McGrupp,
Who says that if you just let yourself get back to NC that SHE won't realize her mistake and come crawling back to you? Don't believe me? Read one of my posts where after only within the week my stupid ex comes teary-eyed and asks me if I will "wait" for him whenever he dumps his current girlfriend.....how sick is that?
This jerk ALREADY has this plan to dump the person he dumped ME for!
Then there was another ex who called me after he hung up on me cold.
Six weeks later he calls me from Europe wanting to go out to dinner.
My sister had an ex call after FOUR YEARS! Begging, pleading, sending flowers and stuff. He had dumped her for a better looking girl beforehand.
Not to say you will surely have this experience but it can only be possible if you restart NC and of course LIVE each and everyday. We all are here for you. Don't let go of life.
__________________
"The best revenge is not giving a damn."
now when i called her we talked for like an hour. even almost falling into the same "why did u do this, do you still love me" convo, i rescinded and just talked about everything. i had her cracking up. but as i said it was like that moment in AI. i eventually knew it would end and it did.
then off that high i sent and email i had written weeks before. the email was basically we grew apart, we both made mistakes, this breakup is good for the both of us, im open to life now, follow your dreams. goodbye.
but anyway, i wont break NC and i have no hope that she is coming back. but the sound of her voice and her demenour made me incredibly sad and broke in my mind of any hope after 25 days of NC and the realization i would never see her again.
but chicks never come back. so ill deal with that.
and the whole thing is, its not about the convo or the email or anything. the fact i called her was just dumb. **** her. she doesnt deserve my time or energy or jokes or emails about life.
so thats why i was pissed an depressed. i had giving her my balls once again
Last edited by McGrupp; 29th October 2009 at 11:50 PM..
I know how you feel, believe me. I'm sitting at home right now, after my break 7 wks ago, knowing that just a mile away, my ex's car is parked in front of her new cheezball's car. Yet to this date she won't admit to her closest friends, that she's involved with this guy while at the same time, destroyed a 20 yr friendship with his ex-wife. I can't begin to tell you how utterly sick to my stomach I am when I think about those two lying in bed watching the world series together? I mean seriously, the thought of being with another woman right now couldn't be less appealing...how do they do it? I started seeing a therapist 3 wks ago...so far so good. So her tonight. It really is an enlightening experience..but it still hurts...so FU**king Much!
i mean bulldozed that hurts but what does that say about your ex? shell be back once the puppy dog feeligs wear down.
i cant take it man. she threw me away for nothing. ****ING NOTHING!! one of the thing she brought up was i watch to much football (?!) and called her at lunch too much one time in february. like wtf!!! i didnt cheat i didnt hit you. gimme abreak. if i did those things id prolly still be with her. so ****ing immature.
not one thing i did to her was mean or maipulative. **** her.
i hope she falls down some steep stairs.
BUT. this may be the best thing thats ever happened to me. i dont knwo yet but I HAVE O MAKE A BIG MOVE NOW. i have a comfortable (albeit lonely) job now that could be hugely lucrative. but i hate it. and I HAD a cute gf who i was living with. i was comfortable.
but now i have to get uncomfortable and do something i love.
what? im not really sure, and ive never been super motivated but if i dont use this, i will regret it forever. now my focus is completely on myslef.
i think this thread today changed my whole outlook.
I know how you feel, believe me. I'm sitting at home right now, after my break 7 wks ago, knowing that just a mile away, my ex's car is parked in front of her new cheezball's car. Yet to this date she won't admit to her closest friends, that she's involved with this guy while at the same time, destroyed a 20 yr friendship with his ex-wife. I can't begin to tell you how utterly sick to my stomach I am when I think about those two lying in bed watching the world series together? I mean seriously, the thought of being with another woman right now couldn't be less appealing...how do they do it? I started seeing a therapist 3 wks ago...so far so good. So her tonight. It really is an enlightening experience..but it still hurts...so FU**king Much!
