So you meet the woman of you're dreams. You want to show love through sex. She, showing typical female behavior, (for some) doesn't want to give up the sex because she thinks you just want to screw her. You clam up, not wanting to be 'Disney' like, so she doesn't give you the sex you want. You lose her.
It's always interesting when women here respond to something they're offended by. The problem with your scenarios is that you're not actually in them. It's a whole different story when the man has met the woman, had fun with her, taken her out for a good time, makes her feel good (non-verbally) and she's experiencing a pleasant emotional overflow. When that happens she WILL have sex and won't be thinking about being used for it.
I honestly can't remember the last time I was turned down for sex because the woman suspected that it was all I wanted. I made her feel good first, made her feel like I was the greatest guy to walk into her life, and made her emotionally and sexually attracted to me.
However, if I would have gone up to a woman I didn't know and said "You wanna fu**" then I'd crash and burn.
Getting a woman into bed takes what you call "chemistry", and I'm a fantastic chemist
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Welcome to Loveshack.org: Home of the Hopeless and the Bunny Smiley
JL, what you did was fantastic. Being open with your feelings takes a much braver man, than the coward who hides shivering, behind a mask.
If you're concerned about her reaction, this is her reaction. One rule of thumb I've always used is that if I reveal a vulnerability and someone uses it against me or has no sensitivity about it, they're not worth my time or emotion.
Now that you've done your thing, it's time for her to step up to the plate.
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ETA for "Bump" June 8, 2010!
Gestating in a life-satisfying way.
It is amazing to see how men and women give such different advice in this thread. The men's advice will probably work if you want other men to think you're a hit with the ladies (i.e. don't say sissy stuff)-but if you actually want to BE a hit with the ladies, as opposed to just having other men think you are, then LISTEN to the WOMEN on here
The right woman will love hearing sweet stuff - it is how us women are made. It is what we want. Yes, gushing is no good, but opening up and saying those sweet words that we want to hear is AWESOME! It is actually part of the reason I fell so hard for my boyfriend, as he is so good at that, at being romantic and making me feel special (but in a masculine way, so he isn't 'gushy' at all-it makes him come off as a real gent who is self assured and confident). It really sets him apart from other guys....
Torrance, that is exctly what I am trying to do is set myself apart from the others she has dated and I feel I have been doing a fairly good job.
This wasnt a situation where I felt I was gushing to her. I just dropped a few quick lines found out about a few of her insecurities and that was it. It was more like just letting her know hey Im here because I like you and yes you are becoming special to me.
It is amazing to see how men and women give such different advice in this thread. The men's advice will probably work if you want other men to think you're a hit with the ladies (i.e. don't say sissy stuff)-but if you actually want to BE a hit with the ladies, as opposed to just having other men think you are, then LISTEN to the WOMEN on here
The right woman will love hearing sweet stuff - it is how us women are made. It is what we want. Yes, gushing is no good, but opening up and saying those sweet words that we want to hear is AWESOME! It is actually part of the reason I fell so hard for my boyfriend, as he is so good at that, at being romantic and making me feel special (but in a masculine way, so he isn't 'gushy' at all-it makes him come off as a real gent who is self assured and confident). It really sets him apart from other guys....
+1. OP, you're getting a lot of crappy advice from would-be players on here. Women, as TBF and others have pointed out, do not think like men. Since you're interested in a relationship with this woman, not just getting into her pants, substituting sex for communication would be a terrible way to go. Sure, there are women who are bad communicators too, but just ask any woman in a long-term relationship how she feels when her man never talks about his feelings and only wants her for sex. It's just about the number one complaint women have of their long-term partners and it's amazing to me that some of these guys who think they are ladies' men are actually giving you that advice .
Look, I don't know what the outcome will be here. If she is emotionally adult and actually ready for a real relationship, she will appreciate your honesty and love it that you make her feel special. If she is emotionally a little girl or is otherwise somehow deeply damaged, she might not, in which case it's best for you to move along anyways.
I myself was a bit of a commitment-phobe and had some trust issues for many many years, due to things that happened in my childhood. Then a few years ago I met the man who was the right fit for me. We had a conversation strikingly similar to the one in your OP, and I think part of him even regretted bringing it up so soon himself, because I was a little uncertain, afraid of vulnerability. But he was strong and secure enough to be open with me AND to support me while I figured out how to let myself be open with him, and that was incredibly attractive to me.
It sounds like the reason JL was saying all this stuff to the girl was that he was insecure about how she felt about him so he threw these words out to gauge her interest. When guys open their hearts to girls, they do it because they think that's what girls want to hear. Having emotional diarrhea doesn't make one a man, it actually shows insecurity.
It takes balls of steel to open up to a potential partner. I fully respect anyone who can do so. I have zero respect for men who are too afraid to do so.
The reason why guys such as myself are "afraid" to open up these days is that we know what happens when we do. Girls lose respect for us because they think we are seeking validation. I used to tell an ex how special and wonderful she was, and she would respond with, "Why do you keep telling me that?" We didn't last much longer.
When I have been indifferent towards women in the past, they were attracted to me. Once I would spill my heart out to them, they run for the hills. These women want to date real men, not other women.
If you want to know how to catch a woman, ask a woman. If you want to know how to catch a man, ask a man.
You've got it wrong. If you want to know how to catch a woman, ask a man who is good at catching women. You see, the OP followed the advice he would have gotten from you had he asked before doing what he did. And guess what, he regrets doing what he did. You would have told him he had balls of steel for opening up, but it looks like his girlfriend is withdrawing after he told her how he feels.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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