Ok, haven't posted in a while, the past week had been agonizing, but progress made. My husband gave me an early birthday present and came home last night. We do think that this was a mild MLC, but luckily, no OW's....which is good since it would have definitely been over.
At any rate, we have made sincere promises to treat each other better. I think we both learned through this experience that we have to work together on this marriage and our love over time will change, but it doesn't mean the passion is dead. We are still going to see a MC together but I would attribute one session with a Divorce Busting Coach, the Save My Marriage e-book and learning more about mid-life crisis to very good resources for both learning how to keep the marriage intact as well as how to get through the bad times together. Going through these threads helped me find those resources and I am so thankful to all those who posted. I'm also going to educate myself more on OCD and how I can help my husband make life a little less overwhelming, thanks to OP3 for his post as well.
Great news Trippi, couldn't be happier for you! Any details/advice you can share with those of us not so lucky? Keep us posted and let us know how things go. wish you both the best!! : bunny:
TOJAZ
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Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -Dr.Sydney Friedman
Now your aware that a marriage needs daily, weekly and monthly maintenance in order to keep it running and healthy.
You know that, but what about the husband?
80% of college graduates haven't read a non-ficitional book cover-to-cover since having graduated.
Only 3% of the American population even posses a library card, let alone use it.
That is to say, (especially men) few will take the time, effort, and energy to read a self-help book about relationships, marriage, etc.
They may buy them ~ but few ever read them.
You are so right on this, you have to read the material and apply it to make it work. My husband is actually better about reading material than I am, which is pretty ironic considering I am almost finished on my first MBA and he has a GED.
Another irony, self-help books can also attribute to the demise of a relationship that has little problems. It really depends on the person and how they apply the knowledge. I've seen women in happy marriages ruin them due to reading a self-help book and think that something was missing.
The things is, apply self-help to yourself....if it's positive, the relationship will benefit from it and grow.
That's good news Trippi, guess that expensive divorce busting coach was worth every penny after all hey?!
Let us know how you get on. All the best.
Hi Lisa,
Thanks, DB was expensive...I could only do the one session, but she did good to open me up to effectively communicate with my husband. Instead of defending myself when I had to see him that day I talked to her, I listened to him....really listened to what he was feeling. I admit, it was hard to hear some of the things he was saying and I had to wrestle with myself if either of us should be back in this relationship. But it opened the door. He even told me a few days later that he was shocked about the change, so different from the few days before.
The thing is, we have to continue working on it and not let things get back to the way they were before AND let go of the past. That has been one of our biggest issues is bringing up everything from the past when one of us gets hurt. Thanks to Save My Marriage Now, I know how to deal with that and know how to deal with my feelings if he goes there to bring the issue back to the current issue and not the past.
Again, I will say, had an OW been involved all bets would have been off. I know I couldn't forgive and forget that one. I was still finding out about my ex-husbands infidelities five years after our marriage ended...sigh. And he was horrible in bed!!
Great news Trippi, couldn't be happier for you! Any details/advice you can share with those of us not so lucky? Keep us posted and let us know how things go. wish you both the best!! : bunny:
TOJAZ
Thanks Tojaz, keep the faith, but more than that....keep living and work on bettering yourself....for YOU, not anyone else. One of the realizations that I have had about all of this is that he and I weren't happy with ourselves, much less each other. We brought up the past hurts way too much, I've learned to wipe the past 15 years clean and get on it.
Good luck to you, but remember moving on isn't the end of the world if that is what is needed. The more you honestly learn about yourself the more you will bring to a future relationship that can make you happy.
Wow, a little over a month and I am back! LOL!! Let me set the record straight, and I will first apologize to the opposite sex....this guy will and and always be a first-hand A-hole!! He came back, spent a week being nice and then slowly fell into his old habits. Alienation of affection, coniving money out me, borrowing money from friends and expecting me to pay it back for him. He really went overboard this time and raped our bank account for $1000 at the first of the month to go gambling....and he claimed that it was his money....supposedly I was fronting him his money from his paycheck that he hadn't earned yet and didnt' bother consulting me about. I had to push bills to his paycheck now, that he claims he is going to give to me...going to have to beat him to the bank to collect it.
