I’ve been viewing the site for awhile, but finally decided to post what I’m going through. So here's my story, just need some advice and to hear what others who have gone through similar things have to say. I'll try to keep it brief, but I'm sure that's going to be tough.
My wife and I (we’re young 29 and 28 yrs old) have been married for 5 years (together 8yrs) and in June she told me she wanted to separate and discussed divorce. I didn’t see this coming. She told me it was because I have been neglecting her, our relationship has not evolved or grown in a positive way, she feels I have been taking from her....taking her for granted, taking from her financially, and wiping her out emotionally. She says she was trying to tell me (which I never got) that she was upset and that things needed to change or else. We saw a counselor for a few sessions, but she said she only did it for me since I was taking things pretty badly. I know she’s been having an emotional affair with this younger guy from her school and they have been hanging out all the time together. She is a very outgoing, very social, flirtatious person. I'm pretty much the opposite. She has said that her and the guy nothing has happened and I sort of believe her. I also know this is not the first time she's done something like this with another guy. I'm just not the jealous type and because of her personality usually just shrug it off as the guy being one of her friends. We don’t have any kids, so I guess at least that’s good. But that makes it so much easier for her to leave me…she can just make a clean break.
She moved out of the house in July and we have been separated since then. She totally did a 180 on her life too. She moved out and is living with a friend; she quit her job, going back to school, and is kind of now living like a college student. She seems pretty happy…of course being a college student again and living that life style and not having much responsiblilty would be exciting and fun again. Plus I know she still is hanging out and talking to that other guy all the time. About a month ago she stopped at the house when I wasn’t home and left her rings. We see each other probably once every week or two and that’s about it.
How do I feel? Well I still love her to death, I want to work on things and I know that a lot of the faults that she has with things are correct. I have taken our marriage for granted and have neglected her some. I don’t think we have communicated very well with each other which didn’t help. We never yelled at each other and argued, which looking back now probably wasn’t very helpful. I want to do better and be a better husband, but she won’t give me the chance. She hasn’t said I love you, miss you, or any other gesture since June giving me a sign she’d like to try. She just wants to give up. I also feel like she was holding her cards all in a row and laid them all down at once…we never discussed marital issues…she kept all of her problems to herself and threw all the cards down at once. When I see her and we discuss things, we both cry…her now more than me. She removed me as her friend on facebook and she takes forever to get back to any texts that I send her…she is really trying to remove me. She's said she doesn't want to share her life with me anymore
I’m still living at the house and we haven’t divorced yet because she told me she just can’t afford it (with all her life changes she’s financially tight right now, if not hurting). It hurts being at the house cause everything reminds me of her…it’s pretty tough. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve talked to friends and family…everyone tells me that she’s making a mistake. Even most of her friends have told me they think what she’s doing is pretty stupid. People keep on telling me to move on…but I keep on having hope that things will work out…but every day I lose a little help. Let me know what you guys think…if you need anymore info to make an opinion…post away and I’ll answer.
Thanks in advance!
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