Please don't do anything like that, talk to someone first including the Samaritans or post here. If you are not in the game, how can you affect the outcome?
First, based on your threads, you are going through a big range of emotions. Just a week ago, you felt ready to move on. Time will change how you feel...even if you look back over your posts here, then you will see how they do.
Second, the only thing death will accomplish is....well, really nothing. It will end the pain you currently feel, but who knows what is after death. Even if nothing, then you have no chance for anything in life. And while there seems no hope left for you in life, there is.
Third, as you said in an earlier thread, this breakup may actually be the catalyst for some life improvements. What you are feeling now is the grief and pain of losing someone very dear to you. In some ways, it is worse than losing someone through death because here the person is around but not with you.
I cannot take the pain away, and no one can. As odd as it sounds, flow with the pain and learn from it. While these past six weeks seem like "forever," they are but a short time. In six weeks from now, your attitude and emotions may be so different.
Having experienced some of the pain you are enduring, it is not easy. And while I could wish that I can say that it will go away in just a few hours or days, I cannot. I can reassure you that with time, it will go away. Where this life experience takes you, no one knows.
__________________ "Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, the other is to let her have it." --LBJ
I can feel your pain through the screen my brother.
One of the most painful things to endure is the loss of love. Yeah it hurts...like a bitch. I feel you. I have felt this pain many times in my life, and each time I wonder..."how will I get through this?" You know what? Somehow I do. I keep drudging through my day. I surround myself with family and friends. I keep looking forward. Then one day it hurts a little less...I only feel really horrible now. Then a little less, and so on.
I know you can't see or feel this now..but...this too shall pass. You will feel better one day. Nobody can take your pain. Nobody can tell you when it will stop hurting. However, we can all tell you, because most people have had heartbreak in their lives, it will get better...with time.
If you are feeling like hurting yourself. If these ideas go from just thoughts to intentions or plans...please go see a professional. Hang in there brother.
__________________ Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there. -Rumi
It's more of just someone not capable of loving you the way you deserve....Someone who takes you and your feelings for granted and someone who is willing to walk away from you...That is not love...Its nice to know that you can love, but this person is incapable at the moment and it is not your fault...
I know where you are at man...I was there for quite a stint...It is a terrible feeling...You do kinda move on and you need to vent your frustrations in a healthy manner...
Here is my take on the subject...I do now have a new gf who I am slowly but surely falling in love with...She is great...and honestly I like her much more than my ex...lol...We see a lot of one another...last night while laying around with her she looks at me and says, "I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop"...I say what? She goes, "you are cute, funny, caring, and just so fun to be around...there is no way I can be this lucky..." I'll be honest after the hell I put myself through over an ex, it almost brought me to tears...It was almost like my breakup was a blessing in disguise...And I hope one day you too feel this way!
After hearing that I simply smiled and said..."Well...now I feel like the lucky one."
It is nice to feel appreciated, and feel like what you have to offer is significant...
Taking your life is not an option...You will only hurt those who love you in that process...Prior to this relationship I would venture to believe that you were rather independant, and capable of living on your own and occupying your own time...This person was never the root to your happiness, they only made life slightly better.
Relationships die just as people do, the feeling is just as devistating and just as terrible when you dont want it to happen. You need to deal and cope with the pain and the loss...It is ok to be sad, it is ok to be angry, its ok to cry and scream...But you need to somehow find your self worth again and put yourself together...You are capable of so much more than this....
It is nice to feel appreciated, and feel like what you have to offer is significant...
i just feel so numb. im tired of writing about it. im tired of feeling this way.
i thought i was doing terrible after 25 days of nC. but once i called it was like i went back to the day she said its over.
i know these emotions well. its been 2 months. but im back to square one and dont know if i can do the whole process again. really another 2 months of this insane pain that had slowly dwindled.
ive never had these thoughts racing through my head like this. its weird and scary. i obsesse over what i shouldve said, shouldnt have said, when i shouldnt have called, what i did 2 christmas' ago with her, what she doing now, what i should be doing.
i feel like my brain has a disease, like i am mentally unstbale right now. i walk around my office and bable to myself to get myself pumped up. i say just let go, your better off, but none of it works.
people talk to me and i cant hear them. im off at work. i make mistakes all the time. i almost get into car accidents.
i want to just starts over. but i cant. so i want it to stop. im becoming someone i dont know. the other day at the bar, my friend had strangers line up to give me hugs because im the sad guy in the corner now.
****. im going to sit on here all day and refresh this ****, so i feel worst. so i can wallow some more.
i have to pull myself out of this. thanks for the insight. i just need...well i dont know. time? drugs? a new woman? a new job? a new outlook? and new life
something. to help. me.
Last edited by McGrupp; 29th October 2009 at 11:29 AM..
If your going to refresh...Ill be here talking then....
Ill tell you when my ex ended it I dont even know how I made it home that night...I drove over an hour in the dark and rain down a highway....I dont know how I saw through the tears man...
You need to go no contact and stay that way...period...I broke down 1 time and begged her to talk to me...It did no good and I fell right back into the hole that was dug for me...I hit the bottle really hard for about 2 weeks and it did me no good, only made me feel more worthless....I couldnt enjoy anything I once did, but I kept doing them...Knowing deep down these were things that made me happy. I went to therapy once a week for 2 months then twice a month for a month. And...Eventually things did start improving...
I realized I am a good guy capable of much more than I was getting. I realized I was trying to be controlled, and just saw so many terrible things about my ex that I dealt with simply because, I loved her. I resisted all of her control tactics to the point where she had no control and simply dumped me to try to gain control over me...