****ing man up both of you again, no more drama from here on out, i dont wanna see suicidal **** no more. Get your act together and move on and find other hoes. Get a move on. GET BUSY LIVING OR GET BUSY DIEIN. NUFF said.
I don't know all the details about your situation, I do feel bad for what's happened to you, you definitely don't deserve it. My NC lasted for about 5 wks...then out of the blue, she texted me about a Tigers game....then went on to say it was Great, and that she was there. When I asked her who she went with, she responded, "Does it matter"? ..total bs...she admitted the next morning when she was no doubt sober and hung over that she never went. Of course she texted me from this turds house. So childish....in the end, I'm doing my best to take the high raod.
Stay strong bro, you're all that matters....I've been through this crap before, but never to this extent. A broken heart is truly fascinating, if you can distance yourself from it long enough to realize how powerful our mind is?
I read an interesting story about how to stop the pain...whenever you feel that you are thinking about your ex or anything related to her (restuarant you frequented together, bar, etc.)...shift your focus to something within the very first 10 seconds...don't wait, don't delay, just do it! 10 seconds is the ultimate deadline...if you can't refocus, keep doing the 10 second count until you can!
Here's a few bullet points I copied and pasted.
1) An event in the past where you felt completely unstoppable. Re-live
that moment and feel the feelings.
(2) A day in the past where you just couldn’t stop laughing.
(3) Make a list of things you are thankful for. You might think that there is
nothing to thank for at the moment...But if this is what you are thinking then
you are on the wrong track again. We all have something to be thankful
for...Just look around and you will find many things.
(4) Get up and start dancing. Well this might seem a bit silly but let me tell
you it really puts you in the right mood instantly.
This is a not-to-do list as well...
Here are the things you must not do-
(1) Checking your E-mail 100 times a day expecting a response from your
ex.
(2) Going on their Myspace, Facebook or any other online profile your ex
has trying to see how big their friends list is now.
(3) keeping things around the remind you of her....I'm sure you know this one already?
Just remember, your conscious mind is feeding your sub-conscious. This was my problem a few weeks ago...couldn't stop having nitemares about the two of them together....it was absolutely horrible. It still sucks to no end. The more I fixated on her by day, the more my sub-consious kept feeding my brain the same thoughts. If it's all consuming, it becomes a viscious cycle. I actually have been told she doesn't want to lose me....I actually told my therapist tonite that I hope she comes back. I'll play it cool for a bit, and then I'll dump her ass, because if and when that happens, I'll be in a pretty good frame of mind. Of course, I'll push the friends with benefits for a bit, draw her back in, and then unload! Back during xmas 07', when she broke up for a week and went back to her alcoholic, loser, dopedealing ex...she came grovelling back, crying, pleading with me about what a terrible mistake she made. I gave her the benefit of the doubt as up until then, things were great. We've been friends for nearly 18 yrs. I also told her she's on a 3 strike count....to date she's probably on strike 5....that ex, she was never able to put behind her....he was her first back in high school. I get that...woman have a strange fascination about who they gave themselves up to? But is sucked the first time around, so years later, after two failed marriages, she goes back for more with the same loser....she'll realize one day how good she could of had it!
Be strong McGrupp!! You can do it man! Promise you that!
do i miss her. **** yeah.
why? because she validated my existence. had i become extremely comfortable and boring since i was with her. perhaps. i still kept my hobbies but still made her my number 1 thing.
why i am so upset? because i wanted to spend my life with this woman. because i lost her. she only ran away when she realized i had become to much for her. now thats a 2 way street. obviously i had been this way b4 at some point, but for her to just ditch me is ubsurd and her loss.
am i bored with my life now? yes. am i scared to get off my ass and do something i want? extremely. im also scared ll die alone and with no one that was on the level of us.
have i started thinking about the bad times i had with her? yes. there arent many and your thinking of her so that always is a slippery slope.
did i use a attractive woman to crutch my self confidence? absolutely. i would go out and knowing i had a beautiful woman at home would make me feel amazing. but at the same time, jealous of when she would go out without me.
now i KNOW i have to build myself up. again. and it may be long and sad and slow and ITS REALLY ****ING SCARY.
but i guess we are all alone in some way.
i feel like i lost my soulmate. i guess it wasnt meant to be. awww shucks this sucks. i want to hold her again. but i have to understand ii cant and wont ever.
