Thanks for everyone's support, it's much appreciated
I am seeing a relationship therapist but cant afford to see her weekly, if only.
I had a lot of support from friends for the first 4 weeks and then it faded away bit by bit and I feel really alone now, which makes it harder to cope with this NC with my ex, but I wont make the mistake of seeing him cos I'm lonely!
Anti-depressants terrify me, I've had bad experiences in the past with them too, but I will try again if I get any worse, I promise.
I rarely see my family, I would love a family to turn to, but my mum does ring me most days now which is nice, they only live 20 miles away but my dad cant be bothered to drive over. I don't drive and have mild agoraphobia and I can't get there without a car, there are no buses there.
I don't have kids, we chose not to, I thought kids might help you keep going in situations like this, they are somebody to live for and they really need you, or does it make things worse having kids? At least if someone has young kids they're not living in an empty house, I am really struggling with it. I've got a little bit more used to it, but I hate it, it's just me and my dear cat now. I honestly feel that my cat and mum are the only ones who really need me, friends say they care but don't really show it much anymore.
I'm not working as I suffer with long term anxiety and depression, which is why I began the bird/animal care as I wanted to do something worthwhile and fulfilling, I work part time in charity shops voluntarily, which does help, it's kept me going working there.
Hi, no I didn't expect to feel better after 3 months, other people expected me to though Before he left I thought it would take me me at least a year before I felt at all better and probably years before feeling really happy again. I'm worried I will never feel happy again.
So sorry you are suffering too x
Quote:
Originally Posted by Exit
Together 18 years and you expected to feel better after 3 months? No way! It's been almost 7 months for me and I'm grieving only a 1 and a half year relationship.
Nothing is going to cure the pain, but I've found that music and exercise are two of the best things.
I came right here to the computer as soon as I got home from work to check after you- I'm glad you stuck around and posted- it helps so much to get that negative stuff out, huh? You bet it does!
I had to fill my bird-feeder before I came in and got on the comupter though. What would those birds do without us? See? Value! Even ME!
It looks like your post helped out some other folks too. See how that works? I know you do!
___________
Here is something I learned about myself at my ripe old age: Feelings are NOT facts. Let me say that again in case it didn't take the first time:
Feelings are NOT facts!
Feeling: I feel worthless. Fact: I have value. I have many assets. I have skills, I have humor. These are all things that make me have value or "worth".
Feeling: I will always be alone.
Fact: There are literally millions of potentially GREAT partners for me. It is a big world. It feels permenant but it IS temporary. Some lucky gal is gonna loooooooove me like crazy!
Feeling: I'm gonna be miserable forever. Fact: I WILL feel good again. Not tomoorow and probably not next week but I WILL feel better again. In time.
Feeling: No one will miss me if I'm gone. Fact: LOTS of people would miss me. My mom and pop, my sister, a couple friends, all of the customers at my store, my dogs, and even the birds would miss me cuz who else would feed them?
See how the feelings I have are one thing but the facts are a little bit different? We feel all sort s of things. The feelings are real but the thoughts/false beliefs behind them? Not so much.
When we have a relationship end or other traumatic event we ALL have a hard time seperating our feelings/thoughts from the facts.
Maybe you could make a little list like I did above and see if you can seperate the feelings you might be having from the facts. It might seem silly but somethimes that can really help clear one's head out and sort of help us to really see ourselves nin a better healthier light. Give it a try! You don't have to post it- you can do it privately if you wish. I'll bet it will help you feel a little better. It always helps me!
Well I'm gonna go feed my dogs and freshen up now that I'm home from work. I'll be sure and check after you a little later. I want to sit down and read ALL of the responses to this thread- there are some awseome people here and I'll bet I can find something good to help me out.
It sucks being down but god always has something better for us down the road.We do not see it because we are so blinded from our pain but god is there.blessings can come in disguise.Your pain is not forever but after this many years it will take time to feel better, know that you are loved and we all have meaning hear on earth.You are human you hurt as you should but believe you will laugh love and enjoy again.your a beautiful person with so much to give.My Prayers are with you I hope happiness comes soon!
get a dry erase board and everyday find something you are thankful for. write it down on the board. each sunday read over them all and erase. start over each week. i made it through an abusive marriage doing this and believe me i wanted to die everyday for months on end. he isn't worth it, you have plans here and are needed.
First off, it sounds if you are doing much better which is awesome. Now form my experiences it is really easy to get down and dwell on things. All I want to say is dont dwell. Things might seem tough but you sound like a very sweet and caring person.
Dont think you need to change anything about yourself but see this as an oppurtunity to enhance what you have. I mean the world pumps us this idealistic perfect life image that all of us eat up, Well in truth this rarely happens. I was pretty shattered awhile ago but please dont look at it as what you lost but as a chance to gain other things. The most important thing is self worth. I have just went on a first date with a girl and she now occupies my mind and not my ex who I broke up with 3 months ago (whom I dated 4 years). I mean perception is just that, perception. Seriouslly think about that --cliche alert -- a door has closed on your life and one has opened but dont just sit in the hallway or wait for the old one.
