Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
It's a double standard that's what I was alluding to. Dont get on me for pointing things out. it is what it is.
The double standard does exist, and always will if we perpetuate it. In order to change that double standard, we have to start changing our perspectives and how we discuss a woman's sexual activity, even if that change happens one person at a time. And we have to be careful not to promote the double standard with the way we speak of women who are sexually active.
The double standard does exist, and always will if we perpetuate it. In order to change that double standard, we have to start changing our perspectives and how we discuss a woman's sexual activity, even if that change happens one person at a time. And we have to be careful not to promote the double standard with the way we speak of women who are sexually active.
yes your right... We both are, sadly. I just want the OP to find out why she lied. And why is he so adamant on her being a virgin???
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You see I'm not a monster...I'm just ahead of the curve!!!
You've taken the word of your gf's friend over your gf.
What's that all about?
Girls are nasty and vindictive- sometimes for no reason at all- and they like it. If you're a straight man, that is just a reality you just have to get used to. Chicks operate on a totally different level than men do- don't ever think that you can wrap your head around the female psyche and qualify why they do things. They can be evil, so never discount that.
Having said that- what's going on here that is clearly wrong- is that you have a "secret" between you and your gf's best friend. **** that!!! You go to your gf right now and talk to her about this.
Talk to your gf and find out the truth first before you condemn her on someone else's word.
She may have lied- that's something you have to face- but find out first...then come back and we'll talk about it further.
Not all chicks are evil, just like not all guys only think with their dicks.
Beyond that, I would agree that there should be a discussion between the two of them, in an honest and open way.
Having said that, the lying isn't acceptable and is a major concern. What else has she lied to you about, in order to position herself in a way that's attractive to you?
It's not a double standard if the guy holds himself to the same level. If he doesn't bang everything that moves then he just has standards.
"bang everything that moves" - the girl had sex WITH HER BOYFRIEND!
so here's a question to OP - you stated that when you thought that you were each other's first that you had a sort of "special connection" that two people can only have when being each other's first. If it does turn out that your GF was in fact not a virgin and you decide to move on, are you still going to be intent on finding a virgin, even though you, now as a non-virgin, are by your logic incapable of having said "special connection"?
I illustrate this point for a reason. If you were staunchly against premarital sex (which you obviously are not given the fact that you are currently having sex) I would not question your judgement at all, and would tell you that you need to move on unquestionably - as others have pointed out everyone has a right to their values or belief system. But OP's post seems to suggest that his GF somehow has "less to offer" to him because she had sex before she knew him, but yet has had sex with her prior to marrying her. That is not a belief system, but most likely a manifestation of insecurity and/or conditioned behavior, and yes, something that I think calls for some challenging.
I meant in her ways like if she has to lie about her virginity to him than maybe she's ashamed that she has probably done many dudes and didnt want to tell him that information because it might hurt her chances with him, knowing how he is and all that's a possibility why she lied. I told the op myself that it should'nt matter unless she withheld sexual history that could impede your health.
Now I dont think she's a slut but maybe she knows she had alot and if she told him HE'D might think that too. many men are like that,
oh more than 10 guys whatever, but more than 50 and your only 18 than damn you get around. lol.
It's a double standard that's what I was alluding to. Dont get on me for pointing things out. it is what it is.
So bassically your saying, as long as shes lieing to make someone like her its ok right?
So bassically your saying, as long as shes lieing to make someone like her its ok right?
LOL no... I'm not saying that at all. She probably lied because knowing how this guy is she wanted to look the best for him. I didnt lie and I dont advocate for her to lie. I wished she didnt lie to the op. Wished she would have told him the truth from jump street instead of covering up what she did.
Dont blame me I didnt do anything wrong...lol.
I mean if I was in the situation and I was him I'd try to understand and not hold it against her. Knowing how the real world is out there, I wouldnt have expected my girlfriend to be a virgin. But I definitely would want to know why she couldnt tell me the truth? That's all I would want. Not every guy out there is gonna be like that.