Last edited by McGrupp; 30th October 2009 at 7:39 AM..
Look man, I know how it is. I just lost a girl I thought I was very much in love with, and it happened so out of the blue that I was completely dumbstruck when it happened. Now notice how I said I thought I was in love with her? Well we all know the old saying, you don't know what you have until it's gone. But in my honest opinion, many times that only rings true because we miss the idea of the relationship so much. Miss having someone to talk to all the time, someone to get intimate with, someone to lie in bed all day with, someone whose mere presence makes us more confident.
But then I can't help but remember how I felt in the relationship. Often I would go from loving her and wanting to see her, to having doubts and not being sure if I really loved her and could see myself ending up with her. I loved talking to her on the phone, but sometimes I just didn't feel like it. One time she went away on vacation for 5 days out of the country, so she wasn't supposed to call due to high phone bills. Well she called me every night to say she loved me and missed me, but in a way it gave me doubts cause I thought she maybe was too attached. Sometimes I would think she was so beautiful, then in some lights I wouldn't feel the same way, and question my attraction to her.
My point is, throughout the relationship I was always off and on. One week I'd feel totally in love her and want to see her everyday, then the next week I'd be making excuses not to stay over. What it came down to was through it all my love did grow for her, and I did expect our relationship to last longer, so when she dumped me out of nowhere, it hurt. And it still hurts. But I know a lot of the pain is mind tricks; a reaction to me losing something with no warning, something I thought was mine; also me merely wanting what I can't have, and also being nostalgic about good times I had with a person. Sure, a lot of the hurt comes from the fact that someone I thought I knew so well, someone I thought really loved me and cared for me, someone I thought so highly of and meant so much to me, has no problem cutting me out of their life on a dime. The few times we've talked she always says she wants to be good friends, but she never makes any effort to do so. So yes, that hurts, because it shows she doesn't really care and is doing quite fine without me, and has no problem BSing me. BUT personally, that just shows me that it's not someone I'd want in my life anyway...There's a lot of other girls I see that attract me, and I know there's someone better out there, someone who wouldn't do that. They key is to separate the relationship from the girl, even though it's harder said then done. Remember all of the bad things about her, things that annoyed you, it helps a ton. There's no way it or she was perfect 100% of the time, your just remembering it that way.
Once you do that it'll be easier to accept the fact that she was just one of countless woman out there you could feel happy with, and maybe more happy then you were with your ex. I mean look at this way...if you could attract a girl like your ex, you can easily attract others that are just good.
Bottom line is killing yourself over a girl is just plain DUMB, and it's NOT an option. How can you expect people, or even yourself, to respect you, if the difference between you breathing or not depends on a girl? A good friend of mine - he was very close, he sang in my band - killed himself earlier this year, and a lot of it had to do with a girl. He was one of the most talented singers, musicians, writers and all around artist I've ever known. Beyond that he was a great person, really smart, passionate, compassionate, and genuine, a rare breed. He thought he was gonna marry this girl, and the breakup sent him down a bad road for 3-4 months, which ended in him taking his life. He ended up hurting a lot of people who cared for him, and he threw away SO much he had going for him...just wasted all of his talent and potential because of a girl.
He was only 23 years old, and the saddest part is that if he had only stuck it out through the pain, he would have most certainly met someone even better then his ex, and been happier then ever, and also gone on to do great things. The moral is that no matter how hard it is at the time, all things must pass. It will get better, and the pain is short compared to the years you have ahead of you. And you will find someone, and that's complete BS if you think you won't and you know it.
Sorry for the long post, I really hope you took away something from it. You just gotta stay strong man, you'll thank yourself in the end.
