Any tips from those of you who decided to try to reconcile with your ex?
Mine, after 2 months, and overwhelming contact on his part, finally realized that he was wrong and wants to try again. We've had many conversations about what went wrong, how we can go about things differently, and we deeply love each other and have been absolutely miserable apart. (long story, see my 23 page thread, Over or not over?)
Just want to be well prepared for this meeting next week. Going in with extreme caution. Any advice?
Be prepared for it NOT to work out. I'm not saying don't try..just don't expect all things to be fine and dandy. It's not starting fresh. There WILL still be things brought up from the past from both of you. It's almost easier to find someone new and start fresh IMO..
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"Everybodys got a plan till they get hit in the mouth"- Mike Tyson
Hey remember 'love is a stream that will find its own course', nothing anyone can do or say here now can help you because over time your either meant for each other or your not. Sometimes things revert to how they were (cause we are who we are) and sometimes we realize what we have lost. There is even a third group of people who bless them come back because they tried in the outside world and failed and are crawling back because they now know they wont get better.
I guess you want this and seem very committed to it and its gonna happen it appears. I guess my only advice is to be positive!!!
The same thing happened with me - split up with ex boyfriend 3 months ago after being together for 16 months, it was my decision. He had been in touch a couple of times but basically I realised that I had to keep my distance as he was hurting alot so I didn't contact him and assumed it was over.
He then called out of the blue and wanted to meet for lunch.
All i can say is be prepared for the unexpected. I didn't go there with a`plan' of what to say but it happened that as we were looking at the menu's I asked if he'd slept with anyone whilst we'd been apart. He went quite quiet and them said yes 2 so I said oh 2 he then went even quieter and whispered 3. Well you could have knocked me down with a feather!!
So i think i might think it might be an idea to think about what you're going to say to him!! Good Luck
Location: My own head but trying to find a new place to dwell
Posts: 781
So what is the non-negotiable list of specific actions he needs to do to win you back? What is the list of non-negotiable changes he needs to make to win you back?
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"There can be no Peace, Joy or Contentment in your heart, if the things you say are different to the things you do"-Xena the Buddhist Monk Warrior Princess
good luck mim. i would suggest that you both take it slow at first.depending on the situation it my be the best move. i would say do not expect to jump right back into that comfort zone that you once had in your relationship. that is gone now, even though remnants of it still remain. this is not a bad thing because it will give you both a chance to grow even more together.
i offer this advice because i met up with my dumpee last week. we spent 3 great nights together, but on the 4th she said that it was just too hard right now and needed time. said she did not want to be with me at that time. tore me up real bad inside.
then this past monday, after about 4 days of n.c. we went out and had another amazing night. this time it felt more tangible and real. lt made me realize that we were rushing into things at first. but, i see that by taking it slowly our new relationship will have a much better chance to grow.
i would say make this clear in the beginning. and lay out the reasons, this could save both of you from unnecessary heartache.
Any tips from those of you who decided to try to reconcile with your ex?
Mine, after 2 months, and overwhelming contact on his part, finally realized that he was wrong and wants to try again. We've had many conversations about what went wrong, how we can go about things differently, and we deeply love each other and have been absolutely miserable apart. (long story, see my 23 page thread, Over or not over?)
Just want to be well prepared for this meeting next week. Going in with extreme caution. Any advice?
good luck!!! You are already lucky you get to at least see him. I've been straight no contact for almost three months since I packed up my things from her house. I know I will never get that second chance because she left me for another guy.
By the way, I should have said that he has learned that it is wrong to leave if he gets overwhelmed. That he cannot and should not expect any more second chances. Both the therapist and I have said this. Our therapist made it clear to me that I could not ever give him a second chance again as it will then be a pattern of behavior that he is CHOOSING not to control and that it would be self-destructive on my part to go back a third time.
We both truly understand that and I think that he truly is ashamed by that behavior. He has certainly expressed this enough in the past few months.
By the way, I should have said that he has learned that it is wrong to leave if he gets overwhelmed. That he cannot and should not expect any more second chances. Both the therapist and I have said this. Our therapist made it clear to me that I could not ever give him a second chance again as it will then be a pattern of behavior that he is CHOOSING not to control and that it would be self-destructive on my part to go back a third time.
We both truly understand that and I think that he truly is ashamed by that behavior. He has certainly expressed this enough in the past few months.
Thank you for sharing all of this... It's very helpful... I'm really glad it's working out for you guys...
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Good Luck
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