Location: JON CORZINE MUST GO. New Jersey..you don't know what you are missing...other then political corruption, insane property tax and road rage.
Posts: 2,587
Thank you both for those commentaries.
DC, I think I get what your saying and agree.
I have no problem with a mature guy having a little "guy" in him and wanting to goof around sometimes. I just don't get wanting to brag about being immature. Heck, I still love to carve pumpkins and be a goofball myself sometimes even though you would never know it from my postings here.
I think that the 'me, me, me society' has definately affected the maturity of many and not just men.
I think however that for many men there is a stigma attached to being 'mature'. Maturity connotes boring/routine for some. Immaturity is associated with childhood/adolescence which many people relate to being a fun and free time. Maturity is associated with adulthood; a time of responsibility and duty.
The child is immature. The parent is mature.
I guess some people find the concept of maturity boring.
I struggle with this myself because I think i'm very mature overall but it seems everyone of my own age group is 50 steps behind me. I see more to life than drinking and partying and sex and they are still very much in that stage of enjoying life's 'shallow' pleasures but they don't really want to think too much or ask too many questions. They don't want to know about religion or politics or literature. Of course this isn't true of all of my friends. The people I know from uni are all very mature overall but my friends that didn't go seem to lack a certain maturity (now this sounds like a slant at those that didn't go to uni but I just mean in my friendship groups!)
I think maturity comes from what you experience and what you expose yourself to. If you learn, if you live, if you expose yourself to knowledge: you will mature. If you are ignorant and don't dig deeper, you will maintain a level of immaturity.
Seeing as we are talking about men I think men are less mature today only because back then people got married younger, there were wars, people HAD TO mature quicker to survive. But in the modern world, you can survive and even THRIVE by being stupid, uneducated, 'cute', ignorant, 'silly' , just look at our culture which celebrates the uneducated and the untalented.
I think that the 'me, me, me society' has definately affected the maturity of many and not just men.
Probably not so much the 'me, me, me' society as the whole "youth culture" thing. At 21, I go to a party, dance like an idiot, get intoxicated, flip off the camera, get that placed on facebook, and think that that's age appropriate for me. The thing is, I've seen people who are at least in their mid-30's (thinning hair, increased flabbiness age lines) doing that and I honestly would be embarassed if that's what I'll be doing in 14 years.
Here is my question, why do men think that not "maturing" or not maturing until later in life is something to be proud of or something that women should think is attractive? If I had a choice between a mature man in his 20s and one that took until his 40s to mature, I would rather take the 20 year old mature one! Maybe this is part of the issue with society? That both men and women today don't want to be "mature". That to be "mature" is a dirty word for both genders?
Because being 'mature' is usually equalled with boring.
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Originally Posted by Jersey Shortie
I also have another question for men. Do you evulate and judge other men by their maturity or lack of? Is your respect for other men based on that or other factors?
I dunno, I guess I'd have respect for them equally, but I'd find the guy who isn't all 'mature' a lot more appealing. If someone was really immature though, like if a guy acted more like he was about 8, then he'd seem like an idiot.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jersey Shortie
Also, have other poeple experience this mind-set where men seem to be proud of their inability to be mature? Lots of questions here.
I'm very proud of the fact that I'm really young for my age, I'm 33 but more like I'm in my early 20's. The last thing I'd want to be is some typical guy in his mid 30's sat in a chair wearing boring clothes with kids running around my feet, always acting 'sensible' and working at a boring mundane job.
Last edited by Ross PK; 30th October 2009 at 10:38 AM..
Location: JON CORZINE MUST GO. New Jersey..you don't know what you are missing...other then political corruption, insane property tax and road rage.
Posts: 2,587
Yeah, but I am not saying that to be mature you have to be boring, or not go out and have fun. However, there is a lack of personal accountability and men seem to think it should make them endearing to act like over-extended frat boys. And no offense to you but saying you are 33 but want to think you are more like your early 20s is both an insecurity and ego trip at the same time. You are infact 33. That doens't mean you can't have fun, be young, or do exciting things. But you are not in your 20s and it's less attractive to see both men and women in their 30s wanting to pretend they are 20.
