Been seeing my current gf for like 2 months now...I have developed very strong feelings for her and we have seen a lot of one another over this time span, I feel she could possibly be someone I would like to get very serious with and grow with and see where things go. I decided to kinda come clean with my thoughts and current feelings for her and let her know what my intentions are at this point.
She has a bit of a problem with opening up to people and trusting them she said a lot of friends have kinda stuck her in the back over the years and they were supposidly close...I have avoided the issue like the plague, but the other night I could no longer hold in the feelings I have been developing for her came out very nicely and sweet and told her that she is becoming very special to me. I told her if that scares her I am sorry, but I cannot possibly go hold it in any longer. I thought it was a nice gesture and just a small step in what I thought was the direction I want this to be headed. I guess I was expecting a similar response, but i got something a bit different than expected...
She told me it was nice to know how I feel and it does scare her a bit. I asked if she was scared of getting hurt, or scared because she might be feeling the same way I am. She said both...She mentioned about her close friends stabbing her in the back and said no offence to you, but how do I know you wont do the same. She doesnt like to open up and doesnt like to feel vulnerable or putting herself at risk of being hurt. After telling her I had no intentions of hurting her and feel I am in this for the right reasons, she countered me by saying no one ever has those intentions but these things happen....I told her I am not going anywhere, and I know what I am capable of and know what I want in life.
I have been demolished by a few long term relationships in the past, but I realize that the only way to make it work is to take a chance and put myself out there to either be loved unconditionally or rejected. I just felt I was at a point where there were a few things I needed to say, and she needed to hear...
I really kinda regret opening up to her somewhat, but I had to do it and felt it was necessary for my own sanity. But now how do I go about overcoming this obsticle now with this person who I have been building such strong feelings for? How am I ever going to build a loving trusting relationship with her if everytime I try to make a a small step in growing our relationship I feel like I step back. How do I show her I can be trusted?, how can I show her I am worth the risk?
You sound like you have a great attitude: whether it works out, or not, with this girl, never lose that good honest attitude of yours!
Now the onus isn't on you to prove anything to her. You've been upfront and honest and you don't need to do anything more than that - she can see what kind of a guy you are - but she's making noises that she is a bit commitment phobic. Maybe she has trust issues and she can work these out, but maybe she is just plain commitment phobic. Whichever it is, just make sure you are giving her opportunity to prove to YOU that she is a good catch, just like you are consistently doing a good job of proving the same to her. You can be understanding to a point but she needs to reciprocate and make you feel good in this R, and if she doesn't, its time for you to reevaluate...
Women don't like it when their men become emotional bags of molten sugar. Sure, sugar is sweet, but when it's a molten mess, it's disgusting.
You didn't need to barf your feelings into her ear. Women don't need to hear that you have "strong feelings".
So how do you express yourself? Your actions. Take her in your arms, cover her in kisses, make love to her. Let her know that her as a feminine being attracts you like the wild animal that you are. THAT is how you tell a woman how you feel, not this yucky girly talk.
__________________
Welcome to Loveshack.org: Home of the Hopeless and the Bunny Smiley
Hey...what you said was awesome. A decent girl is going to love what you said - but a flaky commitment phobic one? That kind of girl won't appreciate anything..
sam, you don't like or understand women. In my experience, the most effective playahs, were the ones who actually liked and understood women, using a combination of words and actions.
Take a page from some of the online playahs on LS. You'll see the difference of how they attract and maintain female attention. I'd name a few but that would be against the rules.
__________________
ETA for "Bump" June 8, 2010!
Gestating in a life-satisfying way.
Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 5th November 2009 at 3:09 AM..
All I said is she is becoming special to me I didnt sugar coat it...It was more like look, I like you a lot...that was all...It was during a romantic moment...It just kinda came out, and yea I am glad it did...
Im a strong man and very comfortable with my emotions and expressing them both good or bad. Things were said back and forth that I feel both of us needed to hear. She said she feels similar to me but is scared, and honestly Im scared too. Im not going to put up a front or hold back because thats not me.
I dont think shes commitment phobic, and yes I do believe that she does have genuine feelings for me. I do believe that shes just dated some real losers and jerks in the past who have probaly hurt her a bit and that history of her past relationships with guys and friends is kinda keeping her from opening up to me.
I dunno...Maybe I'll just avoid the sweet talk and just resort back to all actions instead...As a man though, sometimes ya know you just want to hear how they are feeling so at times you gota throw out these little feelers if your not getting much feedback.
As a man though, sometimes ya know you just want to hear how they are feeling so at times you gota throw out these little feelers if your not getting much feedback.
If you're not getting any obvious feedback, she doesn't like you very much. If she's not touching you, not kissing you, not doing things for you, and not having sex with you, then you shouldn't be pursuing this relationship.
If you're not getting any obvious feedback, she doesn't like you very much. If she's not touching you, not kissing you, not doing things for you, and not having sex with you, then you shouldn't be pursuing this relationship.
All of that is happening and happens quite regularly...Maybe I just thought the gesture of words to her would have gone over better than it did...I think maybe I over thought the situation a bit and should have bit my tounge...It just happened.
But I didnt, and did say a few things to her...so what is the next course of action? Where can I go from here...I cant tell her I reget those words, simply because I do not, or say I shouldnt have said them, nor can I take them back.
Everyone keeps saying communication is key....I was just trying to be open and communicate to her what I was feeling and what I want.
