I've had 4 months, (well actually 7 months if you include the run up to him leaving me) of hell. People say you'll get used to things and you'll find someone else, but I don't want anyone else EVER. Maybe I'm getting used to the abject loneliness bit by bit, but I HATE it. I have frequent suicidal thoughts, was put on anti depressants but the side effects are horrendous so stopped them,
I can't handle the misery, I had quite a lot of support for the first month and bit by bit it's dropped away. I don't make new friends easily, I have social phobia. My ex left cos I neglected him for a couple of years as my life was so busy.
I long to be free of this endless pain, I would have done it by now if I wasn't sure a coward.
Nobody really needs me anymore, except my mum maybe, shows what a sad act I am doesn't it if no-one really cares for me at 43 other than my mum. Yes my friends and ex say they care and need me, but they don't show it anymore. I'm sick of everything and everyone, there's nothing here for me anymore. I asked 2 of my closest friends (sisters) if I could go to their's one eve a week and watch telly but they said they're usually tired in the eves. I don't have many friends and the ones I have are too busy or too depressed/anxious to meet. I spend most days and evenings alone.
I was seeing ex weekly but I have gone NC for 9 days now.
I was loved for 18 years by him and now clearly I'm not loveable anymore. He moved into a flat in July and now he's all happy cos he's found a better flat to move into January, so his life is working out and I'm stuck in the past.
I knew if he left it would be bad but not THIS bad. I can't see a way through it, all I can see is existing in a lonely world and hoping I will die sooner rather than later, while he meets someone else.
I've had 4 months, (well actually 7 months if you include the run up to him leaving me) of hell. People say you'll get used to things and you'll find someone else, but I don't want anyone else EVER. Maybe I'm getting used to the abject loneliness bit by bit, but I HATE it. I have frequent suicidal thoughts, was put on anti depressants but the side effects are horrendous so stopped them,
I can't handle the misery, I had quite a lot of support for the first month and bit by bit it's dropped away. I don't make new friends easily, I have social phobia. My ex left cos I neglected him for a couple of years as my life was so busy.
I long to be free of this endless pain, I would have done it by now if I wasn't sure a coward.
Nobody really needs me anymore, except my mum maybe, shows what a sad act I am doesn't it if no-one really cares for me at 43 other than my mum. Yes my friends and ex say they care and need me, but they don't show it anymore. I'm sick of everything and everyone, there's nothing here for me anymore. I asked 2 of my closest friends (sisters) if I could go to their's one eve a week and watch telly but they said they're usually tired in the eves. I don't have many friends and the ones I have are too busy or too depressed/anxious to meet. I spend most days and evenings alone.
I was seeing ex weekly but I have gone NC for 9 days now.
I was loved for 18 years by him and now clearly I'm not loveable anymore. He moved into a flat in July and now he's all happy cos he's found a better flat to move into January, so his life is working out and I'm stuck in the past.
I knew if he left it would be bad but not THIS bad. I can't see a way through it, all I can see is existing in a lonely world and hoping I will die sooner rather than later, while he meets someone else.
Please don't wish to die......life is here for you. I know it is beyond awful right now but apparently people have been going through this for centuries and surviving. I will survive, you will survive. I was only with my husband for 13.5 years, you said 18....children? I have one aged 9. I sometimes think the pain will literally kill me. But it is not possible. You are on here and we will try & help..
I don't really know your story but i do know you've offered me some quality advice a short while ago
I don't have time to write anything of substance but Jane is right! we are her for you. We all have moments of weakness (some more than others) but with some help from both yourself and us we can get you through the worst of it.
I truly know how you feel, i mean i really do. I wish i could write more. Many on here will offer wise words and past wisdoms. Take their advice and little by little we'll get to a place that's not so harsh
ps: their are many anti-depressents, don't give up on them just yet, it's a case of finding the right ones, even a lower dose
I don't understand what it could be like after an 18 year relationship has ended, but I do hear your pain, really I do. Like you've just been cut. And just like a cut, you are going to feel the pain. It's going to hurt, but it's going to heal.
