Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
and to think that some other ******* took what was supposed to be mine is heartbreaking to me... sorry.
When you do talk to her about this, don't say stuff like this, k? Because you don't own her, she doesn't owe you her virginity, and being her first sexual partner is not your due. Being her first sexual partner was not "supposed to be" your role.
Also, some other ******* didn't take anything from her. If she did choose to have sex with her ex while they were in a relationship, all she did was choose to have sex with him. He didn't take it from her, and her virginity wasn't supposed to be his, yours, or anyone's but her own.
Virginity is a lack of sexual experience - that's all. What you experience with your girlfriend in sexual and emotional intimacy is completely different than what she may have experienced with anyone else, and what you may experience with someone in the future. It's always different, every time. People bring out different things in each other, it always feels different.
If you both feel connected to each other, that hasn't changed just because she may have had some sex with someone else before she met you. Your connection with her, and hers with you, is unique and it's real and it's not dependent on whether you were her first lover or not.
The guy I first had sex with was a bf I ended up dating for maybe 9 months total. We were infatuated and maybe thought we were in love, but who knows. We just liked each other and I was ready to try it for the first time. It was ok. It got better as we went along. But nothing particularly special. My next bf, I was with for 6 years, and that relationship and that sexual experience is what I remember because that was really meaningful and that's when I really was able to explore sex fully. It was also when I learned about emotional intimacy and how much that impacts sexual intimacy.
Just because you may not have been her first, doesn't necessarily mean nearly as much to her as it seems to mean to you. Women care about the man who makes her feel like a woman, not the first guy she experimented with.
All you people's post are find and dandy blah blah. However if he does...... IF HE DOES FIND OUT SHE LIED......He has 100% reason to be mad or upset, everyone has diffrent things that there willing to put up with in a relationship, maybe lieing is just not one of his.
Like I say most of you are being hypocritical, and have to see it as what if that happened to me? What if that happened to YOUR younger sister or YOUR younger brother, you'd guys would be acting like a volcanoe.
Doesn't matter rather it's a man's virginity or a women's virginity, someone lied in this situation, maybe he would have not gotten that involved with her if she told the truth and said she was not a virgin....maybe he's a very religious guy....
This case is not different from someone that lies about loving someone just to get them in the bed to take there virginity "as many guys do".
Either way he has 100% fact and reason to be mad, we can only wait until the results comeback rather she admitted it or not.
All you people's post are find and dandy blah blah. However if he does...... IF HE DOES FIND OUT SHE LIED......He has 100% reason to be mad or upset, everyone has diffrent things that there willing to put up with in a relationship, maybe lieing is just not one of his.
Like I say most of you are being hypocritical, and have to see it as what if that happened to me? What if that happened to YOUR younger sister or YOUR younger brother, you'd guys would be acting like a volcanoe.
Doesn't matter rather it's a man's virginity or a women's virginity, someone lied in this situation, maybe he would have not gotten that involved with her if she told the truth and said she was not a virgin....maybe he's a very religious guy....
This case is not different from someone that lies about loving someone just to get them in the bed to take there virginity "as many guys do".
Either way he has 100% fact and reason to be mad, we can only wait until the results comeback rather she admitted it or not.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Many guys do not lie to get girls in bed...
You have to ask yourself is it the men who lie or the women who know the truth and yet they believe the lies anyways.
Chew on that.
Also the girl lied about her virginity! HER VIRGINITY, out of all the miniscule things for him to get upset about. Yes she lied but in this scenario it's nothing to get mad over, whether he's religious or not. As I said not every women out here is gonna be pure as the driven snow. He needs to accept that.
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You see I'm not a monster...I'm just ahead of the curve!!!
If he's pissed about her lying and that's a deal-breaker for him, he's entitled to feel that way. I don't think anyone is saying he shouldn't be angry about that, if it's true that she lied. People are saying he should take the time to find out if she did lie before getting angry about that, instead of just taking someone else's word for it.
However, if that's a minor secondary issue compared to his jealousy that she had sex with someone else...if he doesn't care about the lying but cannot handle that he wasn't her first...that's a different issue altogether. That could be a deal-breaker for him as well, but that's something he should give a lot of thought to before he discards a relationship that seems very meaningful to them both.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Many guys do not lie to get girls in bed...
