives of everyone in my life. That's a huge responsibility.

[Boundary Problem]

I invited him to go for a walk with me around the neighbourhood during the daytime - (so if there is drama you are in public).


He said "we should work on it some more" - I said "Go ahead keep working on your issues, but on your time, not mine". He said OK.

I was expecting drama. But it was fine. It was a scary talk to have, just because the subject was so serious. But that was more about my fear for the future I think.

Just be firm on your position before you start the talk, because they might want more time (insert excuse here).

[DidiLU]

Thank you everyone.

I think the advice to read other persons stories ( on the receiving end ) is a good idea. I agree this is my life, but also agree many people are effected with what happens.

The reasons why I have decided to do this-the history of him and I are not required for this initial question.

I am sorry to those who have been sidetracked and left behind. I am someone who will sidetracked and change someone else's life, and give a great deal of pain. Please understand as someone giving this to another, its not that I don't care about him, its that we aren't were we hoped we'd be.

I have tried and failed and tried and failed many times. This just isn't working anymore.

And while I know the pain I will cause, I have to understand the pain I have been going through as well. Both sides are hurt.

Thanks again.