Broken,
I'm glad the legal part is working out for you at least. Although that isn't what is weighing on your mind. I know you don't want this and that you miss him and your family, but please realize that you deserve so much better. There are guys out there that think the way you think, love the way you love, and value marriage the way you need them to. You've been dealt a really rough hand in life right now and have handled it with strength and grace that anyone should admire. It hurts now, but I believe in karma and you have some fabulous things coming your way.
TOJAZ
__________________
Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -Dr.Sydney Friedman
You can take what Tojaz said and put it in the bank
Tojaz - You nailed it! Heed the words of Liza and others you have a gift
Gallon
Thanks Gallon, think I'm blushing a bit LOL don't know about a gift, maybe if Broken comes on and tells me something i said helped, until then it's just words on a screen.
I'm alright Tojaz! I just can't help but be heart broken for my children! My son is 2 1/2 and my daughter is 6 weeks old...they'll never have any lasting memories of their Mommy and Daddy together and happy! Gosh, this is just all so messed up to me...out of a freakin soap opera, a jerry springer episode, judge judy...anything but my real life...at least that's what I wish!
I don't want him because I'm so desperately in love with him anymore, I want him because he is the only one that can complete my family with my children the right way...
I'm alright Tojaz! I just can't help but be heart broken for my children! My son is 2 1/2 and my daughter is 6 weeks old...they'll never have any lasting memories of their Mommy and Daddy together and happy! Gosh, this is just all so messed up to me...out of a freakin soap opera, a jerry springer episode, judge judy...anything but my real life...at least that's what I wish!
I don't want him because I'm so desperately in love with him anymore, I want him because he is the only one that can complete my family with my children the right way...
You do very little credit to yourself by saying that he is necessary to complete your family. The love you have for your kids shows through time and time again, your going to be able to love them enough for both of you, thats for sure. You want your family to be happy, loving, supportive, commited! Sad as it is and for whatever reason, he is unable or unwilling to provide that for you right now. I think it much better to be a loving single mother then subject your darling kids to an unwilling father. Families come in all shapes sizes and configurations, the only constant is love and mutual respect. He does not have that for you or your family and therefore has no place in it! Thats a privelege he does not deserve! You deserve better and your kids certainly deserve better. That is the right way.
TOJAZ
However at some point you have to get control of the victim mentality you are stuck in. The more you focus on what is out of your control the worse you are going to feel. You cannot control your stbx husbands actions, feelings, thoughts or anything. In fact you have control over one thing and one thing only. Yourself and your actions. Everything else is acceptance. The more you try to deny or change things that are completely out of your control the more out of control you will feel.
There are no answers to the how or why and never will be. There is only "Can I change it?" and "What am I going to do about it?"
Excellent advice. Rings very true in my situation as well.
__________________ you've been too gone for too long, now it's too late to come back home-------randy travis
You do very little credit to yourself by saying that he is necessary to complete your family. The love you have for your kids shows through time and time again, your going to be able to love them enough for both of you, thats for sure. You want your family to be happy, loving, supportive, commited! Sad as it is and for whatever reason, he is unable or unwilling to provide that for you right now. I think it much better to be a loving single mother then subject your darling kids to an unwilling father. Families come in all shapes sizes and configurations, the only constant is love and mutual respect. He does not have that for you or your family and therefore has no place in it! Thats a privelege he does not deserve! You deserve better and your kids certainly deserve better. That is the right way.
TOJAZ
tojaz speaks nothing but the truth. no matter what, YOU will always be there for your children.
Reality just set in...the realtor just stopped by to put the for sale sign in the front yard! Ugh, I don't want any of this!!!
Broken Hearted - your story is one of the saddest I've read on this forum. I too will be putting up the 'for sale' sign on my house soon. I'm thinking of you tonight BH, I really am. Just wanted you to know that.
I was diagnosed with ptsd after my husband put me in the hospital.I won't get into that cause I am still dealing with the issue. I have been through over 6 months of therapy.I used to have a very high profile job so group therapy was not an option. I use a private therapist and have also used hypnosis therapy to bring out blocked memories of the abuse. I take lexapro for the ptsd and help me sleep. I still have recurrent nightmares. I never get a full nights sleep and awake several times in the night. I know longer cry upon waking. The meds have helped calm the anxiety from the whole situation. Ptsd is more common than people realize. I wish you the best in dealing with this. It's tough.
The house going up for sale is one of the biggest steps in all this mess. Hopefully, it will fatten up your bank account, gives you more independence, and you pick out a lovely place to live in with your children.
Once you know where you're going and what you're doing in life, the further away in your mind he will become.
Well, I went to counseling on Wednesday night for the first time since I found out about my husband's affair and since divorce has been filed...she said with all of her education and experience, she is quite sure I am suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She also mentioned that she doesn't think she's ever had a client who has suffered so much trauma in such a short period of time. She saw my husband and I together for about 6 sessions back in Feb. and March and she tried to make it very clear to me that everything my husband has done, acted, and said to me is not personal and has no nothing to do with me or his love for me. She said that he missed a very significant developmental stage earlier in life and he is now going back to learn that stage...unfortunately that comes at the cost of his wife, his marriage, his kids, and his family. She said he has some serious issues going on within himself that he needs to work on or he will never be able to have a successful relationship w anyone bc the stage he missed is a necessity as an adult and in a relationship. Though I'm still devastated by everything he's done and his actions, it does feel a little better that this is not personal towards me at all but rather something within himself that is wrong.
On a side note, my husband dropped the kids back off at home with me after his evening with them last night...my husband gave our son and daughter a kiss and started walking towards the door. My son said, "wait Daddy, you forgot to give Mommy a hug and kiss". Ugh...that one hurt!!!
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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