You have to ask yourself is it the men who lie or the women who know the truth and yet they believe the lies anyways.
Chew on that.
Also the girl lied about her virginity! HER VIRGINITY, out of all the miniscule things for him to get upset about. Yes she lied but in this scenario it's nothing to get mad over, whether he's religious or not. As I said not every women out here is gonna be pure as the driven snow. He needs to accept that.
Ummmm NO, you chew on that.
Simple fact is you can't force anyone to feel a certain way, he has a right to be mad about whatever he wants! Lately he hasn't been posting so we don't know what's going on rather it was a lie or the truth.
Just because you don't take some stuff serious, doesn't mean he can't.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Many guys do not lie to get girls in bed...
You have to ask yourself is it the men who lie or the women who know the truth and yet they believe the lies anyways.
Chew on that.
Also the girl lied about her virginity! HER VIRGINITY, out of all the miniscule things for him to get upset about. Yes she lied but in this scenario it's nothing to get mad over, whether he's religious or not. As I said not every women out here is gonna be pure as the driven snow. He needs to accept that.
Also he does need to know that not every women is a virgin, and that in these days it's rare to find a women that's a virgin, so he doesn't need to set that expectation.
Either way a lie is a lie, doesn't matter how small it is.
Also the girl lied about her virginity! HER VIRGINITY, out of all the miniscule things for him to get upset about. Yes she lied but in this scenario it's nothing to get mad over, whether he's religious or not. As I said not every women out here is gonna be pure as the driven snow. He needs to accept that.
This is retarded. You think it's minuscule, he doesn't. To dismiss it as minuscule is a reflection of your own beliefs not his. He has the right to be angry about whatever he wants when it impacts his relationships.
If he's pissed about her lying and that's a deal-breaker for him, he's entitled to feel that way. I don't think anyone is saying he shouldn't be angry about that, if it's true that she lied. People are saying he should take the time to find out if she did lie before getting angry about that, instead of just taking someone else's word for it.
However, if that's a minor secondary issue compared to his jealousy that she had sex with someone else...if he doesn't care about the lying but cannot handle that he wasn't her first...that's a different issue altogether. That could be a deal-breaker for him as well, but that's something he should give a lot of thought to before he discards a relationship that seems very meaningful to them both.
NJ has it dead on.
The lying needs to be dealt with between the two of them in an honest conversation.
I'm quite sure he isn't with her only because he thought she was a virgin so I would also caution the OP to really think and evaluate what he has in this relationship.
Virginity is gone once. They have had sex multiple times and she wasn't a virgin as far as he knew every single time except the first time.
There is obviously caring on both sides.
So OP, really figure out if this is really a deal breaker. You don't want to be the guy that breaks it off and then thinks back on this with regret because the older you get the harder it will be to find a virgin - and then one that is compatible in all of the other ways will be like searching for a real unicorn. Pointless and utterly futile.
I will say it one last time for the immature in this group: unless he FINDS OUT FOR SURE that she lied, he has no reason to be mad.
For all he knows, the female friend lied because she isn't really a good friend, because she wants the OP for herself, or because she's just a vindictive b*tch. Any of those or other scenarios are entirely possible.
1. You must trust your partner's word over most other people, unless you have been given reason to believe they are not trustworthy. And that means you actually catch them in a lie -- not just because someone said that someone said that they saw your SO doing this... no stupid high school, juvenile rumor crap.
2. If you do not trust your partner, then why are you climbing in bed with them anyway, virgin or otherwise?
3. If you do not have the open communication with your partner to ASK if there's something you heard that's bothering you, then your R sucks.
4. If you do not get the three things I posted above, you are probably too immature and irrational to have a LTR.
Chrome just because you think something is minor doesn't mean he does and he has a right to feel certain ways. Another thing, I highly doubt she lied to make him feel better. It is more likely that she lied to make herself look better.
Chrome just because you think something is minor doesn't mean he does and he has a right to feel certain ways. Another thing, I highly doubt she lied to make him feel better. It is more likely that she lied to make herself look better.
Oh yeah there's no doubt in my mind, she lied to make herself look better. she might have been ashamed at her ways before she met him, that's probably a reason why she lied.
