Why they put so much importance on the woman but not the man..
Dating or marriage, I heard of guys considering asking the parents' permission, mainly the father. Why? Why can they just ask the woman herself in that moment. Why the need to first go to the parents and then her, like she can't make a decision on her own.
Doesn't that mean you are incapcitating her to make a decision like a grown-up does? Besides if she's over age 18, it's embarrassing.... Finally isn't it suppost to be the woman herself introducing her parents who she is gonna date/marry.
Lastly what difference does it make anyways? Say if the parents say no to it but the girl said yes or vice-versa...
So much importance on a woman being treated like a handicapped person needing protecting and yet with the man there is none of that... Ridiculous...
If a guy suggested I ask for my parents' permission, I would find it weird and reconsider being with him. Afterall it's my choose who I want to be with. My parents' answer doesn't even matter, it's the woman's permission he's suppost to ask not the parents. Doesn't anyone agree with this??
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Last edited by samsungxoxo; 28th September 2009 at 5:33 PM..
It's been traditional in some cultures to do that. It's got nothing whatsoever to do with treating the woman as if she was handicapped or anything of the sort. It can also go a long way in establishing - or strengthening - the relationship between the guy and his soon-to-be inlaws.
It's been traditional in some cultures to do that. It's got nothing whatsoever to do with treating the woman as if she was handicapped or anything of the sort. It can also go a long way in establishing - or strengthening - the relationship between the guy and his soon-to-be inlaws.
Good point but I would prefer one that treats me like an individual being that doesn't have to ask for their permission after a certain age and can make her own decisions.
It is a throw back to the days where females were property. A man looking for a wife would have to win favor of a girl's father because she would be her father's property.
Somehow, it was twisted to be a "chivalrous" move on the behalf of the groom. To show his intentions were true, he would face her father and make all his promises to the father as though men's promises to each other were worth more than the sweet nothings they vow to women.
There are versions of this for women in some cultures. Like having a face off with your future MIL and other female relative when marrying into a traditional Italian family. Or some Asian cultures where a girl will try to make nice with the mother who may doubt that she is worth the money the family spent on the girl to be her son's bride.
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My best friend had a running joke where he gave his FIL a pig for the hand of his W in marriage. After they had been married awhile, every time he saw his FIL, he asked for the pig back. FIL's response (paraphrased) "I ate it. Tough luck. Keep her."
OP, this is just a tradition in some cultures, much like some cultures will only support marriages with religious stamp of approval (married in a place of worship). I wouldn't expect it to confer the woman as 'property', though that is possible in some cultures.
For most couples, the wedding is all about the woman. If you're a man, you'd better get used to it if you want to get married. I didn't mind at all and thought it was fun.
For most couples, the wedding is all about the woman. If you're a man, you'd better get used to it if you want to get married. I didn't mind at all and thought it was fun.
Gospel. I was just along for the ride when it came to my wedding and the planning for it. Which was fine by me.
I didn't ask my future FiL for his daughter's hand; it didn't even occur to me. But I'll say this much: if a man has the guts to comes up to me and ask for the hand of one of my daughters, or at least my "blessing, his stock is going to go way up in my book.
It is a throw back to the days where females were property. A man looking for a wife would have to win favor of a girl's father because she would be her father's property.
Yup, that's it. And besides, the bride's family would have had to arrange a dowry and come to an agreement with the groom's family, so it was important for the bride's father to be involved.
My SO said he wants to ask my father, but that doesn't really bother me. He knows my family is fairly conservative and traditional (we're Italian ), but I'm fairly certain they'll be caught off guard and really surprised if he does it. It should be interesting.
It might be one thing to ask for a parents' blessing, that's showing respect for the woman's parents, although it still kind of reeks of currying favor and seeking permission, IMO.
I was over thirty when I got formally engaged, had been living with my partner for four years and co-parenting his daughter and my goddaughters with him, had lived on my own for many years before that and worked and paid my own bills. I have a good adult relationship with my parents, but I would have thought my partner had gone out of his mind if he went and asked my dad about marrying me before he asked me about it.
1. Accidentally get my GF pregnant - we are in the midst of amour and I ask "is it safe?". She says yes. She swears she said "no". Very understandable miscommunication right - I mean yes and no sound so - similar. Especially uttered face to face - maybe 6" apart in a room by yourselves. Right after the rapture she says to me - "why didn't you withdraw?".
2. First conversation with her father - who I had never met - was NOT - me asking for her hand. It was me and my GF - explaining to him that she was - umm - pregnant. Her whole family is very religious Catholic. He was super polite about the whole thing. I had already offered to marry her - but she wanted to wait.
