It's true, most of you want to hear the BS side of the story and will support him/her but if WS writes their story and is seeking on some help as to what can they do, most of you all want to do is vent out your frustration and not listen to it or keep lecturing ''If you love him/her, then you wouldn't do it, you don't love them''.
If it's the WS's post, shouldn't you be more focusing on the person writing the story and put aside on pretending to be the BS on the story (you're not the BS anyways). That's when you get all emotional and worked up, you can't even write on a mature level. And do put aside your ''cheated on'' bad experience as an excuse to vent out on the member. What does the BS or WS writing the story has to do with what you went through, two different stories don't you think? Lastly if I was a WS seeking help and you vent out on me calling me names, talking about your cheating experience, my reply would be ''Does it look like I care, I only want to know what can I do, not your stupid story''...
It's a different case if it was a cheater bragging on how he/she likes doing it, states how they got no remorse nor feelings for it and is not even seeking advice, then ok call them all the names you want to. But if they asked for what can they do, why not listen to the story?
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Don't live your life with regrets but live your life to the fullest......
It looks like you already answered your own question: its projection.
I, for one, would like to see more WSs posting their stories. Especially some of their tricks and tips. I know that some will consider it offensive, but they have to look at it as good information to have should they ever need it.
I think you are complaining about male WSs though. Because there are plenty of female WSs on these boards.
__________________ "Don't tear down a fence until you know why it was put up." ~ African proverb
I think you are complaining about male WSs though. Because there are plenty of female WSs on these boards.
I'm focusing on any WS's whether it be male or female.
I know projection but damn, you don't even know the person in real life and to start to insult them online, wow. I would be like ''Ok I have insulted you, I only asked for help and you insulting me, screw ya''..
Or did they just expected to find BS's on this infidelity forum? If so, and you're complaining on how you are sick of hearing the cheaters' excuses then don't reply, that's soo simple if you can say something constructive...
Last edited by samsungxoxo; 28th October 2009 at 12:37 AM..
Some persons here are very bitter. And online made it easier that they don't have to bear any consequences to insult or explode onto someone. They don't have to face to face look into the eyes of that person they attack. Online personals are being dehumanized.
Whatever tough things you are going through, that don't give you right to insult or attack others. Two wrongs don't make it right.
Whatever tough things you are going through, that don't give you right to insult or attack others. Two wrongs don't make it right.
Nope, they're no one to dictate them what their life will be like nor label them. I'm surprise they don't get warnings, it's disrespect afterall when they have done nothing to you but are writing their story. They did take all the time and effort making a screen name and coming to a forum.
They are already feeling like in their lowest in that moment they're writing and to yet continue adding more reprimands or sarcastic remarks to it?? How much worst do you want to make them feel than what they are feeling now?? And what gain do you get from flaming them, it's not like you will win money out of it...
Some persons here are very bitter. And online made it easier that they don't have to bear any consequences to insult or explode onto someone. They don't have to face to face look into the eyes of that person they attack. Online personals are being dehumanized.
Oh don't kid yourself there, I have had to tell one woman that wanted to date me that I wasn't her type because I wasn't a married man, and told another that wouldn't leave me alone and really wanted an answer as to why I wouldn't date her is that she is known to be unfaithful and fickle.
Made no bones whatsoever. Now I will admit, I only said those things because they wanted answers as to why I avoided their advances(as if they were entitled to answers), but I told them those things nonetheless.
What kind of help are WSs looking for when they tell their stories in your opinion?
In the case of the BS taking them back, I assume they want to find out how to strengthen their relationship and what steps they can do to gain their SO's trust back.
In the case where BS walks away, they want to find out how to forgive themselves or if there is still hope in getting back with the their BS, if what, what is the solution??
Look around. I would bet that 90% of those habitually posting on here are in the BS category so it stands to reason that WS's aren't apt to get a lot of sympathy if any at all. I get your lamentation though...sometimes people wander away from pretty bad situations at home. The overall consensus on here, particularly from the hard-liners, is that one should end their bad marriage and then seek out compassion elsewhere. However, it is sometimes pretty difficult to let go of a rail that you've been hanging onto for a number of years. That said...it is still difficult when one is feeling bitter and hurt to summon the sense of empathy needed to see things from the other side.
I am a WS & every time I have tried to chime in & offer help & how things were with my situation - how I've "gotten over" my AP - how my marriage is doing MUCH better....I'm beaten down.
So, you are right schewter - 90% are BS & they are mad as hell. Bitter as hell & most won't ever let go of what happened to them. For that, I'm sorry - but still doesn't give them the right to bash a WS because they themselves were hurt.
I've always wondered on here why we all just can't get along & help each other out. Isn't that what the purpose of this forum is all about?
As a former OM/MM I think that I'm more sympathetic to the BS'S because of my own guilt and shame. The way I see it,the vast majority of BS'S only want to be told the truth, (before I get jumped on, I KNOW that a few, a very few, would prefer to stay ignorant) and when WS'S come on to LS telling their stories about how much THEY are hurting and how much THEY feel misunderstood, these BS'S react negatively. It is only natural. Neither the BS'S nor the WS's seem to be willing to put aside their own selfish issues and concentrate on what is needed to help the poster, whoever it is.
I've always wondered on here why we all just can't get along & help each other out. Isn't that what the purpose of this forum is all about?
That's exactly my point. Put aside your experience and suggest something helpful already. If you want to write about your own experience and vent about it, then make a thread of your own. That's like me coming to work angry due to an argument with my parents and giving attitude to every agent there. Makes no sense.....
Why bring your problem onto another member?? Your issues are yours to deal with plus it's not your story. Not only would it be rude but isn't that hijacking the thread??
I am a WS & every time I have tried to chime in & offer help & how things were with my situation - how I've "gotten over" my AP - how my marriage is doing MUCH better....I'm beaten down.
So, you are right schewter - 90% are BS & they are mad as hell. Bitter as hell & most won't ever let go of what happened to them. For that, I'm sorry - but still doesn't give them the right to bash a WS because they themselves were hurt.
I've always wondered on here why we all just can't get along & help each other out. Isn't that what the purpose of this forum is all about?
Most WS can provide lots of insight and good advice. However, I think your an exception to the overall rule.
In my experience you are typically the most incorrect person on a thread. Though your comments provide a fantastic balance at times.
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