[Island Girl]

It just isn't the ending we ever imagined it would be.

There are those of you out there that are familiar with the trauma that has plagued my husband's country the last couple of months.

Unfortunately there was even more stressed placed upon an already entirely too stressful situation.
We hadn't been able to speak as we normally used to for a while either.

With new stress factors happening every couple of days -- MAJOR things like acts of nature and great loss of lives -- there was a break down.

On his side, he retreated into himself and I believe frustration and desperation were all that were present.
On my side, my frustration also grew and although I was trying to be understanding - a level of communication was lost.

We had an argument. It was a big one but not any bigger than some in the past.
However, this time there were things that were said that was a line not to be crossed. A Pandora's Box was opened by him and unfortunately due to circumstances and geography there can be no rectifying of it.

In no way does this mean relationships don't work. It doesn't mean people do not love each other - because I know surely we both do and have.
But we do have to take care of love that we are given and with our situation and the time, stress, and issues that have already been straining our relationship we just couldn't take another factor. And we had several more right on a row.

When words are all you have they can be a great gift but sometimes we say things in the heat of the moment that we can never take back or change.
And sometimes those things that are said leave questions and doubt. We have generally been careful about this. He has always had a hotter temper and has had a handful of times where something was said that was over the line. He would always recant and state he was just angry and that I know him and I shouldn't take those things seriously. We'd have a discussion and I would say "you have to be careful because you can't take those things back - once you say them they stick out there - and knowing the way that I am one day you are going to say something one too many times or it is going to be a more severe comment and there will be no going back from that" -- and months would go by where it wouldn't happen. Well, with everything going on, he pushed the envelope -- I pushed back.
We aren't face to face we can only rely on words as far as our commitment and loyalty to each other. Those have been called into question (more than likely on both sides) but on my side it is irreconcilable.

We are both culpable. Each of us can point out a lot of things and pull he said she said crap and struggle or pick some more but we won't. It is a sad turn of events to be sure.
While I am sure there will be bad days, I have also made my peace with it.