3. Fast forward 18 months. I ask her to marry me. She says yes. We then approach the parents.
- I ask her fathers permission - he has grown to like me and says yes
- We tell my parents during a visit to their house shortly after. My mother looks at my wife and says. Congratulations - I do want to emphasize I have a "no return" policy. He is now yours. Enjoy. And then she smirked.
So with regard to property and protocol I am not exactly sure what this means.
Quote:
Originally Posted by carhill
My best friend had a running joke where he gave his FIL a pig for the hand of his W in marriage. After they had been married awhile, every time he saw his FIL, he asked for the pig back. FIL's response (paraphrased) "I ate it. Tough luck. Keep her."
OP, this is just a tradition in some cultures, much like some cultures will only support marriages with religious stamp of approval (married in a place of worship). I wouldn't expect it to confer the woman as 'property', though that is possible in some cultures.
For most couples, the wedding is all about the woman. If you're a man, you'd better get used to it if you want to get married. I didn't mind at all and thought it was fun.
I personally think it's sweet. My fiance asked my dad's permission the day before he proposed to me and my dad loved it. He said he would have been happy that we got engaged even if he didn't ask, but I think he got extra points for doing so.
the first word out of my mouth when my husband proposed to me was "yes!", followed by... "did you talk to my parents?"
i was raised in the south and it has always been a given to me that my future husband ask my parents.
i do not know what the conversation was like between my husband and my parents, but i imagine it was more along the lines of 'i love you daughter, lrb, and i want to ask her to marry me...'
not so much asking as just letting my parents know what his intentions were.
and my mother has asked some of my ex's what their intentions were.... so it is not far fetched to believe that my parents really do respect my husband for the respect he has given them.
i have had friends ask me would i have said yes to my husband if my parents had said they were not in support of our marriage... and honestly, i do not know how i would answer that. i do respect my parents and their opinions, i do not agree with all they say all the time, but i do take their thoughts into consideration- that being said, if my parents felt that my husband was not a suitable spouse for me, i would want to know why and i would take their thoughts into consideration- after all i feel i am a good judge of character.
__________________ .... you just wouldn't get it.....
My best friend had a running joke where he gave his FIL a pig for the hand of his W in marriage. After they had been married awhile, every time he saw his FIL, he asked for the pig back. FIL's response (paraphrased) "I ate it. Tough luck. Keep her."
OP, this is just a tradition in some cultures, much like some cultures will only support marriages with religious stamp of approval (married in a place of worship). I wouldn't expect it to confer the woman as 'property', though that is possible in some cultures.
For most couples, the wedding is all about the woman. If you're a man, you'd better get used to it if you want to get married. I didn't mind at all and thought it was fun.
Yes us women are princesses. i laugh at how submissive men are. you spend so much money on rings, plan romantic stuff, and get on one knee and make the wedding all about the woman.
And us women never have to spend money on you, make you feel special, do something so degrading or submissive or make such a big even all about you.
Yes us women are princesses. i laugh at how submissive men are. you spend so much money on rings, plan romantic stuff, and get on one knee and make the wedding all about the woman.
And us women never have to spend money on you, make you feel special, do something so degrading or submissive or make such a big even all about you.
These traditional aspects of relationships are/were in place because it's more about the respect for a woman, not disrespect. If a woman is to be treasured and valued by a suitor, then he needs to be respectful of her family, and he also needs to know that she is protected. There are a lot of cultures that still adhere to this and it is all about protecting the women in their families and honoring them. This protects the woman from any men out there just wanting someone to sleep with. Look at most women who become prostitutes - most of them either don't have families, or their families have kicked them out, abused them, or something along those lines. And look how they end up. See the difference?
I have a friend who met a guy on an internet dating site. He seems like a great guy. He has already asked her if she thought it would be strange if he asked her parents for permission to marry her. I thought this showed so much respect for her even though she's in her 30's. In the beginning, her parents were concerned about his character, etc. When my friend told her bf about her parents' concerns, he immediately arranaged a meeting with them alone so that they could ask him anything they wanted to. This went a long way in making him look like a respectful guy. My friend was upset with her parents but I told her that it was good that her bf know that she is protected by her family. When I was married to an angry guy once, he got really pissed off about something trivial during a family event. A family member of mine told me later that he was just waiting for my h to do something stupid because he was ready to beat the crap out of him.
This may sound funny but when a woman has a man in her life who doesn't have good character, her family can protect her - and hopefully protect her before he gets into her life. Women should never underestimate the huge benefits of being protected by family, or by the traditions that keep them shielded from harm.
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), but I'm fairly certain they'll be caught off guard and really surprised if he does it. It should be interesting. 
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