[Lyssa]

As some of you all know, I lost my mother almost 2 years ago. I was reading old emails from a few close friends I've connected with on LS regarding my loss and I came across this poem that was sent by one of them.

I would like to share it with those who have lost their parent(s), grandparent(s), sibling(s) or even friend(s) :


She Is Just Away

You cannot say, you must not say
That she is dead. She is just away!
With a cheery smile
and a wave of the hand
She has wandered into
an unknown land
And left us dreaming how very fair
it needs must be, since she lingers there;
So think of her faring on, as dear
In the love of There
as in the love of Here,
Think of her still as the same, and say
She is not dead she is just away.

or

He Is Just Away

You cannot say, you must not say
That he is dead. He is just away!
With a cheery smile
and a wave of the hand
He has wandered into
an unknown land
And left us dreaming how very fair
it needs must be, since he lingers there;
So think of him faring on, as dear
In the love of There
as in the love of Here,
Think of him still as the same, and say
He is not dead he is just away.


Also, for those who would like to share stories on their loss or just rant about how much you miss them - please feel free to do so. I know it helps me a lot by talking about my late mother.

For those who have not experienced it, you can join in by telling us lovely things about your parents, grandparents or siblings. Anything.

[HsMomma]

First off, Lyssa, let me say I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it's something we never really recover from (having lost my Dad the year before my daughter was born). I'm going to share a poem my mother gave to me & asked me to read (she's still alive) when we talked about her eventual death. I hope it brings you some comfort. {{hugs}}

Death is Nothing At All
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I, and you are you,
whatever we were to each other,
that we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity
or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes that we
enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me,
pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort,
Without the ghost of a shadow upon it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and
unbroken continuity.

What is this death but a
negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you,
for an interval,
Somewhere very near,
Just round the corner.

All is well.
~ Henry Scott Holland

[quankanne]

hugs to you both ... sometimes it seems like it gets easier to adjust to their "non-presence," then WHAM! you start missing them all over again.

for me, it was the billy joel song "Lullaby (Goodnight My Angel)" that helped me to see that even though my mom – who I was incredibly close to – is on another plane of existence, she still lives on. Inside me and every one who was touched by her love ...

part of the lyric:
someday we'll both be gone,
but lullabyes go on and one ...
they never die, that's how
you
and I
will be

[butcher's hook]

Oh this thread is bringing tears to my eyes. {{Lyssa}}.

I dread the day when I too will be feeling this deep sense of sorrow for a loved one.

[HsMomma]

Originally Posted by butcher's hook

I dread the day when I too will be feeling this deep sense of sorrow for a loved one.

BH, that's why I shared the poem my mom gave me - though it is incredibly sad when you lose someone you love so much, that poem actually gave me a great deal of solace at a very low point in my life. I find it comforting to realize that even though the physical part of the person is gone, they themselves, just as Quankanne said, live on in our hearts/souls/minds.

[quankanne]

I think there comes a point when you realize that death can never really keep you from the one you loved, simply because that love is meant to stay alive. There are so many things I see in my nieces and nephews that remind me of my mom that it makes my heart glad ...

[butcher's hook]

{{HSMomma}} you too! I didn't realize you lost your mum too.

You too Quankanne? {{Quankanne}} That is very comforting what you said about reaching a point where you know love stays alive.
I really try to see a light in the end of the tunnel and it seems so impossible when dealing with this level of grief. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so close to my folks since I fear it will be that much harder when the times comes.. I know it's silly to think that but..

[HsMomma]

Originally Posted by butcher's hook

{{HSMomma}} you too! I didn't realize you lost your mum too.

You too Quankanne? {{Quankanne}} That is very comforting what you said about reaching a point where you know love stays alive.
I really try to see a light in the end of the tunnel and it seems so impossible when dealing with this level of grief. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so close to my folks since I fear it will be that much harder when the times comes.. I know it's silly to think that but..

Oh no, BH - my mom is still alive & kicking! She'll be 72 in October (looks AND ACTS about my age, though ). She gave that poem to me when my Dad died.

Don't EVER wish you weren't so close to your folks...the memories you make with them are what keeps the love alive forever. Yes, it's painful when they're gone, but I wouldn't trade one single memory of my times with my Dad for even a slight lessening of the pain.

This is why I always tell my family & friends I love them...we WANT that love to go on & on. Be close, revel in the closeness, store up those memories because someday, when they're gone & you're thinking about them/missing them, those same memories will make you smile.

[Soul-Searcher]

I miss my grandfather very much. He was number one in my life. He died 3 weeks before my 16th birthday. His death didn't hit me until I came home from school and I saw his empty seat with his slippers in front of them and his walking stick leaning against the radiator. I knew then that he wasn't coming back.

I have dreamt of him though and every time, he is happy. I remember one dream where I actually ran up and cuddled him. I would do anything to see him again.