I guess maybe my feelings are out there now, and I should just let it be... It is now known to her how I feel, now I just gota keep on showing her with my actions....
That's right, Lovegod, if a girl is interested, she will make it obvious without your needing to throw out little "feelers." And JL, you can communicate your feelings to a girl nonverbally through physical contact. Simply being with her, kissing her, anything like that will let her know how you feel.
Last edited by BG1985; 3rd November 2009 at 7:28 PM..
Women don't like it when their men become emotional bags of molten sugar. Sure, sugar is sweet, but when it's a molten mess, it's disgusting.
You didn't need to barf your feelings into her ear. Women don't need to hear that you have "strong feelings".
So how do you express yourself? Your actions. Take her in your arms, cover her in kisses, make love to her. Let her know that her as a feminine being attracts you like the wild animal that you are. THAT is how you tell a woman how you feel, not this yucky girly talk.
+1. OP, either you've been watching too many movies or got advice from the wrong people. No offense, but your post sounds like it was written by a teenage girl. You're a man....so don't go around spewing "sensitive" verbal diarrhea. Like Lovegod said, get her to trust you through your actions, not your words.
Women don't like it when their men become emotional bags of molten sugar. Sure, sugar is sweet, but when it's a molten mess, it's disgusting.
You didn't need to barf your feelings into her ear. Women don't need to hear that you have "strong feelings".
So how do you express yourself? Your actions. Take her in your arms, cover her in kisses, make love to her. Let her know that her as a feminine being attracts you like the wild animal that you are. THAT is how you tell a woman how you feel, not this yucky girly talk.
NOT TRUE.
I'm a woman and I wished my ex would have said that to me. I wouldnt have to guess and it would be have been so special that he felt comfortable enough to open up to me and express his love. People need to see it and HEAR it.
I remember when I first told him I loved him and he shot me down so bad. I wasnt ever able to fully recover. Whether he loved me or not, I always had my doubts and I think the relationship really did suffer. You build upon those moments that are "milestones" in a relationship. If they are ruined it can be extremely hard for it to be an healthy relationship.
Stay open about how you feel. Thats where a lot of men go wrong. They emotionally detach themselves from their girl and women need emotion. Once the emotion is gone then its really hard to continue to grow together in a healthy relationship.
I just hope her behavior doesn't start pulling you away. At first when my ex kept shooting me down I wanted him to see I cared so much and I wasn't going to hurt him but eventually the hurt built up and I just started to pull away.
We were together tonight...Things were good...We talked a lot tonight just about random stuff...
Before she left tonight we kissed I held her close and she did open up to me a little saying...Im sorry about the other night...It takes me a long time to open up to people and I know I have a trust issue that I need to work on. She told me she really likes me and I do make her very happy...
I responded by saying I was sorry for scaring her, and said I wasnt sorry for saying what I did, just I dont want to add pressure to our relationship.
I think I will leave the rest of the talking up to her and show her what I can do through my actions. I am far from insecure about myself..But can see how this comment could be taken as fishing for answers...
We were together tonight...Things were good...We talked a lot tonight just about random stuff...
Before she left tonight we kissed I held her close and she did open up to me a little saying...Im sorry about the other night...It takes me a long time to open up to people and I know I have a trust issue that I need to work on. She told me she really likes me and I do make her very happy...
I responded by saying I was sorry for scaring her, and said I wasnt sorry for saying what I did, just I dont want to add pressure to our relationship.
I think I will leave the rest of the talking up to her and show her what I can do through my actions. I am far from insecure about myself..But can see how this comment could be taken as fishing for answers...
JL,
The men here sound like they've been burned in the past by wearing their hearts on their sleeves. It's unfortunate when your love isn't returned, and you're hurt from an unwanted outcome, but that doesn't mean that you should guard your heart forever more inside an armored tank and never express yourself again. I think it take a strong man to express himself emotionally. Bravo!!
You sound very much like my current bf who's very confident in himself. He pretty much whisked me off of my feet by expressing his feelings early in the relationship to me through 2 songs he sent, then by using his words sparingly. He showed me through passionate lovemaking. I have to agree with one of the men on that one, but it was the combination of those things that made me fall for him, not just the sex. I also expressed a lot of insecurity the way your girlfriend did, because of coming out of a disappointing long term relationship. Even though he had been burned badly by his ex, he remained(and remains) strong, determined, and consistent. I'm also crazy about him, so it didn't take him long to real me in.
I do think some of the men here are right, in that gushing with some women is a bad idea, but at the same time, if you don't verbally express, how are you going to gauge if she's really into you as much as you are into her? I'm talking about when you really like someone as he does. If you run a woman away(or a man for that matter for women) by expressions of emotion, he or she wasn't into you that way.
Come on guys. Show a woman through sex?? Ok. So you're saying that's normal male behavior. So you meet the woman of you're dreams. You want to show love through sex. She, showing typical female behavior, (for some) doesn't want to give up the sex because she thinks you just want to screw her. You clam up, not wanting to be 'Disney' like, so she doesn't give you the sex you want. You lose her. This is the big problem I keep hearing more often than not on CL.
Another scenario: You meet a woman you like who gives you sex, but you never talk emotion(as you suggest should be done), and she dumps you, but you really liked her(which I've done) You're puzzled. The sex was great, but she thought that's all you wanted, so she acted accordingly.
CL, I think you're on the right track, but if she continues to turtle up, and not reciprocate, I think it's a clear message that she's not that into you, and you should move on.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
I hate it when your right.
Hybrid Mode