And im not fully discounting the OP's pain about her lying. I'm just saying to look at the bigger picture. in the grand scheme of things lying about your virginity is something truly minor because in reality isnt it true that women do lie about how many men they slept with? Or how old they are and how much they weigh?
I mean c'mon allow her a little leeway. If she lied about her sexual past fine, but I think the more important thing for him to find out is why. that's all...
I myself couldnt really care unless she was witholding information from me that was detrimental to my health... That's probably more important to me.
Oh yeah there's no doubt in my mind, she lied to make herself look better. she might have been ashamed at her ways before she met him, that's probably a reason why she lied.
Eh, I dunno...one thing we don't know is the manner in which he brought it up. If he pulled that "I hope no one has taken what is mine" line when bringing it up then, in all honesty, I don't blame her for lying - and that is not indicative of her "being ashamed" of anything, it's probably a knee-jerk reaction to avoid a scenario in which she knows that she will be judged for something that is essentially of no relevance to their situation. I mean, if she loves the guy and knows that he will forever view her differently because of something that is over and done with...justified? no. understandable? sure.
So we need to figure out what is really concerning OP here - is it:
A) the fact that she lied
B) the fact that she's not a virgin
If it's A - of course I agree that lying is not permissable in a relationship, nor is it a good sign that she will do it in the early stages like this. However, keep in mind that what we have here is an 18-year old girl that's probably in love for the first time and is scared of losing that based on something that she most likely feels is completely and utterly unimportant. Is it still a lie? sure - but I would differentiate between it and lying about things in the present. Plus, I think that if she is really his soulmate that he should at least give her the opportunity to explain herself.
However, if the problem is B - then there's really no need to discuss further with her. OP needs to make the determination himself. I agree with most posters that the friend is probably telling the truth - if for no other reason than most 16-year olds in relationships have sex - but in all honesty I think he needs to decide if it is an absolute dealbreaker before he goes and plays detective. If it is, then it is - the posters that have said that he has a right to feel that this is a big deal are absolutely correct - however, keep in mind that love is a LOT rarer than sex and that as you get older the number of virgins will continue to decrease while the number of potential "soulmates" probably isn't going to change. Are you willing to sacrifice this? do you really feel that whatever you have with this girl will be altered by whether or not what her friend told you is true?
A) the fact that she lied
B) the fact that she's not a virgin
Objection, counselor. Hearsay. These facts are not in evidence.
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Oh yeah there's no doubt in my mind, she lied to make herself look better. she might have been ashamed at her ways before she met him, that's probably a reason why she lied.
Her ways? IF she had sex with her previous bf, that is not at all something she should be ashamed of. Why do you classify that as "her ways", implying she was the class slut? That's precisely why women might want to keep ANY information about their sexual history to themselves - clearly, even 1 bf by the age of 18 is automatic grounds for sluthood and "her ways".
Last edited by norajane; 1st October 2009 at 2:48 PM..
Her ways? IF she had sex with her previous bf, that is not at all something she should be ashamed of. Why do you classify that as "her ways", implying she was the class slut? That's precisely why women might want to keep ANY information about their sexual history to themselves - clearly, even 1 bf by the age of 18 is automatic grounds for sluthood and "her ways".
Objection, counselor. Hearsay. These facts are not in evidence.
Her ways? IF she had sex with her previous bf, that is not at all something she should be ashamed of. Why do you classify that as "her ways", implying she was the class slut? That's precisely why women might want to keep ANY information about their sexual history to themselves - clearly, even 1 bf by the age of 18 is automatic grounds for sluthood and "her ways".
I meant in her ways like if she has to lie about her virginity to him than maybe she's ashamed that she has probably done many dudes and didnt want to tell him that information because it might hurt her chances with him, knowing how he is and all that's a possibility why she lied. I told the op myself that it should'nt matter unless she withheld sexual history that could impede your health.
Now I dont think she's a slut but maybe she knows she had alot and if she told him HE'D might think that too. many men are like that,
oh more than 10 guys whatever, but more than 50 and your only 18 than damn you get around. lol.
It's a double standard that's what I was alluding to. Dont get on me for pointing things out. it is what it is.
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