[boldjack]

Aerogirl, yes your ex was a jerk. But the bottom line is that you cheated, he didn't, so work from that.

[boldjack]

Kizzle, I don't think of you at all, unless you address me personally. You seem to have an inflated opinion of yourself. Had you bothered to read my WHOLE post, you would have read that this total transparency should only last for a finite amount of time. Until either A) she has proven her trustworthiness, to the OP's satisfaction or B) the OP realizes that his trust will never return, no matter what she does. At that point a split up is the probable result.

[boldjack]

Do you have kids ? Teenagers? WS are in no way like kids. As far as the rest of what you said.............................................

[Jaspe_Loco]

Originally Posted by poizon74

I already posted about my situation in the "Long Distance Relationship" thread, so I won't rehash all the details, but basically my g/f (ex finance) cheated on me while we were in an LDR. She never did while we lived together (about 8 years) and now we have moved back together.

I know she's sorry about it and she's been nothing but wonderful to me since we've been back together. I honestly don't think she will cheat on me again, like I said I won't get into circumstances (and I know none can justify infidelity) but they are such that if any situation lent itself to forgiveness it's this. - I guess a quick explanation - I told her I would move with her, went back on my word and instead said we'd have to make it an LDR for 4-5 years, she told me time and time again that she couldn't do it, she called me up crying for months that she missed me so badly and couldn't stand living apart, finally she cheated on me but flew out to tell me in person after it happened and says she still really only wants to be with me.

But there is a strange thing I'm noticing to cheating... even if realistically I highly doubt she'll ever cheat on my again I can't shake this uneasy feeling, I still don't have complete trust in her like I did...

I messed up bad but then moved back with her and it restored her confidence in me. I know she messed up bad and she knows it too, but aside from constant apologies what can she do to help restore my confidence in her?

any thoughts? anyone mess up and cheat but find a way to make it up? If so how?

I never got over my wife cheating on me. I guess in part was how I found out. She only told me because she thought a friend of ours was about to rat on her. Then when she told me who it was, I was floored. I thought it would be a different guy. Turns out she had slept with both of them. She played the "Jesus saved me" card and I stayed, but the resentment never went away. Especially the accusations that I was cheating on her when, at the time, I never considered it. That was ten years ago. A few years ago, she came close, if she didn't do it. I eventually filed for divorce, but she played the "Salvation" card again and I didn't have the guts to follow through with it.

The bottom line is, had we had something in our relationship to build upon... some good times, I think we could have overcome it. We didn't. No matter how hard I tried to find the happy times, there just was one miserable experience after another. The only time in our marriage we were happy, was when she was pregnant. The happiness ended shortly after that.

So, in a nutshell, look over your relationship and try to see if there is something you can build upon. You can't erase bad moments in a relationship, but I believe it's possible to have enough good moments to make the bad ones hardly noticeable.

[seibert253]

To REBUILD or REEARN trust it involves a few things.

1. Complete honesty about EVERYTHING
2. Complete transparency about EVERYTHING, emails, cellphones, FB, MS
3. Total NC with the OP
4. Remorse and sorrow about what occurred
5. 100% commitment, (from both BS and WS) to repair the relationship

without these, trust will never return.