I hate it. I don't find anything arousing about it. I don't think it's tasteful, and yes, you guessed it, I feel insecure. Of course I do. I've never had the strongest self-confidence, not even as a child. And I'm ugly, well, maybe not disgusting but I'm definitely plain. I'm NOT beautiful. And even if I were confident, I'd probably hate it too. And there's no turning around it. I'll never like it.
I dislike this whole emphasis on looks. While people say that looks don't matter, I think they are just being PC. Check this out:
http://womensissues.about.com/b/2009...id-opinion.htm
Plus, it's very obvious with what the media portrays. I understand humans are very visual, but I'm sick of the "sex sells" policy. Just because people are drawn to sexual images and because sex is natural, doesn't mean it's right or cool to shove it in everyones faces 24/7. Especially when it portrays very unrealistic, 'ideal' images and roles. You may say it's just fantasy, but it's still uncomfortable to some of us.
Don't get me wrong, if I could choose, I'd choose to like it and enjoy it, like some women do. But I don't (before you start accusing me of liking romance novels, I don't, nor do I like chick flicks). I never will. I just didn't get that "cool gene" in me.
Sigh... I know I sound like a prude, but I'm not. I always try new things. Unless it's a threesome or something involving other people, I never discard anything until I try it. I've even watched porn with my boyfriend, and I didn't like it.
I feel bad about my average looks and sub par body (I have small breasts). My boyfriend prefers big breasts and is a fan of beauty... well, what man isn't? I know there are some men out there who don't watch porn, but they're the minority. Personally I've never met a guy who doesn't watch it. Even inf men who don't watch it exist, I'd be limiting my choices a lot; what if out of these few guys none of them share my interests, or our personalities aren't compatible, etc? Or maybe they are religious (I'm not usually one to make such strong prejudices, but sometimes that's the case) and I'm not religious, not at all.
I love my boyfriend to death, but he likes porn and watches it often. Not often like an addiction, but often. He's 24, and has been doing this for 10 years already. He's told me if it hurts me he can stop, but honestly I don't think he could, plus wouldn't it be like taking a toy from a kid? I'd feel like a controlling girlfriend, it wouldn't be fair. I've given up things for him, but I don't want to control him. Plus he is so unique and we share so many interests and views about the world (except with this)... it'd be too hard leaving him only because of one thing Ii can't stand. Where will I find a guy who is just as awesome as him and who doesn't like porn? Nowhere!
He has a Psychology major and is a guy, so he obviously sees this from a "we're-wired-this-way-plus-it's-normal-and-healthy" point of view. But I just hate that filth! I hate it so much!
What can I do? Can I force myself to love it? Would it work? What can I do to be ok with it? It just feels impossible, and I feel like I don't fit in today's society
I feel abnormal!
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