Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
You'd be wrong. I'm just saying that women often look for the easy way out of a relationship. She picked the no-brainer. I don't think it's right. But it's so obvious that it hardly merits discussion.
Land Shark, what you've posted makes zero sense. She lied and lied and lied. People aren't all one big bag of confusion. No one deserves to be cheated on.
This is cut and dried. She acted inappropriately and lied and lied and lied about it. Now it's up to the OP whether he's going to roll over and let her step all over him or walk away, kissing his rosary beads thank you, for watching out for him.
He never trusted her. She figured out she didn't want to marry him and face a life of questioning and eggshells. She's taking the easy way out. It doesn't change the fact that he never trusted her or that this relationship was never going to last anyway. She was smart to do it before the marriage. However chicken**** as it was.
The tragic thing is that getting over her and moving on to someone else is only going to lead to another disaster. A pattern repeated until this guy learns how to trust a woman.
It's not unthinkable that he could still trust this girl. The fact is that someone who faces persistent questioning will always resort to lying, no matter how trustworthy they are. Because the truth is worthless anyway. So it's possibly she didn't feel she had a choice.
All she did was kiss some wanker stripper. In the midst of a party, that can hardly mean anything at all. It doesn't have to mean anything at all, unless someone wants to make it mean something.
You're making assumptions. His opening post states that he had issues with the bachelorette party and expressed them as such.
If she gave a damn about his feelings, she would have backed off the bach party. As it stands, she didn't and then proceeded to do what he feared, lying and lying and lying afterwards to cover it up.
Is she so completely passive-aggressive, that she would lash out at him in the most hurtful and abusive way possible within a committed relationship? How stupid is that, if that's the case!!!!
No matter which way you spin it, she's not a keeper, whether she's as effed up as lashing back in a passive-aggressive fashion or whether she's just plain not trustworthy.
You're making assumptions. His opening post states that he had issues with the bachelorette party and expressed them as such.
He had issues before the party even happened. He fantasized about what might happen. Then he accused her of being the kind of person who would do them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trialbyfire
If she gave a damn about his feelings, she would have backed off the bach party. As it stands, she didn't and then proceeded to do what he feared, lying and lying and lying afterwards to cover it up.
Maybe you're right. But then why should she have to? To make it so he doesn't have to worry about trusting her? Then he can be upset about her going out with friends another time. Or going to the office where other men work. Or going to the gym. Or the grocery store. Or online. What's ever ok to do when you aren't trusted?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trialbyfire
Is she so completely passive-aggressive, that she would lash out at him in the most hurtful and abusive way possible within a committed relationship? How stupid is that, if that's the case!!!!
It's pretty bad, I agree. I'm not defending her. All I'm saying is that there's a lot more to this. And it's just as bad being with someone who doesn't trust you as it is to be with someone who isn't trustworthy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trialbyfire
No matter which way you spin it, she's not a keeper, whether she's as effed up as lashing back in a passive-aggressive fashion or whether she's just plain not trustworthy.
I'm not saying she's a keeper. But I think people should question whether he is. It's not unthinkable that there are two victims here, being victimized in two different ways. Would you rather be her and spend the rest of your life on eggshells? Or would you rather be him and suffer the quick betrayal?
It's fact patterns like this that make me think Bachelor/ette parties aren't a farewell to one's single life, but a test for whether they should be getting married to begin with.
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To begin with... I have been cheated on in the past by other girlfriends.
My fiancee and I have been together for 4 years. In the month or two leading up to her bachelorette party I spent extended lengths of time explaining to her my fears surrounding her bachelorette party. She spent extended amounts of time trying to explain to me that I had nothing to worry about.
Her party came and went... and what I found out was that she made out with multiple guys. She also did things like licking shots off of chippendale strippers. This has shattered my trust... and hurts like hell.
The worst part is that she didn't tell me when I asked... she told me some details and then told me "nothing else happened". Well she is a bad liar and I know her well. So I pryed... and she lied... and I pryed... and she cried and lied... and I pryed... and she lied and got angry at me and said things like "why don't you trust me"... and I pried and I found out about the make outs and chippendale waiter and that she wandered off in Vegas with the bachelor from a bachelor party that was there. They were gone for an hour... just the two of them. She swears up and down that nothing happened.
I am struggling to believe her. There are times when it does not bother me and there are other times like tonight... that it hurts to lay next to her. Before this event she never gave me a reason to not trust her. The weekend after she returned home from the party we got into a fight... she was screaming and yelling at me... hit the dash of the car so hard with her fist that it bruised. I had also never seen her behave this way.
I had always been planning to have my bachelor party with my boys out in the woods doing guys stuff. No strippers... no sex... nothing but drinking and goofing off. We ended up renting quads and riding the dunes in oregon.
We are supposed to be married in a month... I need advice. Have I lost the woman I loved? Why would she be ok with doing what she did? I just need advice. My mind is struggling to understand... and I am not sure I can.