Yeah, but I am not saying that to be mature you have to be boring, or not go out and have fun. However, there is a lack of personal accountability and men seem to think it should make them endearing to act like over-extended frat boys. And no offense to you but saying you are 33 but want to think you are more like your early 20s is both an insecurity and ego trip at the same time. You are infact 33. That doens't mean you can't have fun, be young, or do exciting things. But you are not in your 20s and it's less attractive to see both men and women in their 30s wanting to pretend they are 20.
I'm just being myself, and I'm more than happy with how I am as far as what we're talking about. That sounds like anything but insecure to me, and if being proud of the way you are means you're on an ego trip, then I'm on an ego trip.
Oh and I'm not saying that middle age people in arm chairs never go out and have fun, I'm sure they do, sometimes...
Last edited by Ross PK; 30th October 2009 at 11:54 AM..
Do you evaluate and judge other men by their maturity or lack of? Is your respect for other men based on that or other factors? Also, have other poeple experience this mind-set where men seem to be proud of their inability to be mature?
Yes, I do evaluate men everyday, in both business and my personal life and make decisions regarding my interactions with them based upon the maturity with which they face life. In fact, I choose customers that way. I take little pleasure in suffering the drama of little boys with grown-up penises.
If I experience men acting immaturely, and they are friends, I look to situations and a pattern of behavior. None of us are perfect and we all have 'bad' days. If I see a consistent pattern, my respect diminishes and they get crossed off the list of people whom I give love and support.
I saw a lot of that stuff ('I'll never grow up') and supporting actions when I was in my 20's and it led to an examination of myself and whether my expectations were unrealistic. As a result I chose to seek out and align myself with men on a path similar to myself and have been very satisfied with those friendships over the intervening decades.
We each have our own path. Accept it and the paths of others. They all end up in the same place
When I think of maturity, what I'm thinking of is someone that takes responsibility, and knows how to act appropriately at the right place and right time.
Sometimes I see people who are unhappy, brittle, and have a giant stick up their ass call others 'immature', in reality it's them being pouty and unrealistic - these people are simply humorless and dull (and wish they could relax and have fun too, but are sadly repressed) - not mature.
They help give the word 'maturity' negative connotations.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jersey Shortie
...I have no problem with a mature guy having a little "guy" in him and wanting to goof around sometimes. I just don't get wanting to brag about being immature. Heck, I still love to carve pumpkins and be a goofball myself sometimes even though you would never know it from my postings here.
Exactly. In my case, this is a requirement.
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Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones.
JS, I'm not sure you can judge the entire male population, based on a bunch of frat boys being proud of their immaturity.
Most men do have that fratboy side to them, when they're jacking around. But when it hits the fan, that's the best time to judge. Either the man will stand up and shoulder the challenge or the little boy will run away.
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ETA for "Bump" June 8, 2010!
Gestating in a life-satisfying way.
Most men do have that fratboy side to them, when they're jacking around. But when it hits the fan, that's the best time to judge. Either the man will stand up and shoulder the challenge or the little boy will run away.
It's what I've noticed in life. That boyishness can be a lot of fun, as long as it doesn't interfere with real life responsibilities. Also, guys tend to be competitive. If one pipes up and says he's immature about this, this and this, the other guys try to one-up him. That's the fratboy side and too funny to watch.
No, not yet. I'm hoping to avoid it. My mother didn't get nauseous for any of us so my fingers are crossed! For me, there's nothing worse than being nauseous. I'd rather be in pain.
It's what I've noticed in life. That boyishness can be a lot of fun, as long as it doesn't interfere with real life responsibilities. Also, guys tend to be competitive. If one pipes up and says he's immature about this, this and this, the other guys try to one-up him. That's the fratboy side and too funny to watch.
My friends and I have more responsibilities than you can shake a stick at. Fairly long careers, families, other responsibilites (I'm the Chair of the Board of Directors of a non-profit that focuses on mentoring disadvantaged children, if you can believe that). My circle has dealt with infidelity, children in jail, overcoming alcohol abuse, cancer, lost jobs, death of spouses, you name it, and we soldier on.
And we'll still howl at a fart joke.
Quote:
Originally Posted by threebyfate
No, not yet. I'm hoping to avoid it. My mother didn't get nauseous for any of us so my fingers are crossed! For me, there's nothing worse than being nauseous. I'd rather be in pain.
My wife didn't have it TOO bad, but found that if she ate crackers or plain bread upon waking up, she could keep it at bay. Here's wishing you a ralphing-free pregnancy!
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