I seem to be having a much harder time accepting my situation and beginning to move forward than most others. I have vivid dreams about my husband still and also have dreams where he and the OW are both in them. I cry every single day, I am very depressed, I just can't seem to shake these feelings no matter how much I try and tell myself I'm better off with the divorce. I can't shake the feelings of wanting to be a family and I can't seem to shake the anger that I have towards my husband. I hate his for what he's done to me, to our children, to our marriage, and I really hate that he just gave up, didn't give our family or our 11 year history a chance to be happy again. My poor daughter was put through hell the entire time I was carrying her bc of what my husband was putting me through. She came into this world with her parent's divorcing. I get vivid pictures and flashbacks daily. The flashback that I can't seem to shake is the day my husband disclosed to me that he had been sleeping with another woman.
For those of you who don't know my story, check out my thread "Still heart broken and terrified I may never recover."
I truly believe that I may be suffering from some sort of post traumatic stress disorder after all the events that have transpired in my life over the last 8 months. Is this possible??
BH I think that it may indeed be possible for you...I am not nearly ready to give up my family or my H...trust me you are not being left behind in any way...moving forward is at our own pace period. I feel that I have grown so much and found some of the confidence in myself that I was missing way back when...so quit degrading yourself for having dreams about the H or not being where you think you should be...If you are physically taking care of yourself and your kids then that is step one...step two make plans for you and the kids...
We talked before about getting a "vacation" with the kids...did you get it? You can PM me anytime...I am not on all the time and I get on often and read without posting but I am here for you.
__________________ Love is a grave mental disease. -Plato (427?-348?)
This situation is toxic, for you and your children you need to find a way to suck out the poison.
Please keep posting here, you are amongst friends.
I read your post on Lisa's latest thread, you do have hope of finding someone new in the future. This is good, keep the faith and it will happen.
I did not have similar hopes, I was a coward and I was deteremined to never fall in love again. I spent a good 15 years running. I thought I was safe. And I still got caught.
Broken,
I wouldn't call it a disorder. You have had a lot of stress to deal with, more then a lot of the people here who are "only" going through a divorce. To cope with this and the other losses in your life, all while trying to be a single mother and pregnant. It takes time to heal and to regain yourself. Your not alone in that, there are a lot of poor souls who fall back into dispair because of some dream or other trigger. I still do. In watching your posts, your finding new ways to get it out, both through posting on others threads and through your poetry. Your a lot stronger then you give yourself credit for, I think anybody will agree!
TOJAZ
__________________
Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -Dr.Sydney Friedman
Lisa, you are a beautiful and amazing woman! Please don't ever forget this! Your ex doesn't want you but that's okay because he doesn't deserve you! My ex doesn't want me either, I want him but I know he doesn't deserve me so I am praying that I can somehow begin to be okay with him not wanting me.
Please keep your head up, you are an amazing person and you deserve nothing but the best. Please don't settle for anything other than that!
Broken, Take a litttle of your own advice! Just like ladybug said, I'm here for you if you need me, you know how to get ahold of me alright. Anytime
TOJAZ
So, I've been researching online PTSD and affairs and it's very possible and in fact quite common for the BS to suffer from this to a degree. All of the feelings and symptoms that were outlined regarding PTSD and infidelity, I am experiencing to some degree. I guess I'm worse off than I thought. I thought I could handle this myself but I'm thinking it's probably finally time to speak to a professional.
I think some counseling would do you some good. It helps me an awful lot, just having a place to let it all out. You might want to read some of the great books about what your going through as well. Sometimes understanding the emotional side of things helps to better cope with it. Crazy Time was a big help for me.
TOJAZ
A lot of people when the think of PTSD they think of some Vietnam, Iraq or Afghanistan combat vet.
Which is not true. You can come down with PTSD with any life alternating event? Be it a car wreck, a death in the family, a divorce, anything stressful and life alternating say such as a divorce?
Its basically the mind not being able to deal with any given situation at hand at the moment ~ BUT needing to deal with the given situation at the moment.
Thus the emotions of the moment are set aside ~ and one is compelled to do what what one must do?
Only to have the emotions to come a haunting later. Often years later.
BH you've gone through a traumatic event in your life. Your brain has gone "Tilt" as in a pin-bong machine. Nothing makes sense, your life doesn't make sense, your existence in your mind doesn't make sense.
Your all over the place trying to validate you existence?
Your trying to make sense of your life?
Your questioning your life.
Your questioning your very existence and reason for living.
Your trying to figure out where to go from here?
What to leave in?
What to leave out?
Can you trust again?
Can you even learn to trust again?
Love again?
