The predominate view I'm gathering by many posters here is that if a woman is intelligent she is either (1) insecure and/or (2) unattractive.
I haven't gotten that impression from either of your threads related to this subject. Certainly women here are not going to say intelligent women are insecure and unattractive as most of us consider ourselves to be intelligent. The majority of men who responded to your threads seem to appreciate intelligent women and don't have a problem being out witted by a woman in a conversation as long as she is not arrogant.
I think that there is a certain type of woman (and man, most likely) that THINK they are intellectual and broadcast the fact at dinner parties in an arrogant, judgemental way (pseudo intellectuals, I guess you could say). These women are very unattractive.
A true intellectual/intelligent woman will, in my opinion, also possess wisdom. Wisdom allows a person to understand why they need to be humble, and that relative to the world and its contents, they could hold 10 PhD's and still know only 0.001% of everything there is to know in the world. This type of woman would also be so secure in their mental accuities that they equally enjoy their feminine and fun side. This type of woman, I guess, would be attractive to lots of men.
I do agree that some men can be turned off by a very intelligent women though (maybe women feel that way about very intelligent men, too?).
To add to my previous post....the humble comment relates to both genders-wisdom and humility of one's intellectual abilities is a great possession for a man as well as a woman (in my opinion, anyway!).
I guess I am one of those weird guys, although they are not represented on this thread thus far, that prefer a woman with a high intellect. To me this is a very attractive quality...and most of us guys would agree that the naughty librarian is stored in the fantasy archetypes of the mind somewhere.
I do think, however, that there is a kind of person, be they male or female, that presents their insecurity by pushing their intellect on others. This is a person that may not be secure in other aspects of their personality and so they always make sure that others realize their superior intellect. This is simialr to the guy always flexing, or the woman that is always wearing a mini skirt, even in the snow.
__________________ Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there. -Rumi
Wisdom allows a person to understand why they need to be humble,
Arrogance can also be unpleasant to be around at times, but it's often accompanied by an optimism and zest for life that makes you (or me, at least) forgive the arrogant person. I can't imagine why anyone would think "humble" is a good thing to be. In fact, the word brings out a strong enough reaction in me that I felt the need to check "humble" in Google images. Here's what came up:
I don't think anyone "needs" to be humble, and I don't recall ever wanting to see someone humbled. Helped to face reality when they've become arrogant to the point of delusional - yes. Encouraged/teased into being a bit more modest when their arrogance is becoming irritating, or making them a laughing stock - yes.
Humbled...no. Yuk. Who wants to be Uriah or Uriahess Heep?
Succeeding without claiming ownership of the success is the essence of humility. I find, in practice, to be immersed in the next challenge and pursuit lessens the likelihood of basking in the praise of the past.
If an intellectual woman is always moving and looking forward, accepting her mistakes and past, learning from them and accepting new challenges, I find that attractive.
Can a woman really be intellectual without her being perceived as one of these two things viz. insecure and/or unattractive?
Sure, and to me, the attractiveness turns upon the balance between intellect and emotion. The two qualities are not mutually exclusive and, IMO, a high intellect can be a benefit when expressing one's emotional side in a relationship.
The predominate view I'm gathering by many posters here is that if a woman is intelligent she is either (1) insecure and/or (2) unattractive.
I don't agree with your conclusion on popular opinion.
That said, I do on some subconscious level associate very physically attractive women with being less intelligent or learned. I know women can coast by on good looks without having to develop a great personality or a wealth of knowledge.
I don't automatically attribute intelligence and personality to ugly women either.
I do not apply the same appraisal to men.
__________________ Suppose we've chosen the wrong god, everytime we got to church we're making him madder and madder. - H J Simpson.
