In Search Of...Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.
Zansatsu, I was once sensitive and strong, and what did it get me? Rejection, rudeness, rejection, evasiveness, rejection, unkindness, rejection... oh, and did I mention rejection???
To all those women out there who SAY they're looking for a nice guy, I say talk to the middle finger.
Yes but when you are speaking with the middle finger, it's just a way to protect yourself from having to deal with the complexities that happen in life. I could take the attitude of screw everything and run. But I'm like a kid playing with the toy blocks: rejection, rudeness, evasiveness, unkindness. When you take the sting out of those experiences and distill it down, you are left with what you learned. Life is the worst teacher because it always gives you the test before the answers. You never see it coming and if you do, it's too late. Life is fired at us at point blank. I dropped my angst and decided that yeah, some women will be trouble, but there are good ones on this planet, I just have to find them. And any reasonable mind will consider this: there are 4+Billion people on this planet. At least one of them has to be a woman that believes like I do and wants what I want. The thing is that there could be many women in the world for you. It's just being in the right place at the right time. I shut myself-in a lot and I didn't meet anyone, but it was by choice. If you are trying and getting frustrated, take a break and start looking for things you enjoy doing. Pour yourself into those things and you might be surprised to meet someone doing exactly what you are doing. Give them a fair chance and don't pre-judge them because of your pain. You might be surprised.
Live your life the way you truly want to live it and the hurt won't hurt so bad. You'll be able to shrug it off and keep moving. And hey man, it sounds like you are at least trying to get back on the horse after being kicked. I would say kudos to you. Don't let a weakness make you believe that you lack strength. Keep on truckin'.
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If only God would give me some clear sign!
Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Ooooohhh - red flag, red flag, red flag! Do you still play WoW and do you have a Level 80 Mage? Maybe its time to put away the games. You said you met "girls" that way but from the post, it sounds like you want a "woman" and the quality partner you seek isn't going to be that interested in a guy who plays video games.
I play WoW, but mine is a Druid Contrary to your opinion, I would actually be very interested in a guy who plays video games, because he wouldn't have a go at me when I want to play them - he might even play them with me! It's just a matter of finding the right person who enjoys the same things you do - the right partner will accept your hobbies and possibly even share them, not be put off by them.
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Originally Posted by Zansatsu
Shopping: If you've been indoors for a decade, go out. There's some interesting stuff out there now.
Bah, you haven't heard of online shopping?
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Originally Posted by Zansatsu
I'm single, 30, no children, never married, doing *ok* financially, educated, fit, and I actually care about bettering myself.
Are you me?
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Originally Posted by Zansatsu
I love animals and I try not to kill bugs unless I have to (IE: she demands it).
If she demands it, do you really want to date her? Sounds to me like if she insisted on killing bugs she would be a very uncompassionate person. Squishing any animal unnecessarily (even a bug) isn't nice - they have a right to life too - and spiders especially are our friends. In my house, any living thing that can be rescued is carefully placed outdoors where it can toddle off and be about its business.
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Originally Posted by Zansatsu
So my question is... why am I alone?
I've been asking myself the same question for the last fifteen years, and I still don't have a satisfactory answer. Perhaps other people have lower expectations than I do, so they settle for a relationship that I would have been dissatisfied with (however as I get older settling is beginning to look like a much more attractive option). Hitting 30 is a big psychological milestone if you're still unmarried with no kids, and it's natural to question your life at that point, and to wonder why it didn't happen for you. Let's face it; in general people usually expect to be married with kids by 30, and it's a bit of a shock to find yourself 30 and single.
The key question is this: Are there women who would be (or were) happy with you, whom you would not be (or weren't) happy with? You see, I always complain about not having met a good guy, but my ides of "good" is asking rather a lot compared to what other people are satisfied with. The truth is that I've dated a few nice guys who really liked me and wanted to marry me, but they just weren't what I was looking for. You clearly have high expectations of yourself (like I do), and it's difficult not to apply those high expectations to your desired partner as well. In my case, the problem is that I'm looking for an equal who does not seem to be forthcoming, and I've come to the conclusion that I have to lower my standards if I don't want to be single for ever. Nobody ever said life was fair
Actually, I'm looking into finding a ceramics studio. I love throwing pots on a wheel. It's like Zen for me. I'm kinda shy so unless I figure that one out, it may help, but only enough to get me to meet them... which I guess is half the battle (I just realized that I quote GI Joe. >.<)
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You and Island Girl have had great ideas and you've got me thinking about several ways I could meet people. I just need to crack this shell I put myself into and get out and do something about it. That's the biggest hurdle for me right now.
Yes. I think anything that is already an interest. Something that gives you time and a chance to open up in a no pressure sort of way is a win no matter what.
That's a great idea...c-r-e-a-t-i-v-e.
