[Auroracoladybug]

I am a thirty year old who has been with my husband since August of 1997. We met because my ex-boyfriend and him were shipmates in the Navy. I went to San Diego to see some friends (who I had met thru my ex too) and we had a one night stand that led to a long distance relationship and him moving to Colorado in 1999 when he got out of the Navy. We have had communication problems all along because of our differences in upbringings but have worked thru a lot. In late 1999 I had an "affair" that after exposing the play by play recently I have realized that I was raped. When I thought that my best friend had told him I had cheated on him I told him I did because of him threatening to move back to his home state (where he had said previously there was nothing there for him) and I said that I was "testing" to see if I really wanted to be with him. I guess that I came up with that excuse because it was easier than facing what really happened. Fast forward to 2003, my ex and I began talking again as friends and he came in to visit. My husband (then fiance) tried to explain to me what he considered cheating and that he did not want me to spend time alone with my ex because he did not trust him...I should have listened...the second day my ex was in town we (the three of us) went to the Ren Fair, I did do some very immature things and my husband felt like a third wheel and quit talking to me...long story short...I got mad at my husband and left with my ex to go to dinner and a movie after the movie we went to look at the stars and talk and he kissed me and he put his hands down my pants and me the same...I broke it off before it went farther because it had already gotten to far (I guess I just wanted him to still be attracted to me and love me). I revealed everything to my husband and we had our fights...he forgave me and 3 years later we got married and had a son a year after that...A friend of mine was losing her house so we agreed to let her family move in...my husband began confiding in her that he was not happy and that he never really forgave me and that he was "pressured" to marry me because it was the expected thing to do. He and I had some big fights and he let his anger get the best of him. He asked for space but I was heart broken and wanted to talk. He admitted to being attracted to my best friend (who by the way is getting a divorce) because "she was flirtatious but knew her boundaries" now he has moved out into a friends basement so he can help pay for the mortgage and bills in our house but he wants to hang out with others and see if there is a person that we communicate with better and while doing this he will try to figure out what he wants... more to come but gotta go...