Whoa, I didn't expect this thread to explode like this. I checked it a few days after I first posted and it seemed like it died so I forgot about it, sorry.
Anyway, I guess I owe you some more information.
I haven't brought it up to my girlfriend yet. Half of me wants to, and the other half doesn't. I feel if we discuss it and she explains why she lied, what happened, etc... I can finally achieve some closure and put this all in the past.
Before you all get on my case, I know she doesn't NEED to explain... but I feel like she should because of all the things she's told me. About how sex was so special to her... about how nervous she was to do it with me... how much she loves me and never really cared for her previous boyfriend. And she acted completely clueless/inexperienced when we first did it. It just doesn't add up.
I talked to her friend again. She asked my girlfriend if she had told me about her previous boyfriend. She said that my girlfriend told her that she felt guilty about lying to me, but didn't want to hurt me so she would never tell me the truth. Apparently, she "barely" had sex with her other boyfriend. Finally, my girlfriend said that she would never speak to her friend again if she told me.
So obviously as much as I want to just get everything in the open, I don't want to ruin a friendship between her friend and her as well as her friend and I. So I'm just trying to let it go...
But one more thing. Call me old-fashioned, whatever... but I see sex as an awesome, beautiful thing that should be shared between two people in love. And my girlfriend agreed with me. That's why this hurts so much. I wish some posters on here would just be a little more understanding. I'm not trying to be chauvinistic. I just love her so much, the thought of her sleeping with another man absolutely crushes me. Please try to see this situation from my perspective before criticizing me?
Whoa, I didn't expect this thread to explode like this. I checked it a few days after I first posted and it seemed like it died so I forgot about it, sorry.
Anyway, I guess I owe you some more information.
I haven't brought it up to my girlfriend yet. Half of me wants to, and the other half doesn't. I feel if we discuss it and she explains why she lied, what happened, etc... I can finally achieve some closure and put this all in the past.
Before you all get on my case, I know she doesn't NEED to explain... but I feel like she should because of all the things she's told me. About how sex was so special to her... about how nervous she was to do it with me... how much she loves me and never really cared for her previous boyfriend. And she acted completely clueless/inexperienced when we first did it. It just doesn't add up.
I talked to her friend again. She asked my girlfriend if she had told me about her previous boyfriend. She said that my girlfriend told her that she felt guilty about lying to me, but didn't want to hurt me so she would never tell me the truth. Apparently, she "barely" had sex with her other boyfriend. Finally, my girlfriend said that she would never speak to her friend again if she told me.
So obviously as much as I want to just get everything in the open, I don't want to ruin a friendship between her friend and her as well as her friend and I. So I'm just trying to let it go...
But one more thing. Call me old-fashioned, whatever... but I see sex as an awesome, beautiful thing that should be shared between two people in love. And my girlfriend agreed with me. That's why this hurts so much. I wish some posters on here would just be a little more understanding. I'm not trying to be chauvinistic. I just love her so much, the thought of her sleeping with another man absolutely crushes me. Please try to see this situation from my perspective before criticizing me?
I've never met a woman that hasn't lied to me on some level. It's a part of liek your just going to need to accept.
Besides, there is like a 95% chance your not going to be the last guy she sleeps with either.
My vote says you just forget about, and enjoy the relationship while it lasts.
Whoa, I didn't expect this thread to explode like this. I checked it a few days after I first posted and it seemed like it died so I forgot about it, sorry.
Anyway, I guess I owe you some more information.
I haven't brought it up to my girlfriend yet. Half of me wants to, and the other half doesn't. I feel if we discuss it and she explains why she lied, what happened, etc... I can finally achieve some closure and put this all in the past.
Before you all get on my case, I know she doesn't NEED to explain... but I feel like she should because of all the things she's told me. About how sex was so special to her... about how nervous she was to do it with me... how much she loves me and never really cared for her previous boyfriend. And she acted completely clueless/inexperienced when we first did it. It just doesn't add up.