I've got my individual bank accounts set up and a transfer of funds ready to go at 6am tomorrow. He moved back in with his drinking buddy on Monday night after I reamed him a new A-hole for screwing our finances over. He started making nice yesterday because he wants me to pay a bill for him tomorrow. I'm playing nice until I get that money back and then I am closing the joint account and cutting off his cell phone. He wants his freedom...he's got it, now let's see him pay for it. As my father keeps reminding me, I married beneath my station so I am taking my so-called superficial and materialistic self to the "screw you, it's all about me" attitude. He claims he is going to pay child support...I know that will be a cold day in Hades before I see anything. In the meantime, I get to pull myself out of financial burden on the joint loans. He is really good at walking away from his financial obligations. I cried a little the first day or so, but hating him is so much easier now. I just want him out, his cheap crap out of my house and him out of my life.
This "buddy" of his almost broke up my brother-in-law's marriage a few years ago. They gave him his walking papers, but I can't lay all the blame on him. It's truly my husband's fault for being so stupid that he alienates his family for partying and getting trashed. I'm just glad that I have a prenup on the house, pension and 401k and a freetrader agreement on the house as well. While my heart may be stupid and gullible, my head is firmly set on making his life a living Hell now. I'm trying to find out if he can demand half of the household goods since he moved out. He wanted me to sell the mower and plugger today. Not sure how the property division is going to work on those items, but if I have to sell off the furniture, tools, appliances...etc, I've got a housefull of goods that I am selling for a mere quarter...of course I have to split that with him which I am more than happy to do. Wondering too, joint accounts should be split as well in addition to child support.
Find a dear, close, guarded friend that you can trust, and sell them for a dollar all the things that you don't want him to get in a divorce case, have them sign a receipt and have them all put it in storage.
He's going to pay child support one way or the the other. In most of the Southern states if you don't pay child support? You lose your driver's, fishing, hunting license (and any other licensed to practice law, nursing, medical, etc.
I married when I was young, dumb and just plain ignorant. (I just didn't know any better at the time).
And I too married below my station in life. But at the time? I was still in the process of becoming who I was to become. (Am becoming?)
I actually thought everyone viewed life as I did?
That everyone sought knowledge for knowledge's sake?
I too believed that when one stopped learning? They started dying.
I've never got gambling?
I like playing poker!
On my computer (Not on-line)
Or 'Penny-poker' ~ but its the same as playing Spades or Gin Rummy.
I work too damn hard for my money!
I might do it for the sake of entertainment?
But that's it! I guess I've taken too many statistics classes?
I would suggest you go hang out at Barnes and Nobles for your next BF.
i want to end my 10 1/2 year-marriage..
it really sucks...
husband is so lazy, sleeps most of the time...
i'm the breadwinner, when in fact he is healthy enough to work hard to provide for us....
what he does?...
his girlfriend and him stays in the house all day, while i'm in the office from 8 to 5.... and my kid is in school, by the way.....
its so unfair, i want to leave him ....
how can i tell him that i want out.....
i find the marriage so hopeless, he's been having girlfriends left and right.....
Actually I ended up in a metallurgical and plastics lab as lab tech/mgr doing ISO and QC work
All those chemistry and calculus classes were such a waste of time, effort and energy.
Most of what I do is done with arithmetic, (adding, dividing, division etc) dealing with decimals and ppm (parts per million)
My X was a damned fool to have divorced me!
Short term decisions with long term consequences!
How did i end up hanging with all the smart people????
Quote:
Originally Posted by wantsFreedom
i want to end my 10 1/2 year-marriage..
it really sucks...
husband is so lazy, sleeps most of the time...
i'm the breadwinner, when in fact he is healthy enough to work hard to provide for us....
what he does?...
his girlfriend and him stays in the house all day, while i'm in the office from 8 to 5.... and my kid is in school, by the way.....
its so unfair, i want to leave him ....
how can i tell him that i want out.....
i find the marriage so hopeless, he's been having girlfriends left and right.....
help me, guys, i want out!.............
Wants Freedom, you'll find more help if you start a thread and tell us your story so people can see it. Sure we all would be happy to help.
TOJAZ
Oh my!! How do we keep coming back around to this d*** calculator!!! AHHHHH!
Yes folks Trippi suffers from Calculaphobia but for mere pennies a day you can help sweet Trippi and others like her, just dial the 1-900- number at the bottom of your screen!
TOJAZ
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
I don't know about smart, stupid is as stupid does to quote a phrase. I do know that I will take my guitar anyday over a TI 85 calculator.
Oh my!! How do we keep coming back around to this d*** calculator!!! AHHHHH! 
Hybrid Mode