I am super shy as well so I know where you are coming from and this isnt a bad thing. My suggestion is think of things that you think are really cool and strive towards achieving them. YOu can even keep a points system where you allocate a point for everything you do, keep track and try to beat your daily record or weekly record. For example,
GO for run = 3 points
Talk to stanger =1 point
Brush teeth after every meal = 1 point
Yoga class= 10 points
Volunteer Work = 20 points
Either way I hope everything is well and we our all hear to listen. Hope tommorow is good for you!!!!
Many thanks Broseph, I am so glad things have improved for you
Quote:
Originally Posted by Broseph
First off, it sounds if you are doing much better which is awesome. Now form my experiences it is really easy to get down and dwell on things. All I want to say is dont dwell. Things might seem tough but you sound like a very sweet and caring person.
Dont think you need to change anything about yourself but see this as an oppurtunity to enhance what you have. I mean the world pumps us this idealistic perfect life image that all of us eat up, Well in truth this rarely happens. I was pretty shattered awhile ago but please dont look at it as what you lost but as a chance to gain other things. The most important thing is self worth. I have just went on a first date with a girl and she now occupies my mind and not my ex who I broke up with 3 months ago (whom I dated 4 years). I mean perception is just that, perception. Seriouslly think about that --cliche alert -- a door has closed on your life and one has opened but dont just sit in the hallway or wait for the old one.
I am super shy as well so I know where you are coming from and this isnt a bad thing. My suggestion is think of things that you think are really cool and strive towards achieving them. YOu can even keep a points system where you allocate a point for everything you do, keep track and try to beat your daily record or weekly record. For example,
GO for run = 3 points
Talk to stanger =1 point
Brush teeth after every meal = 1 point
Yoga class= 10 points
Volunteer Work = 20 points
Either way I hope everything is well and we our all hear to listen. Hope tommorow is good for you!!!!
That is a great idea, thank you hun, and GOOD FOR YOU!
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilbelle
get a dry erase board and everyday find something you are thankful for. write it down on the board. each sunday read over them all and erase. start over each week. i made it through an abusive marriage doing this and believe me i wanted to die everyday for months on end. he isn't worth it, you have plans here and are needed.
Thank you hun, what a lovely post. I am finding this site SO helpful and supportive, I would be lost without it now.
I havent taken any birds in, well hardly any, since April, devoted all my time to my ex, I haven't felt up to it since then, but I hope to take a small number in bit by bit when it feels right. It is such a rewarding thing to do.
It's kind of scary to think I have years ahead of me, eek, like an empty void, but today I have seen a little glimmer of hope that maybe I CAN get through this.
I take in songbirds, pigeons, crows, gulls, I've hand raised hundreds of babies Releasing them is the best feeling
So that I don't get tied to the house again, I may just take adult birds in and also help a couple of days at a nearby wildlife place, when I took in babies they need feeding hourly, so you can hardly leave the house. Are you on facebook? I have some bird photos on there, not many yet though, need to put some more on there, I have hundreds!!
I went to a lovely yoga class today, a very gentle class and at times I got a bit tearful (no-one noticed luckily), it seemed to bring a few things up, at one point I imagined saying to my ex "Thank you for showing me real love for the first time in my life."
I want to make a little book (I am a scrapbooker) with photos and words, filled with memories and feelings, I want to give it to him maybe, not sure, but I just thought it would be cathartic.
With the meds, I tried 2 different ones and after one tablet got scary side effects, I don't think I can do it, they scare me too much, also with the Citaclophram (sp) the doc warned me they can make you more suicidal, and there is no way I can handle it, not when I am on my own most of the time.
Thank you for that link, it looks a good site I am in the UK too and wish there were support groups for broken hearts!
How are you doing today? xx
Quote:
Originally Posted by mickleb
(((((HOH)))))
You poor, sweet lady.
Your revelation that you help injured birds just brought a tear to my eyes. How beautiful. It must take someone especially caring, tender and sensitive to do that. You must have to be so careful and calm with them. What a lovely, lovely thing to do. Bless you.
Okay. Now, I'm a mere 6 years behind you, so if you're telling me it's over once a lady hits 43, you're going to bring me down! I'm putting my fingers in my ears and singing. I can't hear you - it CANNOT be true!
Come on, my lovely. You have half of your life left, at least, I'm guessing. We're all living much longer than we used to, nowadays. You have decades ahead of you and THESE are going to be the best of your life. We're going to make sure of that!
It sucks when friends and family disappear on you when you need them most. Some people are, basically, crap at dealing with other's problems. How are you supposed to learn about life and people if you don't listen to them when something major is going on in their lives? Oh well, I guess some people think they already know enough. Let's hope they do. Glad your mum is there for you. That's really good.
Did you come off your medication without the guidance of a doctor? I did this once. Never again. I felt like SH*T. I would urge you to speak again with whoever prescribed them and explain how they have not worked for you and the effects you experienced. They should take this into account and get it right, this time. You must let them know the minute you have any worries about any tablets you take, though.
Take a peek at www.abandonment.net - it's a very well informed site, specifically for those suffering heartbreak. I wish I could go to one of the support groups but they're all in the US so I'll have to start my own, if I do! Have a peek and see if you find anything useful.
You are doing the right thing by posting here. I can't tell you how much I owe to this site. So glad you're with us. Please keep posting. Tell me about the birds you help. I think that is just the most lovely thing I've heard all day. I'd love to know more.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Before he left I thought it would take me me at least a year before I felt at all better and probably years before feeling really happy again. I'm worried I will never feel happy again.
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