I don't mean to trivialize your suffering by comparing it to a simple cut, but I do want to remind you of the natural healing process.
I hope you post all you want here and air it out. Share with us here, or with someone you trust, or with a therapist, because it is so helpful once we share what we are going through. Don't try to act like "everything's ok." Because it's not. You are hurting, and it is normal to feel all those things. We are human, capable of great joy and great suffering.
Best wishes to you at this difficult time in your life. Be good to yourself now. Good will follow good.
Hi HoH. I've also had 4 months of hell, and would likely be suicidal if not for having family...I just couldn't do it to them.
So you're not alone.
Are you working? Can you explore the option of another anti-depressant? Are you in counseling? I don't mean to suggest that these are cure-alls. Just wondering.
The feelings you are experiencing are 100% normal.
While an occasional thought of suicide is also normal in the aftermath of trauma, recurring and/or excessive thoughts should be taken seriously.
Perhaps you should speak with a professional. I certainly did when things got dark and unbearable for me. Please consider it, okay?
I'm a little older than you are and I have felt the SAME WAY- I felt worthless, hopeless, and useless. I felt unloved. I had virtually no hope whatsoever. And I had thoughts just like you. I can tell you this with great certaintly: I value you. I might not know you but if you are one of "us" (and you ARE!) here at LS then I NEED YOU.
If the thoughts of ending your life become unbearable and you would like to talk about them either post here as much as you need to or go here: http://www.suicidehotlines.com and pick a FREE number and call. Sometimes it can really help to just talk about how you feel. If you are not in the US then look inside the front cover of your phonebook for a hotline number or call ANY hospital or police station and tell them you would like to talk to someone RIGHT NOW about suicide okay?
I want you to know that I care about you, you have value, and I want you to get through these very hard times WITH me.
I think what you are going through is the stages of grief...
We all have been there (I know I have)...Sitting alone at rock bottom wanting nothing more than to just have everything around us that is tormenting us to disappear at any costs. Life seems to love to dish out these big blows and keep on kicking up when we are down. Misery loves company as well.
You have lost an important piece of you, but the biggest chunk of you is still very much intact and still very much alive eventhough the pain is crushing and often crippling. You were alive and well before this person and must see you can be alive after them as well.
I pray that you will be able to find yourself and your self worth once more. I pray you see that one person cannot be the root of your everlasting happiness...
You are not alone. Please seek some professional help, you would not believe how much it helps just to have someone to talk to.
Many thanks for your support, it helps to know people care
I see a relationship therapist which does help a bit, I sometimes find it better talking to friends.
It helps to know these feelings are normal, I worry that I'm going to have a breakdown or that it's not 'normal' to be feeling this, by brother said to my my mum, after 3 months, that he thought I'd be feeling a bit better by now so I felt a bit crap that I wasn't!
I will check in on the thread each day
Thank you
Quote:
Originally Posted by AliveAndKicking
Dear HeavenOrHell,
The feelings you are experiencing are 100% normal.
While an occasional thought of suicide is also normal in the aftermath of trauma, recurring and/or excessive thoughts should be taken seriously.
Perhaps you should speak with a professional. I certainly did when things got dark and unbearable for me. Please consider it, okay?
I'm a little older than you are and I have felt the SAME WAY- I felt worthless, hopeless, and useless. I felt unloved. I had virtually no hope whatsoever. And I had thoughts just like you. I can tell you this with great certaintly: I value you. I might not know you but if you are one of "us" (and you ARE!) here at LS then I NEED YOU.
If the thoughts of ending your life become unbearable and you would like to talk about them either post here as much as you need to or go here: http://www.suicidehotlines.com and pick a FREE number and call. Sometimes it can really help to just talk about how you feel. If you are not in the US then look inside the front cover of your phonebook for a hotline number or call ANY hospital or police station and tell them you would like to talk to someone RIGHT NOW about suicide okay?
I want you to know that I care about you, you have value, and I want you to get through these very hard times WITH me.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
so I felt a bit crap that I wasn't!
Hybrid Mode
