We were arguing over who is more high maintenance. While guys can be selfish, unsympathetic, emotionally cold and distant I think women take more emotionally, nag a bit more (of course men do nag somewhat) and are more critical. Usually the man accommodates the woman more than vice versa. Also we expect men to protect our honor if someone says something bad about us and even be willing to fight for us over this. I wouldn't do this for a man.
We were arguing over who is more high maintenance. While guys can be selfish, unsympathetic, emotionally cold and distant I think women take more emotionally, nag a bit more (of course men do nag somewhat) and are more critical. Usually the man accommodates the woman more than vice versa. Also we expect men to protect our honor if someone says something bad about us and even be willing to fight for us over this. I wouldn't do this for a man.
I have seen two of your threads now, and both of them seem to point to WOMEN being selfish based on YOUR personal attributes. i don't think that the way you think things are based on what YOU would do are accurate of all women, I would even go so far as to say that not even MOST women show the kind of low esteem with which you seem to regard men.
I know that I do not personally agree with your take on things, and would never think that a man should put me on a pedestal and give me everything without my doing the exact same for him.
I am a bit old fashioned, I believe that my job as a woman is to stroke my man's ego, to make him feel like he is the only man on the planet worth more than a moment of my time, to care for him, to cook for him, to clean for him, to be the best lover i can be for him, and in return he treats me with the utmost tenderness, respect, and compassion. He is loving and kind, and tries to please me, always, because that is what i do for him.
But, hell, maybe I have it all wrong and I should take what I can get, as much as I can get, and give as little as possible in return..
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I have seen two of your threads now, and both of them seem to point to WOMEN being selfish based on YOUR personal attributes. i don't think that the way you think things are based on what YOU would do are accurate of all women, I would even go so far as to say that not even MOST women show the kind of low esteem with which you seem to regard men.
I know that I do not personally agree with your take on things, and would never think that a man should put me on a pedestal and give me everything without my doing the exact same for him.
I am a bit old fashioned, I believe that my job as a woman is to stroke my man's ego, to make him feel like he is the only man on the planet worth more than a moment of my time, to care for him, to cook for him, to clean for him, to be the best lover i can be for him, and in return he treats me with the utmost tenderness, respect, and compassion. He is loving and kind, and tries to please me, always, because that is what i do for him.
But, hell, maybe I have it all wrong and I should take what I can get, as much as I can get, and give as little as possible in return..
I never said women should take and give nothing. just that i don't see anything wrong if it is always the guy giving more.
i wouldn't do a lot of things men do for women. paying for dates, asking women out, would never buy any guy and engagement gift, i would him to be the protector not me.
We were arguing over who is more high maintenance. While guys can be selfish, unsympathetic, emotionally cold and distant I think women take more emotionally, nag a bit more (of course men do nag somewhat) and are more critical. Usually the man accommodates the woman more than vice versa. Also we expect men to protect our honor if someone says something bad about us and even be willing to fight for us over this. I wouldn't do this for a man.
The whole idea that one accomodates one more than the other is not true, and just a perspective issue.
Men accept women being (generally) more emotional, woman accept men being (generally) less so. (but i know men who are very sensitive and women who are not)
The key word here being accept. We may not understand the other sex, but we accept them for what they are (or at least we should do)
Both the sexes have differences that we may not fully understand, but thats part of the fun of relationships. How boring to understand a person fully. My H still surprises me when we talk about things and I like that.
And TBH if someone was slagging my H off you can bet anything that i'd be there defending him, and if I was in a situation when i could protect him then I would do that.
thats what love is to me.
so really this isnt something you can generalise about. its completely different couple to couple.
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Last edited by Malenfant; 28th October 2009 at 7:52 AM..
The whole idea that one accomodates one more than the other is not true, and just a perspective issue.
Men accept women being (generally) more emotional, woman accept men being (generally) less so. (but i know men who are very sensitive and women who are not)
The key word here being accept. We may not understand the other sex, but we accept them for what they are (or at least we should do)
Both the sexes have differences that we may not fully understand, but thats part of the fun of relationships. How boring to understand a person fully. My H still surprises me when we talk about things and I like that.
And TBH if someone was slagging my H off you can bet anything that i'd be there defending him, and if I was in a situation when i could protect him then I would do that.
thats what love is to me.
so really this isnt something you can generalise about. its completely different couple to couple.
But a man being less emotional benefits women. After all less work for sus.
But a man being less emotional benefits women. After all less work for sus.
even calling it 'work' is rather vulgar and insinuates that you think having to consider the mans feelings as something of a chore.
you have a very strange idea about the roles of men and women in relationships.
My H works long hours, 4 days a week he works from 9am to 11pm, and on the other days he works an 8 hour day. i work 9-5pm and you can be assured i get him something to eat when he gets in.
I'm not a doormat, i would expect the same from him and on the days he has off he does the same for me.
a relationship is meant to be 50/50. you both look after each other.
musicfan,
Please forgive and correct me if I've misinterpreted but...
Is it about excusing (your?) nagging, and being overly critical, non-supportive, high-strung, and generally not taking responsibility for one's (your?) own feelings and relationship-destroying habits and behaviours on the basis of gender?
Which, of course, is fine, if that's what you want to do. But...I do not subscribe to the beliefs, perspective and expectations that you posted about.
For me, I most assuredly can and will defend, and have in the past defended, the honour of both my male and female friends & family; and I can also defend my own. I don't "need" a man, for that! I don't get into relationships with anybody, female or male, who is clearly or persistently selfish, unsympathetic or cold. And, for my romantic partner, I do not WANT someone who just "accommodates" me and puts up with my crap. Where is the fun or growth in that?
People, individuals, men and women, who choose to criticize, nag, act under-responsibly and/or allow themselves to become doormats...well, as long as they're prepared for crappy outcomes, then I guess all will be well in their worlds.
I don't think it's related to gender, though. I think it's about free will, unwise conscious decisions, misguided beliefs, maladaptive life/coping "skills".
Last edited by Ronni_W; 28th October 2009 at 12:31 PM..
Also I was reading over that thread. I wouldn't do most of those things for a guy. But neither would most women judging from the responses. So don't just say I'm the selfish one.
Also I was reading over that thread. I wouldn't do most of those things for a guy. But neither would most women judging from the responses. So don't just say I'm the selfish one.
I think you and I must be reading different things, because I don't see women saying they wouldn't do things for the men they love. Just you.
The rest of us are just singing the praises of the men who have done kind and wonderful things for us because they love us and WANT to do us kindnesses, not because we think they OWE it to us.
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