Finally understand what so many of you have been telling me since I started coming here.
Some days I'll wake up and be fine, thought of her still in the back of my head -- but still, I'm fine.
Some days I wake up and can't seem to even function right. I just seem to get up and I'm angry with her -- disgusted at the thought of having to see her again.
Nights -- well, I know many of you all know, just are so lonely. I miss her, but at the same time, I wonder if I just miss having that companionship..
So yeah, after ignoring the warnings about this 'rollercoaster', its hit, and it really is terrible.
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it leave never would you, you show could I if
Sorry to hear that my man. Unfortunately your in for a long and bumpy ride. It's important to identify the things that pull you through when your low. Healthy things, I'm not talking getting drunk and trolling the bars for a stand in. Things like music, pick yourself a song that puts what your feeling into words, (Mine were Kerosene, by Miranda Lambert and More then a memory by Garth Brooks), find a hobby that interests you and throw yourself into it to draw your attention away from your situation, (mine was photography), read some books about your situation and relationships, this can hurt as well, but the added insight can do wonders. Lastly, this place right here is what pulled me through. Venting to others about your low points and helping others when your at a peak is very cathartic. I made a thread just for that purpose and had to ressurect it a few times, and probably will again. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t197751/ Feel free to do the same, and read about some of what others have gone through on the rollercoaster, and remember, while you may be screaming down right now, it will eventually have a hill to go with that valley. Stay strong bro,
TOJAZ
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Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -Dr.Sydney Friedman
Sorry to hear that my man. Unfortunately your in for a long and bumpy ride. It's important to identify the things that pull you through when your low. Healthy things, I'm not talking getting drunk and trolling the bars for a stand in. Things like music, pick yourself a song that puts what your feeling into words, (Mine were Kerosene, by Miranda Lambert and More then a memory by Garth Brooks), find a hobby that interests you and throw yourself into it to draw your attention away from your situation, (mine was photography), read some books about your situation and relationships, this can hurt as well, but the added insight can do wonders. Lastly, this place right here is what pulled me through. Venting to others about your low points and helping others when your at a peak is very cathartic. I made a thread just for that purpose and had to ressurect it a few times, and probably will again. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t197751/ Feel free to do the same, and read about some of what others have gone through on the rollercoaster, and remember, while you may be screaming down right now, it will eventually have a hill to go with that valley. Stay strong bro,
TOJAZ
Good Advice from tojaz.
I don't feel lonely in bed at night anymore. But I'm still not sleeping more than 6 hours. I do miss a good 8 hour sleep. Oh well, better that the first 30 days of 2 to 4 hours sleep per night (while losinbg 30 lbs.). Oh and the bed was the usual place I did my crying ... Haven't shed a tear over this in more than a month. (Still sad, disappointed, angry, ... just no tears.)
LS has helped more than I would have ever imagined. When others were not available to talk to - guess what? - LS was here.
I don't feel lonely in bed at night anymore. But I'm still not sleeping more than 6 hours. I do miss a good 8 hour sleep. Oh well, better that the first 30 days of 2 to 4 hours sleep per night (while losing 30 lbs.). Oh and the bed was the usual place I did my crying ... Haven't shed a tear over this in more than a month. (Still sad, disappointed, angry, ... just no tears.)
LS has helped more than I would have ever imagined. When others were not available to talk to - guess what? - LS was here.
PEACE!
What I did was go to WallyWorld, (WalMart) to the vitamin and supplement section and got some melatonin. Its the natural ingredient that regulates your internal clock, and thus sleep. It comes in 3 mmg (micromilligrams), 3 mg and 5 mg.
I'm 6'1" and weigh in at 200 lbs, I find that one 5 mg and one 3 mg is about right for me.
The 3 mmg probably won't do anything for you.
About 30 to 45 minutes your eyes will start to 'water" and you'll start yawning.
It quites my thoughts, so that I'm not rolling and tossing in bed.
Its safe, over the counter, and non-addictive. It is light sensitive though. If your eyes detect light it lessens the effect.
Therefore you need to get whatever it take to completely blacken out your bedroom. That's to include LED's from alarm clocks, fans and such. (Tape over them or turn them away from you.
I found fans helpful, especially a ceiling fan in the bedroom. That along with good bedding, (comforters, sheets, pillows, a 'body pillow to hug up to, along with down mattress toppers.) Don't skimp nor balk at the price.
That is to say buy the absolute best that you can afford. You basically want to get your bedroom to do one thing and one thing only ~ sleep ~ well OK when your ready sex.
That means get any TV's or radios out of your bedroom, unless your one of those that need a radio or TV playing to go to sleep. I would suggest you get one of those noise making machines to put by your bed that make sounds such as a seashore, rambling brook, rain, white noise etc.
Finally, you may want to up your daily physical exertion/exercise. Do anaerobic type things that deplete oxygen from your system, (lifting weights, chopping wood as opposed to aerobic exercise which pumps oxygen into your system, (Walking, running, jogging, and of course aerobics)
You ideally would want to do this at the beginning of your day. Not at the end of your day. That is to say when you first wake up from your sleep cycle.
It would be a good investment to invest in a programmable thermostat. And keep the temperature of your home at a constant. If you live in a rental property they will usually be willing to install it if you (a) pay for it, and (b) are willing to leave it when you vacate.
