What responses are given though are based on past experience and the integrity of persons. Only two things have stopped me from being friends withe the opposing gender- Age and mentality. Think about it.
I think men and women can be friends if there are boundaries. If both people know the score. Now I also believe if one friend is gay and the other person is straight then I think they can be friends because there is NO SEXUAL TENSION.
I have to say the ladder theory makes sense. Basicly the short answer is no. Guys will always develop a need for a realtionship with a girl they get too close with, and this is not just sexual. And as the ladder says the only reason that you wouldn't want to have sex with attractive friends/think you lose physical pull towards them is becuase they become lower down on the ladder, either you are with someone higher on the ladder, or there are lots of girls above your friend on the ladder. I mean guys saying that they have attractive friends who they dont want to sleep with or have a romatic realtionship with, what if you were the last people alive on the earth and expected to re-populate, I'm sure you'd have no trouble, becuase that situation puts only one person on the ladder! But i think the longer answer would be yes guys can be freinds on several different conditions: The guy isn't attracted to you, he has a GF higher on the ladder, or the most common one i think is that there are girls the guy knows who are higher and therefore your to low to be considered for now.
Apart from the syncasism of the pi chart and the emphasis on sex rather than realtionships i think the ladder theory seems worryingly sound.
Interesting theory. I would have to say no on men and women being friends..and my answer is based on my experiences..
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The cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.-Oscar Wilde
I have found that it works best when the sex part gets out of the way; until then, it hangs precariously over the relationship. My best female friends are those where we've "done it" and move back on to the friendship part - and it's an extremely strong friendship thereafter whether sex comes back into play or not. If the sexual tension remains unresolved, the romantic feelings get in the way of the friendship until something happens. Today I got "friend-zoned" and now I have to deal with the heartbreak part...and I wonder whether the friendship will stay...us guys seem to have a primal urge that, left unresolved, contaminates the relationship. This will be my first close female friendship that didn't get to the sex part...I hope we can remain close lifelong friends, because she is one special lady. The friend-zone seems to be acceptable if we have conquered the sex part and then can move on.
There is one reason why a guy can be friends with a hot girl without wanting to go further. As her friend, if she feels she can trust you and be honest with you, you are likely to discover things about her personality, choices she has made etc that she would never tell a prospective partner.
This has certainly happened to me and as a result, in some cases it has not only killed any fleeting desire I may have for them sexually but it has also killed any desire to maintain the friendship.
I have several good looking female friends that if it was just about their looks and they were single, I would have jumped them and I have certainly been offered the opportunity. However, for me, if I discover something that I do not like, especially if it is the way they treat a boyfriend/husband, their kids etc. not only do I let them know that I think it stinks, I also understand that I may have been in the same boat had we stepped over that line.
So as a lesson for the women, if you ever think you may want to turn a friend into a boyfriend, be careful what you tell him. It may just come back to sink your plans.
Neither are attracted to each other (sorry ladies but that means you're gonna have to be 300lbs+ or have some serious physical issues going on otherwise you will start to grow on the man)
You've been friends since you were kids (pre-teen to be safe)
The man is fully gay (sorry but if the woman is fully gay the man will still fantasize about you hooking up with your girlfriends and will eventually want to join
...that's pretty much the only situations I can think of where men and women can be CLOSE friends.
I have known a woman 9yrs purely as a freind, there was a time we both fancied each other
You are not platonic friends if you are attracted to each other.
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One thing to expect, though, is that you'll find that some get a crush on you.
Duh... This means you are not platonic friends
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But ironically, my best best male friends are guys that I once had sex with.. and now.. I'm sooo over them sexually.. and I think they are too..
Yeah right, it already happened at least once. I can pretty much guarantee they are picturing it whenever they see you.
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the mass majority of my freinds are women. i always wind up in this thing called the freindzone when i am seeking other things.
Not platonic if you seeking other things
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I'm curious because one of my guy friends who was most adamant about the non-possibility kind of bummed me out. Now I am all paranoid.
Your "friend" is admitting that he is not your friend.
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Neither are attracted to each other (sorry ladies but that means you're gonna have to be 300lbs+ or have some serious physical issues going on otherwise you will start to grow on the man)
This is right on the money. If you throw two single people together, mix in some drinks, and freely offered sex from the female then platonic friendship is not gonna be the result unless the woman is ugly... and even then she will probably have some attraction to him. Women always seem to think otherwise but they just don't get it. Any man who says otherwise is in denial.
Well its a very complex question, yes a guy and a girl can be just friends without any romantic interest but never the same way as a guy-guy or girl-girl friendship if you know what I mean. Also the odds are extremely high that in most cases at least one person in the friendship will have romantic motives or thoughts BUT it is still possible. It's like saying is it possible to win the lotto? LOL
I have never been friends with a male that didn't result in one, or both, of us having romantic thoughts about the other. I have two male friends now that are strictly platonic: One is gay, and the other had feelings for me a few years ago and does not live in my state anymore.
So... I'd say no, based on my experience, my mother's experience, and nearly all of my girl friend's experiences.
Tori, sorry to hear or read that maintaining a freindship with the opposing gender is not feasible. WOnder if it has anything to do with pre-conceived opinions of guys in general. Sad that you are missing out on such friendships. I have some that are endearing friends. They are brotherly. And yes its feasible. You can love a friend and not have it lead to the bedroom. Learn to set the boundaries and regard them.
Tori, sorry to hear or read that maintaining a freindship with the opposing gender is not feasible. WOnder if it has anything to do with pre-conceived opinions of guys in general. Sad that you are missing out on such friendships. I have some that are endearing friends. They are brotherly. And yes its feasible. You can love a friend and not have it lead to the bedroom. Learn to set the boundaries and regard them.
I don't think my male friends developing feelings for me has anything to do with "pre-conceived opinions of guys in general." I just think if one person is attracted to another, feelings will develop if you have a true friendship.
If two people can put aside attraction, and focus on each other as people and friends, not potential lovers, then that's great! It just hasn't been my experience to have a friendship with a straight male without feelings, on either part, ever appearing. Nice to hear it is and has been feasible with you, though!
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