[Shindig]

The double standard is pretty normal even though it isn't healthy or fair. I dig porn but I don't think most girls watch as much as I do. I like to think I don't find those girls intimidating because I have a strong sense of self and high self esteem. I tend to denigrate them (as you do) in order to resolve my cognitive dissonance about women who are physically more attractive than I am.

If your boyfriend gets upset when you see another penis I imagine it results from his insecurity. He perceives the images on the screen as a threat to him and his relationship with you. Do you think this is what you're experiencing? Or are you denigrating the women in the films in order to build yourself up like I do?

[sadandugly]

Originally Posted by Shindig

The double standard is pretty normal even though it isn't healthy or fair. I dig porn but I don't think most girls watch as much as I do. I like to think I don't find those girls intimidating because I have a strong sense of self and high self esteem. I tend to denigrate them (as you do) in order to resolve my cognitive dissonance about women who are physically more attractive than I am.

If your boyfriend gets upset when you see another penis I imagine it results from his insecurity. He perceives the images on the screen as a threat to him and his relationship with you. Do you think this is what you're experiencing? Or are you denigrating the women in the films in order to build yourself up like I do?

I denigrate them to feel better about myself, only for the very stupid reason that I hate them for being more beautiful/sexier than me. I feel insecure because of this. I don't see them as a threat, because I know they won't come out of the screen, and also that he won't leave me because of watching them... I denigrate them because I know he sees them and knows they are more attractive and even if he won't leave me for one of them and they are not a threat, I hate to think they are in a place in his head under the label of "sex goddess" (because of physique and prowess) and I'm second place to them (because I'm not as hot and probably lack some prowess). I hope that makes sense. Ergo, I denigrate them because if he could make me look sexier and have better skills, he would, without even thinking it twice, and I resent that.

[sw1911ct]

Originally Posted by sxyNYCcpl

I see two issues going on. First is the insecurity which you have acknowledged. You have labeled yourself as ugly and plain. I have no way of knowing if that is true, but I know that you are not so ugly and plain that you were completely unsuccessful in finding a relationship. So clearly you are not "scare small children" kind of ugly. I suspect you are much harder on yourself than is justified by the reality, unfortunately many, perhaps even most women are, even those who actually are "all that". The insecurity, though, is founded in a fear of loss. Deep down, whether you realize it or not, your reaction to porn is because you are afraid your SO will ultimately leave you because of things he learns from porn.

I am not going to tell you that could never happen, as I have no knowledge of the state of your relationship. However if it is truly strong, porn is not a threat. You see, he already knows there are women with bigger boobs, or better looks, or younger, or whatever it is you perceive about yourself that could cause him to leave. He already knows there are women who are enthusiastic about some sexual practices that you will not participate in. If he is willing to leave your relationship to pursue any of that, he will do so regardless of whether or not he views porn. Likewise, if he is NOT willing to chase any of that in lieu of having you, that won't change either.

Are you with him because of the size of his penis? Would learning that some guys have a bigger one cause you to pursue that? Same deal.

The other issue I see is some deep seeded issues with sexuality itself. Your use of sex-negative language (filth, whores, etc) and strongly negative reaction to the very concept of sex including more than just one M and one F indicate to me that you harbor some very negative feelings to sexuality outside of the vary narrow parameters that you were taught was "acceptable". I'm not suggesting that you are a narrow-minded prude who should just get over yourself and go out there and have some threesomes, but I do think if you were to allow yourself to not be so rigid and negative about anything that's even remotely outside the box, you may find it will help you to realize that your rigid rules are part of the problem. When you can so casually label erotica as filth, somewhere inside you associate sex with filth, and that can't be healthy.

Great points in this post but I have to say that someone who chooses a username like sadandugly is probably leaning way more to one side of this than the other...

[mental_traveller]

There are some choices. You could restrict yourself to guys who don't watch porn at all, or ones who find it distasteful, or (to be more realistic) guys who only watch it occasionally and would be fine with stopping (or if you are fine with them watching a few times a year when you're not around - kinda don't ask, don't tell).

Alternatively, you could hope your boyfriend grows out of it. When I was that age I used to watch lots of porn, kinda out of curiosity as to what was out of there. Nowadays I watch porn occasionally, and never if I am dating someone who lives near me and I can meet often. If I was living with a woman I wouldn't watch it at all. Not out of any principle, but I just prefer the real thing to watching strangers bonk on a screen. So if I can go from watching porn several times a week, to several times a year, so can your bf.

Also you might want to try spicing up your love life with him. IMO lots of porn watching stems from sexual frustration in guys. I know if I am happy sexually in a relationship, I don't have any urge to watch porn unless I'm away from my gf for a few weeks.