You want to keep it 'cool' but not too hot nor cold.
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I may not be perfect! But, parts of me are pretty awesome, and I'm working on the rest!
What I did was go to WallyWorld, (WalMart) to the vitamin and supplement section and got some melatonin. Its the natural ingredient that regulates your internal clock, and thus sleep. It comes in 3 mmg (micromilligrams), 3 mg and 5 mg.
I'm 6'1" and weigh in at 200 lbs, I find that one 5 mg and one 3 mg is about right for me.
The 3 mmg probably won't do anything for you.
I've tried it Gunny but only one 3mg pill. Did nothing. I'm 6'2" and weigh 201. (Used to weigh 232 58 days ago when the 47 yr old STBXW dropped the ILY but INILWY bomb on me so she could go f*ck her little 18 yr old BF.)
I'll try three of the 3mgs tonite! (9 mg total - you took 8). I'll let you know Gunny! THANKS!!
Finally understand what so many of you have been telling me since I started coming here.
Some days I'll wake up and be fine, thought of her still in the back of my head -- but still, I'm fine.
Some days I wake up and can't seem to even function right. I just seem to get up and I'm angry with her -- disgusted at the thought of having to see her again.
Nights -- well, I know many of you all know, just are so lonely. I miss her, but at the same time, I wonder if I just miss having that companionship..
So yeah, after ignoring the warnings about this 'rollercoaster', its hit, and it really is terrible.
What I would suggest you do is when you have the time to sit down and give some thought to your daily routine.
And then change it up.
Over the course of time you've become accustomed to the routine you once had with your X.
You need to change that?
Figure what to change, what to put in, what to leave out.
One of the thing that I found having been a career Marine was that once I had retired? I didn't know how to deal with not having the stress as a part of my daily routine?
I had become very adapt at dealing with the day to day stress of being on active day. But once I got back out here in civilian la~la land I had to learn how to improvise, adapt and overcome.
Over the course of my twenty years I had become accustomed to the stress and to dealing with it on a day to day basis.
Once I got out of the Corps, the lack of stress was causing me stress.
Hard to understand ~ I know.
Let me put it this way?
I had become so accustomed to getting my @zz chewed. That once I got out here in civilian la~la land I didn't and couldn't recognize a so called "@zz chewing"
It was like taking a fifth of Jack Daniels and watering it down with about fifty gallons of water.
My point?
My point is 'stress'
Your accustomed to stress from your relationship.
Your grieving for your relationship ~ and along with that? Your grieving for what you've become accustomed to?
The stress of your relationship.
That is to say your mind has you thinking "Better to have her and the stress of the relationship than "No her"
Your in the early stages yet ~ but if (and that's a BIG "If") can manage to do the time, and work through this you, without 're-bounding" will one day come to realization of?
WTF did I see in her to begin with? What was I thinking?
Your in the early stages yet ~ but if (and that's a BIG "If") can manage to do the time, and work through this you, without 're-bounding" will one day come to realization of?
WTF did I see in her to begin with? What was I thinking?
Not quite following you on that one, however I understand what you mean by all the rest. I never really had much of my own 'routine' anyhow. Wake, Work, Home, Work-out, Home, Bed. Just been that way for so long I don't know what to do.
Well, woke up after about 2 hours of sleeping this morning to a dream where I thought she was laying in bed next to me -- turned out to be the cat laying beside me. Really have it rough on sundays. Used to be the day we would go watch football and hang out with my family. Big ordeal for us and the family, starting to hate sundays now. Just doing laundry today made me almost break down like a little bitch.
Keep having people tell me to get out an do something at nights as well. Don't know HOW to do that stuff, I'm 23 and feel so much older than most of the people my age.
Well, woke up after about 2 hours of sleeping this morning to a dream where I thought she was laying in bed next to me -- turned out to be the cat laying beside me. Really have it rough on sundays. Used to be the day we would go watch football and hang out with my family. Big ordeal for us and the family, starting to hate sundays now. Just doing laundry today made me almost break down like a little bitch.
Keep having people tell me to get out an do something at nights as well. Don't know HOW to do that stuff, I'm 23 and feel so much older than most of the people my age.
Sundays are terrible for me too. We used to make a day of watching football, and I still watch her team and I'll be damned if they aren't undefeated! Dammit, I catch myself cheering for them with nobody here to hear it.
I think going through situations like these make us all feel older. I'm 31 yet really can't relate to most of the other people my age. I've seen too much!
TOJAZ
I was working the other day and happened to be in the front of the house when a really cute girl started talking to me. I didn't really think anything of it, but after about 5-6 minutes she gave me her number and asked for mine. I thought 'well damn, thats cool.', she texted me a few times the next day and asked if I wanted to hang out with her and some of her friends. I did so as I desperately needed outta the house. All went well, and she called me around midnight the next night. Bad move answering that call. I was in one of my 'down points' and she was asking all sorts of questions about me, trying to get to know me better I guess. Eventually it came out that I am going through this seperation/divorce -- haven't heard from her since. Not that I wanted to pursue anything with her as I'm too messed up right now for that, but it was nice having someone to talk to I guess.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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