Oh! I've been there! The sleepless nights, staring at the ceiling,the LED of the damned alarm clock saying WTF, the tossing and turning.
__________________
I may not be perfect! But, parts of me are pretty awesome, and I'm working on the rest!
Broken, i think the nuts and bolts are that you are trying very hard to make sense of a situation that dosen't make sense, and to take control of something you have no control over. Thats enough to mess with anybodies head. Just do your best to take control of the things you can, and leave the rest, it's really all you can do.
TOJAZ
[QUOTE=broken hearted;2444603 I truly believe that I may be suffering from some sort of post traumatic stress disorder after all the events that have transpired in my life over the last 8 months. Is this possible??[/QUOTE]
Of course you are, that's horrific to go through. Some people are more equipped to shrug it off and keep moving along, but if your an emotional person as is, what your experiencing seems pretty normal after having gone through it. Hugs to you, I hope it gets better.
I am starting to believe that my husband is very embarassed by what he's done to me, our marriage, and our family. He still sees his counselor weekly, has completely broken off all contact with anyone that we ever knew as a couple, including people who were his friends alone throughout the marriage, and refuses to talk about or basically acknowledge the pain and devastation his actions have caused me, our children, my family, his family, etc. He told me the other day that there may be a day in the future where he wakes up and wants everything back.
I'm starting to think that he thinks divorce and complete indifference towards me, the situation, and his actions are the only solution to our marriage because the other alternative (dealing with his behavior, actions, and pain he caused everyone) is too much work. It's like he wants to distance himself from me, our family, our history, our memories, and everything that's happened in the last 8 months as much as possible to sort of pretend the whole situation of what he did never happened.
I am starting to believe that my husband is very embarassed by what he's done to me, our marriage, and our family. He still sees his counselor weekly, has completely broken off all contact with anyone that we ever knew as a couple, including people who were his friends alone throughout the marriage, and refuses to talk about or basically acknowledge the pain and devastation his actions have caused me, our children, my family, his family, etc. He told me the other day that there may be a day in the future where he wakes up and wants everything back.
I'm starting to think that he thinks divorce and complete indifference towards me, the situation, and his actions are the only solution to our marriage because the other alternative (dealing with his behavior, actions, and pain he caused everyone) is too much work. It's like he wants to distance himself from me, our family, our history, our memories, and everything that's happened in the last 8 months as much as possible to sort of pretend the whole situation of what he did never happened.
Does this make sense??
it makes perfect sense to me. my ex was doing the same thing. since we signed and everything's final, i'm getting the impression she's inching her way back toward me. she rekindled a friendship recently that she's ignored for 5 months. i've remained very close with that particular friend all along, and the ex ignored all of her calls, texts and e-mails until a couple weeks ago. she seems to be a bit interested in me again. maybe she always was. i don't know. she told my mother last week that divorce is something she never wanted, but she feels like she force my hand and made me file. i don't know. sorry to threadjack, bh. maybe you and i should just start dating.
I am starting to believe that my husband is very embarassed by what he's done to me, our marriage, and our family. He still sees his counselor weekly, has completely broken off all contact with anyone that we ever knew as a couple, including people who were his friends alone throughout the marriage, and refuses to talk about or basically acknowledge the pain and devastation his actions have caused me, our children, my family, his family, etc. He told me the other day that there may be a day in the future where he wakes up and wants everything back.
I'm starting to think that he thinks divorce and complete indifference towards me, the situation, and his actions are the only solution to our marriage because the other alternative (dealing with his behavior, actions, and pain he caused everyone) is too much work. It's like he wants to distance himself from me, our family, our history, our memories, and everything that's happened in the last 8 months as much as possible to sort of pretend the whole situation of what he did never happened.
Does this make sense??
Hi Broken
Yes complete sense. I lived this also. My ex actually said it was too much effort and work to try and work things out. In other words he couldn't be bothered! In terms of distancing himself, he has said, "people break up all the time" (it was 18 years for goodness sakes) and he asked for complete NC, b/c talking with me, texting or remaining friends was "preventing him from moving on with his life". He couldn't even send me a b'day card 7 months on. Anyone would think I did something terrible to him.
Have you seen the website about abandonment someone posted on my last thread? That's my life, that's what happened, how he left and I think it probably is what your H did to you to Broken. He's trying to justify his behaviour to himself and demonising you as a means to do that. Why do you think he's seeing a counsellor? Is it b/c he is trying to work through his emotional issues that led him to abandon his family or is it so he can find justifications for his bad behaviour?
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Just like ladybug said, I'm here for you if you need me, you know how to get ahold of me alright. Anytime
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