[HsMomma]

Originally Posted by Soul-Searcher

I miss my grandfather very much. He was number one in my life. He died 3 weeks before my 16th birthday. His death didn't hit me until I came home from school and I saw his empty seat with his slippers in front of them and his walking stick leaning against the radiator. I knew then that he wasn't coming back.

I have dreamt of him though and every time, he is happy. I remember one dream where I actually ran up and cuddled him. I would do anything to see him again.

Hugs to you Soul-Searcher. It is so hard, I know...I still talk to my Dad & he's been gone almost 16 years now. Yup, I know it may sound crazy to some, but I really do talk to him. I know he's here with me, just as your grandfather is there with you. Dreaming of them is, to me, a wonderful thing. I love seeing my Dad when I'm sleeping - it gives me peace, feeling like he's watching over me.

[whimsical_memory]

I too have lost my mother (she passed away after hitting her head on the hospital floor), but I was not close to her, due to some very personal reasons. As I get older, I find myself wondering what it would have been like had we been close but I try to keep myself from thinking about it too much simply because there is nothing I can do about the situation now.

Last year, our family suffered a tremendous loss when my best friend, her fiancee and her nine-year-old son were hit by a car. The son and my friend's fiancee were both killed. My daughter and her son were extremely close, called themselves brother and sister. We went on family vacations together and if you saw one child, you saw the other. We are still struggling to understand how this could happen and why justice is taking so long to be served.

[quankanne]

ahhhh ... the only one who knows about this is my husband: I've kept an old answering machine tape with Mama's voice on it for when it gets really, really bad. Have come close to playing it, but just knowing it's there helps tremendously.

it seems so impossible when dealing with this level of grief.
they say that everyone goes through their period of grieving at his/her own rate ... so it's something you've got to muddle through. But I promise you, there is an end to the heavy-duty part! Focus on those tangible things you have of that person – their kind words, their acts, etc – and know that you will carry those with you for the rest of your life.

I wish I knew where I saw it, but there's a saying that goes something like "you don't lose the one you love until the very last person who remembers and loves him/her is gone." And I think it's true – there are so many people who tell me their lives have been touched by my parents (both are gone), so when they share their stories, Mom and Dad come alive in a beautiful way. With my dad, mostly the grumpy old man routine, which makes me laugh to no end

as crazy as it sounds, your grief will serve you and carry you through this episode to a point where you can adjust to the change, and see that while it may hurt because you miss them, they're only a though or smile away.

[GorillaTheater]

Originally Posted by Soul-Searcher

I miss my grandfather very much. He was number one in my life. He died 3 weeks before my 16th birthday. His death didn't hit me until I came home from school and I saw his empty seat with his slippers in front of them and his walking stick leaning against the radiator. I knew then that he wasn't coming back.

I have dreamt of him though and every time, he is happy. I remember one dream where I actually ran up and cuddled him. I would do anything to see him again.

This just about killed me. No boo-hooing at work though; it'll attract concerned looks. And security.

My parents were uncommonly distant, but grandpa was the one person who was always happy to see me and to spend time with me. And was actually proud of me. For a screwed up kid, that meant an awful lot. I lost him when I was 21.

[TaraMaiden]

Forgive me if I wander off into a different corner of the room, but this is where what I follow is so comforting. Because dying is the most important aspect of living.
Living well is hard enough. Dying well, is a real challenge.
I don't mean dying well in the sense of health, or process.
I mean 'dying well' in the sense that a legacy of love, affection and good memories are left, by those who have 'slipped away into the next room'.
When a person dies well, they never die at all, you know.....

According to what I practice, dying is simply an ongoing process. this phase comes to a close - but a new one begins..... as Voltaire once famously said,
"It should be no more surprising to be born twice, than it was to be born once".
This said - who knows?
there are no certainties, no guarantees, no answers.
But we who remain have a duty to perpetuate and to continue to cherish the ones who have died.....
The most honourable thing we can do for the ones we love, who died well for us, is to live well, for them.

[butcher's hook]

Originally Posted by quankanne

ahhhh ... the only one who knows about this is my husband: I've kept an old answering machine tape with Mama's voice on it for when it gets really, really bad. Have come close to playing it, but just knowing it's there helps tremendously.

My parents will call me and leave me sweet messages just to see how I am doing, would you believe and is it totally crazy of me that I have kept a few of those messages on purpose thinking that some day I will be happy to have their voices when I no longer can speak to them? Is that morbid or weird of me? I don't know why I think like that but I do?

Even a few months ago we were messing around with my neice at my folk's house and I was video taping them all, thinking I want to have videos of them. I mean they are fine, and healthy and there is no reason for me to be doing this other than a fear I have of losing them.

I've never shared this with anyone, sorry if this sounds too weird.

I have very fond memories of my grandpa too, but sad memories of losing him it was like it was yesterday and I was only 10. My grandma too of course but she was 14 yrs later.