I talked to her friend again. She asked my girlfriend if she had told me about her previous boyfriend. She said that my girlfriend told her that she felt guilty about lying to me, but didn't want to hurt me so she would never tell me the truth. Apparently, she "barely" had sex with her other boyfriend. Finally, my girlfriend said that she would never speak to her friend again if she told me.
So obviously as much as I want to just get everything in the open, I don't want to ruin a friendship between her friend and her as well as her friend and I. So I'm just trying to let it go...
But one more thing. Call me old-fashioned, whatever... but I see sex as an awesome, beautiful thing that should be shared between two people in love. And my girlfriend agreed with me. That's why this hurts so much. I wish some posters on here would just be a little more understanding. I'm not trying to be chauvinistic. I just love her so much, the thought of her sleeping with another man absolutely crushes me. Please try to see this situation from my perspective before criticizing me?
I guess I have more of an issue with the "friend" breaking your gf's trust. I can see your point of view and I can see hers. But I do not understand for the life of me why your gf's friend would break her trust. If it were me, and I had issue with your gf lying to you, I'd tell her to talk to you but I'd never tell you myself.
I think you have more rights than the friend does, so I would still advise talking to your gf. I would also advice both you AND your gf to keep your mouths shut around this friend. Clearly she cannot be trusted. I also think she must have a thing for you, or else she would not betray her friend's confidence.
I guess I have more of an issue with the "friend" breaking your gf's trust. I can see your point of view and I can see hers. But I do not understand for the life of me why your gf's friend would break her trust. If it were me, and I had issue with your gf lying to you, I'd tell her to talk to you but I'd never tell you myself.
I think you have more rights than the friend does, so I would still advise talking to your gf. I would also advice both you AND your gf to keep your mouths shut around this friend. Clearly she cannot be trusted. I also think she must have a thing for you, or else she would not betray her friend's confidence.
What is that supposed to be? Hoes before Bros?
I've known plenty of 18 yo girls in my time... and very few keep secrets well.
I've known plenty of 18 yo girls in my time... and very few keep secrets well.
I don't call it anything other than loyalty, and I wouldn't want a friend who would tattle on me. It also makes me think the friend wants to be more than friends with the OP. If that is the case, he will have bigger issues to worry about in his R even if he can get past his attitude about her not being a virgin.
I don't call it anything other than loyalty, and I wouldn't want a friend who would tattle on me. It also makes me think the friend wants to be more than friends with the OP. If that is the case, he will have bigger issues to worry about in his R even if he can get past his attitude about her not being a virgin.
I'm not totally sure how the topic originally came up in conversation.
I would guess that either the friend did not know about the lie and assumed he knew, OR she was drunk and keeping the liars secret has been eating away at her.
From the story I would assume the former is more the case, especially since the request for him to not say anything came AFTER it was clear he was upset.
So, in my opinion, the friend really doesn't factor into it
This is all about a poor schmuck whos GF is feeding him lies.
He is probably the 3rd or 4th guy she has been with.
I'm not totally sure how the topic originally came up in conversation.
I would guess that either the friend did not know about the lie and assumed he knew, OR she was drunk and keeping the liars secret has been eating away at her.
From the story I would assume the former is more the case, especially since the request for him to not say anything came AFTER it was clear he was upset.
So, in my opinion, the friend really doesn't factor into it
This is all about a poor schmuck whos GF is feeding him lies.
He is probably the 3rd or 4th guy she has been with.
It was the latter of your two options -- she was drunk. But I suspect what I originally stated -- that it is because she is actually after the bf -- which is why she told.
Additionally, she has only been with one other guy, supposedly, the bf before the OP.
Lastly, everything he believes right now is HEARSAY from this friend. If she really is trying to break them up, like I suspect, she could be fabricating all of it and he will never know unless he communicates with his gf, which is the adult thing to do.
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