You're getting better and better all of the time, Lol.
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Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones.
I play WoW, but mine is a Druid Contrary to your opinion, I would actually be very interested in a guy who plays video games, because he wouldn't have a go at me when I want to play them - he might even play them with me! It's just a matter of finding the right person who enjoys the same things you do - the right partner will accept your hobbies and possibly even share them, not be put off by them.
I know there are women that would prefer a guy that likes video games like they do. I've even met some in their 40s, so I wouldn't say that that applies to everyone. And having an ex from WoW it was fun to play with her (in the same room) when it was really good. When it was bad, it was a little too much like work, but by then, it wasn't the WoW that had soured the relationship. (80 Prot Pally, 75 Rogue, BTW)
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Bah, you haven't heard of online shopping?
Ever heard of sunshine and fresh-air? Maybe the chirpy-chirps of birds? People watching?
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Are you me?
If you and I were the same person, then you would be here and we would both be happy. What are you waiting for?
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If she demands it, do you really want to date her? Sounds to me like if she insisted on killing bugs she would be a very uncompassionate person. Squishing any animal unnecessarily (even a bug) isn't nice - they have a right to life too - and spiders especially are our friends. In my house, any living thing that can be rescued is carefully placed outdoors where it can toddle off and be about its business.
This is actually my philosophy. I would rather keep spiders around knowing that they are going to take out the real pests (roaches, flies, mosquitos). So I've always been kinda Buddhist in that way. I don't kill on my own.
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I've been asking myself the same question for the last fifteen years, and I still don't have a satisfactory answer. Perhaps other people have lower expectations than I do, so they settle for a relationship that I would have been dissatisfied with (however as I get older settling is beginning to look like a much more attractive option). Hitting 30 is a big psychological milestone if you're still unmarried with no kids, and it's natural to question your life at that point, and to wonder why it didn't happen for you. Let's face it; in general people usually expect to be married with kids by 30, and it's a bit of a shock to find yourself 30 and single.
Sweetpea, I've been to the UK... gorgeous country... need a roommate? ROFL
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The key question is this: Are there women who would be (or were) happy with you, whom you would not be (or weren't) happy with?
That's a chicken or egg question. Was I unhappy with her, so she became unhappy with me? Or was she unhappy with me, so I became unhappy with her? There inlies the challenge. It has to be reciprocal regardless and in my mind, someone has to know how to "push" all the right buttons while being respectful of you as a person. I found myself in relationships feeling like the emotional mule and often times the financial ox, while having my freedoms curtailed beyond reason (You can't see your friends or I will become upset).
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You see, I always complain about not having met a good guy, but my ides of "good" is asking rather a lot compared to what other people are satisfied with. The truth is that I've dated a few nice guys who really liked me and wanted to marry me, but they just weren't what I was looking for. You clearly have high expectations of yourself (like I do), and it's difficult not to apply those high expectations to your desired partner as well. In my case, the problem is that I'm looking for an equal who does not seem to be forthcoming, and I've come to the conclusion that I have to lower my standards if I don't want to be single for ever. Nobody ever said life was fair
I've always wanted an equal: companion, partner, and lover. I've always wanted someone who would be as devoted and loyal to me as I would be to her. I want mutual respect. I hear you, hun.
I feel Love brewing in the Air between Z and a few posters
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"how do you gently break up with someone???..
Thats like saying how do I gently drive a monster truck through a china/glass/crystal shop.
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Ever heard of sunshine and fresh-air? Maybe the chirpy-chirps of birds? People watching?
"Outdoors" means "Away from books/computers"; an equivalence that could only result in my unhappiness. I actually have a sticker on my back that says "Keep Out Of Direct Sunlight". Anyway, sunlight gives you wrinkles. However I believe we're supposed to go outside to get vitamin D and alleviate depression, so I do venture out occasionally.
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Originally Posted by Zansatsu
If you and I were the same person, then you would be here and we would both be happy. What are you waiting for?
If you and I were the same person, it would be called narcissism or masturbation, depending on what we were doing. Also they would lock you up for talking to yourself.
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Originally Posted by Zansatsu
That's a chicken or egg question. Was I unhappy with her, so she became unhappy with me? Or was she unhappy with me, so I became unhappy with her?
In many cases, one person is completely happy while the other is unhappy and dissatisfied with the relationship and their partner. What I mean is, are you usually the one who is satisfied or dissatisfied? I am usually the latter, which probably means my standards are too high.
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Originally Posted by Zansatsu
I found myself in relationships feeling like the emotional mule and often times the financial ox, while having my freedoms curtailed beyond reason (You can't see your friends or I will become upset).