Last edited by BigTenInchRecord; 30th October 2009 at 9:03 AM..
Look man, I know how it is. I just lost a girl I thought I was very much in love with, and it happened so out of the blue that I was completely dumbstruck when it happened. Now notice how I said I thought I was in love with her? Well we all know the old saying, you don't know what you have until it's gone. But in my honest opinion, many times that only rings true because we miss the idea of the relationship so much. Miss having someone to talk to all the time, someone to get intimate with, someone to lie in bed all day with, someone whose mere presence makes us more confident.
But then I can't help but remember how I felt in the relationship. Often I would go from loving her and wanting to see her, to having doubts and not being sure if I really loved her and could see myself ending up with her. I loved talking to her on the phone, but sometimes I just didn't feel like it. One time she went away on vacation for 5 days out of the country, so she wasn't supposed to call due to high phone bills. Well she called me every night to say she loved me and missed me, but in a way it gave me doubts cause I thought she maybe was too attached. Sometimes I would think she was so beautiful, then in some lights I wouldn't feel the same way, and question my attraction to her.
My point is, throughout the relationship I was always off and on. One week I'd feel totally in love her and want to see her everyday, then the next week I'd be making excuses not to stay over. What it came down to was through it all my love did grow for her, and I did expect our relationship to last longer, so when she dumped me out of nowhere, it hurt. And it still hurts. But I know a lot of the pain is mind tricks; a reaction to me losing something with no warning, something I thought was mine; also me merely wanting what I can't have, and also being nostalgic about good times I had with a person. Sure, a lot of the hurt comes from the fact that someone I thought I knew so well, someone I thought really loved me and cared for me, someone I thought so highly of and meant so much to me, has no problem cutting me out of their life on a dime. The few times we've talked she always says she wants to be good friends, but she never makes any effort to do so. So yes, that hurts, because it shows she doesn't really care and is doing quite fine without me, and has no problem BSing me. BUT personally, that just shows me that it's not someone I'd want in my life anyway...There's a lot of other girls I see that attract me, and I know there's someone better out there, someone who wouldn't do that. They key is to separate the relationship from the girl, even though it's harder said then done. Remember all of the bad things about her, things that annoyed you, it helps a ton. There's no way it or she was perfect 100% of the time, your just remembering it that way.
Once you do that it'll be easier to accept the fact that she was just one of countless woman out there you could feel happy with, and maybe more happy then you were with your ex. I mean look at this way...if you could attract a girl like your ex, you can easily attract others that are just good.
Bottom line is killing yourself over a girl is just plain DUMB, and it's NOT an option. How can you expect people, or even yourself, to respect you, if the difference between you breathing or not depends on a girl? A good friend of mine - he was very close, he sang in my band - killed himself earlier this year, and a lot of it had to do with a girl. He was one of the most talented singers, musicians, writers and all around artist I've ever known. Beyond that he was a great person, really smart, passionate, compassionate, and genuine, a rare breed. He thought he was gonna marry this girl, and the breakup sent him down a bad road for 3-4 months, which ended in him taking his life. He ended up hurting a lot of people who cared for him, and he threw away SO much he had going for him...just wasted all of his talent and potential because of a girl.
He was only 23 years old, and the saddest part is that if he had only stuck it out through the pain, he would have most certainly met someone even better then his ex, and been happier then ever, and also gone on to do great things. The moral is that no matter how hard it is at the time, all things must pass. It will get better, and the pain is short compared to the years you have ahead of you. And you will find someone, and that's complete BS if you think you won't and you know it.
Sorry for the long post, I really hope you took away something from it. You just gotta stay strong man, you'll thank yourself in the end.
Hopefully this monstrous post can stop your whining Mcgrupp. man up and get out their. This post is exactly right, you need to move on. Slap yourself in the face if you get depressed. Your a man for christ sake, act like one.
Hey, McG, I got up this morning and got served divorce papers by our friendly sheriff. Now, I'm feeding the cat, making a grocery list and cooking oatmeal. It's not what happens to you, it's how you react to it. Your choice.