The being cheated upon by past girlfriends and her bachelorette party does not bode well for you. It is ok to show your insecurities but I think she took advantage of that knowing you won't take a hard stance. She pushed the boundaries and you just let it slide. There are some things that are not forgiven.
My opinion is put the marriage on hold. If she did what she did, you've already lost her.
BTW: for many people it is ok for them to do something "bad" but not ok when it happens to them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Woggle
It's not too late to dodge this bullet. Are you sure you really want to marry this woman?
By the way I wonder if the militant anti-porn and anti-strip club crowd on here will be as quick to condemn as they are any man who does this.
I do agree with potentially dodging this bullet.
Actually, where are they?
I find it funny when people start blaming other people.
" You're insecure!!!!!"
I swear this is the most fad excuse I see going around on this website. Anything that relates to negative emotions says insecurity.
Let me tell you a story. I had a girlfriend who was jealous of some odd things. I was at a friends once and commented on a poster he had. A good looking girl in a dress, no flesh revealing just nice looking and she went in a huff from me making a comment about a poster.
I found it a bit odd. But did I take offence? Did I say "OMG YOU'RE SO INSECURE IM NOW GOING TO CHEAT ON YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO JEALOUS"
No. I found it a bit odd that she would get so jealous from me making a comment at a poster, but I cared enough about my girl, to respect it and not make such a silly mistake again and upset her over nothing.
Anybody who makes the excuse and tries to make it justifiable by cheating is an idiot.
Break up with the person if it bothers you that much, though if you really cared, you'd help console them and put them to ease, not push them the other way for having the maturity and closeness to confess their most feared thoughts happen.
It's sick to even suggest that someone pouring their emotions out to you (which takes a certain bond, you don't just do that with anyone) should even contemplate you going in that direction, thats backwards thinking. A SO revealing her most scared thoughts to me is not going to put me off, it's going to let me know she trusts me enough to be honest with me and I'll do my best to put her at ease.
No. Her actions were not, I repeat, not inexcusible. If she felt that pressured, she should have broken up, and never agreed to marry, NOT ONE THING in this entire world can justify cheating. EVER.
What I'm willing to live with and what the OP is willing to live with, are two different things. For the purposes of this thread, it's moot.
You can take this all the way back to their first meet and greet and find things they both did wrong and pin everything to that. Regardless, the OP has given us a snapshot in time, of a situation he's indecisive about. We're responding as such, based on the information he's given us. Anything beyond that, is pure conjecture on anyone's part, unless the OP wants to come back and explain his entire history.
What I'm willing to live with and what the OP is willing to live with, are two different things. For the purposes of this thread, it's moot.
So speak for yourself. Which is worse?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trialbyfire
You can take this all the way back to their first meet and greet and find things they both did wrong and pin everything to that. Regardless, the OP has given us a snapshot in time, of a situation he's indecisive about. We're responding as such, based on the information he's given us. Anything beyond that, is pure conjecture on anyone's part, unless the OP wants to come back and explain his entire history.
All you have to do is look for the evidence in the first post. When did he start having trust issues? Before they ever got together. Do you think the bachelorette party was the first time that stuff came to light? If the distrust was there at the end, then can you possibly think it wasn't a constant in between?
So you're right: it's a snapshot. But look how quickly everyone leapt to judgment. The betrayal, the still picture described to us, could be the biggest issue they have, or it could be a trivial side note. A couple hours of frivolity versus four years, and maybe even a lifetime, of hard slogging.
I've been in a position where my mate forced me to earn her trust. It was just a bait and switch game we replayed over and over. Because she wasn't capable of giving it no matter what I did. It was manipulation.
People who can't trust are almost by definition manipulative. And that will prove to be a much bigger problem for the original poster than losing a dumbass fiance.
All you have to do is look for the evidence in the first post. When did he start having trust issues? Before they ever got together. Do you think the bachelorette party was the first time that stuff came to light? If the distrust was there at the end, then can you possibly think it wasn't a constant in between?
So you're right: it's a snapshot. But look how quickly everyone leapt to judgment. The betrayal, the still picture described to us, could be the biggest issue they have, or it could be a trivial side note. A couple hours of frivolity versus four years, and maybe even a lifetime, of hard slogging.
I've been in a position where my mate forced me to earn her trust. It was just a bait and switch game we replayed over and over. Because she wasn't capable of giving it no matter what I did. It was manipulation.
People who can't trust are almost by definition manipulative. And that will prove to be a much bigger problem for the original poster than losing a dumbass fiance.
You seem to be more concerned with assigning blame. I don't think thats that important. Those things should be usually dealt with after a relationship with self reflection etc. The real issue is what the OP's decision with regards to what he wants to do with his marriage and the rest of his life. And if I were him I don't think I'd get married.
Dude... this girl is NOT quality. Licking a Chippendale's nipple, no info I would want to know, but that kind of stuff tends to happen at bachelorette parties. MAKEOUTS?!? You are a lucky man... you haven't married her yet. Look in the mirror, tell yourself what you stand for and what you deserve. Then tell her she just lost the greatest thing that ever happened to her, wish her the best and RUN FOR THE HILLS
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