I've only been married for four years and in that time I've gained 50 lbs. I have not had kids in that time. I have had a few surgeries that have helped contribute to the weight gain.
I'm 5'2" and now weight 183. I'm a size 16/18. I am 44 years old. When I first got together with my husband, I was a size 4/6 and weighed around 135ish. Even at that weight I felt like I did not look good in a bathing suit and I wanted to lose more weight (to be around 115ish). Not sure that was realistic since I hadn't been that weight since high school.
I had told him I had lost weight, so I never hid that from him. When we were first together I was motivated to work out - you know how it is, the flush of love, not being able to eat, always thinking of that person and how you are just kinda of obsessed.
He had lost 40 pounds a year or two earlier and was working out. Our new relationship really motivated him. Today, he might be 15 lbs heavier but he's still a small guy.
Two years ago when my weight got up to about 155 lbs, I noticed our sex life was diminishing. I wanted to talk to him about it but I get so emotional and cry and I don't think that's fair to him. So I sent him an email about it. He admitted that my weight gain was turning him off. I wanted him to be truthful but of course, it hurt.
What is really hurtful is that before my husband there were lots of guys who just wanted me because of my looks. I thought my husband was different. That was a big part of what attracted me to him. He loved that I was smart, that I could talk about anything from sports to politics. He loved that we shared many of the same values. He loved my sense of humor and how I could "battle" him.
When we were first together I would work out with him but I hated it. I hated having to get up early in the morning to work out. I work from home and make my own hours. One of the benefits I wanted from working from home was no more getting up at 6am.
Fast forward to today . . . I'm now at 183ish. I've gained even more weight and now pretty much don't have sex with him unless I guilt him into it. I am miserable. I snore now which keeps him up - so we sleep in seperate bedrooms. We have no kids. My time is my own. He will support me - buy gym memberships, coaching sessions, etc. We have a complete professional home gym in our basement.
I have no excuse except I am so hurt and bitter. This was the guy who I thought was different from all the other guys and what I have found out is that he wasn't different. I feel like he lied to me. Of course, he feels like I've done a "bait and switch" - that I don't care anymore.
I feel like he has me backed into a corner and I am defensive and hurt. I don't know why I can't/won't get motivated to lose the weight. I am not happy - I loved being a smaller size. I have lost weight before but now I feel like he is using sex as a weapon. "Lose weight or no sex."
When we were first married my husband was a food natzi - really strict about not eating any junk food. Again, that was fine for a while - I would have fast food while I was out during the day. I think that's how I found a bit of control in my life. Over the years, he has mellowed a bit but I know I often eat emotionally, rather than because of hunger.
I have tried taking Meridian, but even that I didn't do regularly.
I would say that I am in a happy marriage other than what I have written. I love my husband but I am not feeling loved. I feel like my only value is as a trophy wife. He's told me that I would be a better wife if I weighed less. That just blows my mind! I am the same person inside whether at a size 18 or 4 but he says I'd be a better wife if my jean size was smaller.
I fear that even if I do buckle down and lose weight that I will be very, very bitter and angry with him. Like if I get down to a size 10 and now he wants to have sex I will be like, "FU!"
I don't want to be that way but am finding that mental adjustment difficult.
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