You need to push yourself to feel better...I know the pain and heartache are terrible, but push through it!! I know about the memories and how haunting they can be...But thats all they are...ghosts...Dont let your ghosts get you...
i juts cant stop dwelling. i know i keep saying it but i made so many mistakes.
i didnt do NC right away, it was my idea for the break and i couldnt handle it, there was no fight, no other man.
i acted like a giant clingy bitch and lost all my self respect. i lost the best thing in my life, something i wanted to have forever. i must take her off the pedestal. but i cant when i think about what i lost FOR NOTHING except my own selfish obsession and jealousy and lack of self control....
im so scared i will be sitting here a year from now with this huge amount of regret and lonliness. im so ****ing scared i never get over this. im so scared of that. i see people on here still pinning after 4 years, 8 years, 10 years and that **** freaks me out!!!
im 24 and im going to die alone.
like there was this point in august! i ****ing remember where she hadnt called me all day and i was freaking out. and my sister was like just ignore her. dont freak out. and i did and the hole kept getting deeper. and deeper. and i would call again and read LS and then call again and then its over and then call some more.
its like i ****ed myself so hard. i scared her off. im a ****ing loser for life and now am doomed to live at home with my parents and watch sitcoms well they tell me to do my laundry.
where 2 months ago i was on my own, living with a beautiful woman and having sex and living a happy life.
and i ****ed it up. how am i supposed to get over it????
Last edited by McGrupp; 29th October 2009 at 11:57 AM..
Oh McGrupp... I am so sorry! I'll go back and read the threads you started to get a better idea of where you are coming from.
But is there really no light for you at the end of this tunnel? Do you really see no hope to grab onto? Do you really not experience any joy in life that can take your mind off such sadness?
Don't you believe in love, and that it does not die, and that it is greater than what ever hardship or difficult romance you have experienced?
You have to truly believe and hope in something... that will give you the energy to live.
24 is not so old, my love. (I was one of those who couldn't get over an ex who left me when I was 21 for 5 years, too!) I'm 37 now and it's taken me a long time to find solid happiness in my life but (f*ck me!) I got here.
It happened to take me 6 years of therapy (with a counsellor who worked for me - I started out with one that was worse than useless) and a couple of years on anti-depressants, btw.
EVENTUALLY I re-trained and got myself onto the right career path, dragged myself out of the city I lived in that was bringing me down and found the job that reaffirms my sense of self every time I think about it. I also acquired a great dog to look after on the way and some wonderful (granted, not many, but some wonderful) friends. Passing my driving test recently was a massive achievement for me and made life a whole lot more fun.
A few months ago, the man I thought had just dropped out of nowhere to be the cherry to complete my cake dropped out of my life just as easily (more so, in fact) and it really got to me (gees, still does!) but GODAMMIT he will NOT take away the rest of my life that I have built up and worked hard for.
I could not have got my solid base together without the therapy. Or without the anti-depressants.
This is my story and those were my solutions but yours are out there, just like mine were.
Possesiveness is a hard one to deal with. I've ridden that particular demon myself and she'll still raise her head, from time to time but you have those feelings, that reaction for a REASON.
You're not evil. You're not a pussy. You're a good man but you're in a hard, hard place, right now.
I want you to know, though, that there are doors around you with paths for you to follow that will take you to what will build you up, from the inside out, to the happy, contented man you ABSOLUTELY can be. Keep opening the doors around you. Some will lead to sh*t, dull, depressing paths, granted. But some won't. And you'll get better at spotting the right ones. Just keep opening them.
i just need...well i dont know. time? a new job? a new outlook? and new life.
Yes to all of the above (no to the ones i erased!)
Right now you are in pain, lots and lots of pain, we all are to varying extends. The pain is more intense when you're sitting at your store doing nothing cuz you're entire life is revolving around her and what isnt revolving around her isnt exciting.
Time to take your entire life as if it was a page on a book, tear it off and start from scratch. I often feel like when i say "id like to die" i actually mean 'I want a new life" and thats doable....
Go crazy, pretend you have the power to do anything you want with YOUR life....for instance, what would you LOVE to do regarding work. What job would you love to do, even if its firefighter...GO FOR IT. Research, apply, do whatever it takes. Have you ever wished you lived somewhere else? GO FOR IT.
Nothing better for a heartbreak than realizing that you have the power to make your life as amazing as you want it without this person holding you back. All you have to do is put aside thoughts of her, conjure up whatever it is you want and work on making it happen. At worst you get so caught up with the whole idea that after a while you arent even thinking of her anymore, even if things dont pan out. At best, you are living your dream.
Darling life is like a bunch of clay. Sometimes we work so hard on this one pot and somehow someway it breaks and it all becomes a hot mess. Yet, the clay still there, waiting for you to start over and make something even better, more solid and more resistant. DOnt throw your wonderful clay away.
Location: My own head but trying to find a new place to dwell
Posts: 798
Quote:
Originally Posted by McGrupp
my pain lately is so intense i think about taking my life.
ive talked to counselors and family. nothing will help. my inside is in so much pain i cant do anything.
ive never felt this way in my life. the sadness and regret surrounds me.
to have someone you love not give a **** about you anymore
im tired of feeling this way.
Mc are you taking any anti depression meds?
__________________
"There can be no Peace, Joy or Contentment in your heart, if the things you say are different to the things you do"-Xena the Buddhist Monk Warrior Princess
i dont have any activity to do. i sit in an office alone for 12 hours a day. i sit on the internet. i pine. this is my life and its ending 1 minute at a time.
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