That bed looks tempting but there's a world of positive things out there to do and enjoy. Each day is a new one. Get out there
Look man, I know how it is. I just lost a girl I thought I was very much in love with, and it happened so out of the blue that I was completely dumbstruck when it happened. Now notice how I said I thought I was in love with her? Well we all know the old saying, you don't know what you have until it's gone. But in my honest opinion, many times that only rings true because we miss the idea of the relationship so much. Miss having someone to talk to all the time, someone to get intimate with, someone to lie in bed all day with, someone whose mere presence makes us more confident.
But then I can't help but remember how I felt in the relationship. Often I would go from loving her and wanting to see her, to having doubts and not being sure if I really loved her and could see myself ending up with her. I loved talking to her on the phone, but sometimes I just didn't feel like it. One time she went away on vacation for 5 days out of the country, so she wasn't supposed to call due to high phone bills. Well she called me every night to say she loved me and missed me, but in a way it gave me doubts cause I thought she maybe was too attached. Sometimes I would think she was so beautiful, then in some lights I wouldn't feel the same way, and question my attraction to her.
My point is, throughout the relationship I was always off and on. One week I'd feel totally in love her and want to see her everyday, then the next week I'd be making excuses not to stay over. What it came down to was through it all my love did grow for her, and I did expect our relationship to last longer, so when she dumped me out of nowhere, it hurt. And it still hurts. But I know a lot of the pain is mind tricks; a reaction to me losing something with no warning, something I thought was mine; also me merely wanting what I can't have, and also being nostalgic about good times I had with a person. Sure, a lot of the hurt comes from the fact that someone I thought I knew so well, someone I thought really loved me and cared for me, someone I thought so highly of and meant so much to me, has no problem cutting me out of their life on a dime. The few times we've talked she always says she wants to be good friends, but she never makes any effort to do so. So yes, that hurts, because it shows she doesn't really care and is doing quite fine without me, and has no problem BSing me. BUT personally, that just shows me that it's not someone I'd want in my life anyway...There's a lot of other girls I see that attract me, and I know there's someone better out there, someone who wouldn't do that. They key is to separate the relationship from the girl, even though it's harder said then done. Remember all of the bad things about her, things that annoyed you, it helps a ton. There's no way it or she was perfect 100% of the time, your just remembering it that way.
Once you do that it'll be easier to accept the fact that she was just one of countless woman out there you could feel happy with, and maybe more happy then you were with your ex. I mean look at this way...if you could attract a girl like your ex, you can easily attract others that are just good.
Bottom line is killing yourself over a girl is just plain DUMB, and it's NOT an option. How can you expect people, or even yourself, to respect you, if the difference between you breathing or not depends on a girl? A good friend of mine - he was very close, he sang in my band - killed himself earlier this year, and a lot of it had to do with a girl. He was one of the most talented singers, musicians, writers and all around artist I've ever known. Beyond that he was a great person, really smart, passionate, compassionate, and genuine, a rare breed. He thought he was gonna marry this girl, and the breakup sent him down a bad road for 3-4 months, which ended in him taking his life. He ended up hurting a lot of people who cared for him, and he threw away SO much he had going for him...just wasted all of his talent and potential because of a girl.
He was only 23 years old, and the saddest part is that if he had only stuck it out through the pain, he would have most certainly met someone even better then his ex, and been happier then ever, and also gone on to do great things. The moral is that no matter how hard it is at the time, all things must pass. It will get better, and the pain is short compared to the years you have ahead of you. And you will find someone, and that's complete BS if you think you won't and you know it.
Sorry for the long post, I really hope you took away something from it. You just gotta stay strong man, you'll thank yourself in the end.
no offense TheBob, but i think telling someone he's whining or to just "man up" is counterproductive. This entire website is here for people to vent their feelings and get advice from people. the dude is just being honest. i'm sure you have the best intentions. but subtly questioning someone's "manhood" when their self-esteem has been damaged can only make things worse.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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