The correct response in such a situation is to see your friends and allow her to become upset - she's inflicting it upon herself by being so unreasonable. If she was such a silly person as to consider that acceptable behaviour, I would have had second thoughts about dating her anyway. My attitude to a boyfriend going out with his friends would be "Great, now I can sit on the sofa in my pjs with a dram of whisky and read my book in peace".
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Originally Posted by Zansatsu
I've always wanted an equal: companion, partner, and lover. I've always wanted someone who would be as devoted and loyal to me as I would be to her. I want mutual respect. I hear you, hun.
Loyalty and respect aren't necessarily so hard to find in a person. The problem is finding equal intelligence and ambition, mutual attraction and similar interests, in that same person who also loves and respects you. At least, it's difficult if you're looking for high standards of those attributes - unfortunately most genuises look like Bill Haverchuck
I was once sensitive and strong, and what did it get me? Rejection, rudeness, rejection, evasiveness, rejection, unkindness, rejection... oh, and did I mention rejection???
To all those women out there who SAY they're looking for a nice guy, I say talk to the middle finger.
lol! he was like you and me once.. he smiled.. he laughed.. he cared.. and then that thing happened..
stop feeling sorry for yourself.. yes, you are!.. just a little, cause you know how nice you are and it seems unfair... but.. like the ladies said, theyre driving to your state to knock your door down any minute so no worries.. you proved yourself.. they like you!, which means women in real life like you too. dont get so wrapped up in this description of yourself as a nice guy that you forget to live, and become a control freak... i mean, when was the last time you really ****ing partied (really cut loose i mean)(also, that was rhetorical, so dont quote me and answer that, im making a point here..)? what im trying to get at, is that i think you should live now as if for sure things are gonna work out.. like, have fun and be fun and stuff..
ide like to repeat this, as it may be the only useful thing in what i just typed.. i think you should live now as if for sure things are gonna work out. have fun and be fun!
"Outdoors" means "Away from books/computers"; an equivalence that could only result in my unhappiness. I actually have a sticker on my back that says "Keep Out Of Direct Sunlight". Anyway, sunlight gives you wrinkles. However I believe we're supposed to go outside to get vitamin D and alleviate depression, so I do venture out occasionally.
Mhmm, my Northern Spanish heritage gives me my complexion so I understand about sunlight. I'd prefer to stay looking as young as possible for as long as possible and besides Vitamin D can be supplemented. And depression is treatable through anti-depressants, so I've got both of those covered.
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If you and I were the same person, it would be called narcissism or masturbation, depending on what we were doing. Also they would lock you up for talking to yourself.
I'm not sure if I should be arroused or disturbed... perhaps it's both, but for the record, you suggested the concept.
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In many cases, one person is completely happy while the other is unhappy and dissatisfied with the relationship and their partner. What I mean is, are you usually the one who is satisfied or dissatisfied? I am usually the latter, which probably means my standards are too high.
I've been in both kinds of relationships. I can't say that I'm an either/or person. Everything is in shades of grey, so I tend to see the good and bad in the relationships I've been in. I just want someone whose faults I can tolerate. lol
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The correct response in such a situation is to see your friends and allow her to become upset - she's inflicting it upon herself by being so unreasonable. If she was such a silly person as to consider that acceptable behaviour, I would have had second thoughts about dating her anyway. My attitude to a boyfriend going out with his friends would be "Great, now I can sit on the sofa in my pjs with a dram of whisky and read my book in peace".
Trust me, they don't last long after that, I just seem to find too much of that.
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Loyalty and respect aren't necessarily so hard to find in a person. The problem is finding equal intelligence and ambition, mutual attraction and similar interests, in that same person who also loves and respects you. At least, it's difficult if you're looking for high standards of those attributes - unfortunately most genuises look like Bill Haverchuck
I've seen too many cute and smart girls in my life to believe that they don't exist. Besides, I've been told I'm not too bad on the eyes either... check my avatar. But I agree, finding someone with all the right variables who is receptive to you *at the right time* is very difficult indeed.
what im trying to get at, is that i think you should live now as if for sure things are gonna work out.. like, have fun and be fun and stuff..
ide like to repeat this, as it may be the only useful thing in what i just typed.. i think you should live now as if for sure things are gonna work out. have fun and be fun!
Thank you, this is what I'm striving for. Now get that nervous tick checked out. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..
Thank you, this is what I'm striving for. Now get that nervous tick checked out. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..
that was funny,, im trying to work on not being so critical of my thoughts and ideas, let them flow a little better.. itll smooth itself out eventually
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Contrary to your opinion, I would actually be very interested in a guy who plays video games, because he wouldn't have a go at me when I want to play them - he might even play them with me! It's just a matter of finding the right person who enjoys the same things you do - the right partner will accept your hobbies and possibly even share them, not be put off by them. 
) solution to his romantic woes.
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