[writergal]

I posted this in the dating thread and then it disappeared just now. So I wanted to repost my question.

I recently was reconnected with an ex-bf of 12 years ago (we dated for 3 months) on match.com when he contacted me.

12 years ago we dated briefly before I had to leave the country to teach abroad. He broke up with me then b/c he didn't want to wait for me, and I never heard from him again.

So when he asked me out, via match.com, I said yes b/c I was curious to see what he'd been up to and find some closure (if i could) about why he didn't want to wait for me when I went abroad to teach for one year.

We had a great first date -- art festival, dinner and drinks, then walk in the park. At the end of the date, when we were sitting in the park, he dropped the bombshell on me that he sufferes from Bipolar Disorder and has been on Lithium, Seroquil, and Ativan for the past 20 years. He didn't tell me 12 years ago when we dated b/c he didn't "want to scare me away" he said.

We're obviously still very attracted to each other now, as we were then. He has a good relationship with his family from what I can remember (I met his parents and brother 12 years ago and they were a very supportive, upper middle class family unit). He never was violent with me when we dated; he never called me names or treated me poorly. He always treated me well, was very gentle with me physically and verbally. The one weird thing he did share with me is that he's kept a journal that he feels is full of more negative venting than anything positive, and he once tried to go off his Lithium for 3 months but had so many manic episodes he had to go back on it. He has been seeing a therapist weekly for nearly 20 years and depression runs in his family.

He's very socially awkward, somewhat socially naive about people, like, he doesn't consider himself macho on the basketball court or soccer field and doesn't like it when the guys he plays sports with, tease each other or get competitive b/c it makes him feel insecure (he said he feels like he gets taken advantage of a lot by people). He also hasn't had many long-term relationships, and he just recently had a career change from being a full-time employed chemist to now high school chemistry teacher. He coaches a high school soccer team for his city (not the highschool where he works), via community sports in summertime, and plays in a rock band. So he does have outlets and seems to function.

I'm just nervous about getting serious with him now that I know about his bipolar disorder. I'm afraid of hurting him emotionally if we were to fight about anything now. We never really fought about anything 12 years ago, either. I don't want to walk on eggshells around him, and I don't want to date him seriously just b/c I'd be afraid of rejecting him and the consequences (like, would he stalk me or do something to harm me even though he seems very gentle on the surface).

We did briefly talk about how to move forward after he told me about his mental illness. I suggested we just take it slow and date casually, and even date other people,to which he agreed. But he's not dating anyone else and he doesn't have as much relationship experience (esp. with physical intimacy) as I do, so I don't want to lead him on or do anything to hurt his feelings.

Is it never a good idea to date someone with a bipolar illness?