I certainly think it's possible to be intelligent and attractive. However, People that try to prove that they're intellectuals by either bringing complicated topics up at the wrong times or speak purposely in high diction in front of others who do not send vibes of insecurity. You can certainly be educated beyond your intelligence. For me, the issue is not as much WHAT you know as it is when you decide to BRING UP what you know. True intellectuals in my book retain their modesty and don't take themselves too seriously. Most importantly, they don't learn for the sole purpose of impressing others. That goes for both men and women.
always searching, it's pretty obvious that you're an intelligent woman. Keep in mind that you'll find a subsection of the male populace who are threatened by a woman who's more intelligent than they are. You'll also find a subsection of the female population who will meow mix on you. Most often, you'll find that the vast majority of people will appreciate it.
With this in mind, choose your partners and friends with care. Choose intelligent partners and friends, and your concerns will all be moot.
always searching, it's pretty obvious that you're an intelligent woman. Keep in mind that you'll find a subsection of the male populace who are threatened by a woman who's more intelligent than they are. You'll also find a subsection of the female population who will meow mix on you. Most often, you'll find that the vast majority of people will appreciate it.
With this in mind, choose your partners and friends with care. Choose intelligent partners and friends, and your concerns will all be moot.
LOL, well, that's why I'm friends with you, TBF!
Honestly, I posted this thread because I was interested in the responses for psychological/sociological reasons, not because I think of myself as intellectual.
I mean, I hope to be an intellectual one day; I enjoy spending time with intellectual people (thus, my current predicament!); and I enjoy learning. Still, determining intelligence is about as possible as determining the joy of a person. Someone could go around acting happy all the time and be miserable, whereas someone who isn't always outwardly jovial may have an inner joyful content. It's really difficult to determine these subjective qualities.
I think I'm more someone who enjoys intellectual pursuits and intellectual people, isn't entirely idiotic, but is far from an intellectual. I know absolutely nothing with any kind of certainty except that I exist and God exists, and even the latter is more through faith than reason. I can regurgitate another person's perspective (what Aquinas or Kant believed, for example), but I have no real perspective of my own. So, no: I'm not intelligent.
But, I'm honored and glad that you think so!
__________________
"Our dad use to murder us in cold blood each night and dance about on our graves singing, 'Alleluia!'" John Cleese in the skit Four Yorkshiremen
Honestly, I posted this thread because I was interested in the responses for psychological/sociological reasons, not because I think of myself as intellectual.
I'm flattered that you think so, although I'm also not an intellectual and don't purport to be.
As for the psychological/sociological reasons, the stereotypical attitude is that women are using it as compensation, for assorted reasons.
My attitude is...whatever!
And as previously stated, if the right man is interested, he'll come on strong and no amount of intellect will stop him. If anything, he'll see it as a positive.
__________________
ETA for "Bump" June 8, 2010!
Gestating in a life-satisfying way.
Good thread with some thought provoking responses.
I don't think the line between intelligent and intellectual is really all that clear cut, because many intelligent people are capable of being intellectual sometimes. When someone comes across as an intellectual all the time, whether they're male or female, it does suggest a certain emotional distance from normal, everyday life that could easily be off putting and make relationships difficult to maintain.
For example, I've had friendships where we had deep conversations but little talk of our actual lives, and then I've had friendships where we had those conversations more rarely but connected easily on a day to day level. The latter happened to be healthier, longer lasting friendships.
I do like what Taramere said about not overrating humility, either. Someone who knows what they're good at and takes pleasure in it but also recognizes there's always more to learn, is very attractive.
Last edited by Isolde; 25th October 2009 at 10:08 PM..
Everyone has some insecurities within themselves. It doesn't matter what one looks like or your IQ. There is a lot of labeling of "she's insecure" or "he's extremely insecure" on this board. It always makes me laugh because, as I said, so are YOU or you wouldn't be posting on this board with your problem. You'd let it go.
In my opinion I think women can be seen as intellectual and not insecure or unattractive. Just because a woman doesn't want to dress like other women who show off their bodies more just means intellectual women want to be taken more seriously so they wear less makeup and revealing clothing. Some men may find that unattractive but most find it sexy for a woman to be intellectual and cover some of her body leaving something to the imagination left which is more fun then seeing it all displayed in front of you because then you know what it looks like.
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June 8, 2010 
Hybrid Mode
