My BF is an alcoholic. In January he said he was sober for two weeks straight. I was very proud of him for going to AA and for not drinking.
He lied to me though. He was drinking and just never told me. He said he would wait until just around bedtime and slam two beers down and then go to bed.
Now he says he's sober again. I kind of believe but kind of don't. He tells me now about how he lied then but this time it's been twelve days and this time is for real.
I want to believe him but I'm having a hard time with it. Do I act like I believe him? Express it that I think maybe he's lying or what?
I don't want to piss on his parade if he did indeed quit. I don't want to seem like I don't believe him. But in a way I don't believe him so acting all happy and proud of him isn't being true to me.
The only difference this time with the other times he supposedly quit drinking is he told his parents he's an alcoholic. His dad battled the disease and had to do detox just to get sober. His dad got DTs from drinking. But he only did rehab for maybe two or three days and once he sobered up he stayed dry five or six years later to this day.
He has his dad's support this time. So maybe it's for real? Still I don't know if he's lying because I'm not there right before bedtime so I have no way to know.
Do I express my concerns or what? Or just keep buying into what could be a lie? How am I suppose to know?
This has taken a hit to my trust of him. I know it probably shouldn't because I understand he was embarrassed of himself but still he lied to me.
Please forgive the comment, but Alcoholism is not a disease. It's a choice.
So whilst I can understand your dilemma - I'd be furious.
Letting alcohol pass his lips when he was supposed to be on the wagon, is something he decided to do....
This breaches your trust.
I know this was a huge bone of contention between you both, some time ago (I looked at your past threads) so I know how hard this must be for you.
If it's a minor lapse, that's one thing.
But if he is not going to make the effort.....
I don't know what I could add, other than for me, it would be a deal-breaker.....
I really wish you all the best in the world.
But I don't envy your position....
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He lied back when and I didn't find out until now so if I bring it up it's like I'm rehashing the past but if I say nothing then it becomes acceptable.
I think I'm just going to tell him if he drinks please be honest this time and don't let me think something is true that isn't.
Jesus what is he twelve? I really have to tell him not to lie?
This just makes me so mad. It's like he's sneaky and it damaged my trust.
Please forgive the comment, but Alcoholism is not a disease. It's a choice.
So whilst I can understand your dilemma - I'd be furious.
Letting alcohol pass his lips when he was supposed to be on the wagon, is something he decided to do....
This breaches your trust.
I know this was a huge bone of contention between you both, some time ago (I looked at your past threads) so I know how hard this must be for you.
If it's a minor lapse, that's one thing.
But if he is not going to make the effort.....
I don't know what I could add, other than for me, it would be a deal-breaker.....
I really wish you all the best in the world.
But I don't envy your position....
Dont' quite believe that that 'psychologist's book is the canon on whether it is a disease or not. One person's research with no other professional opinon to back it can hardly be the ultimate counter to 40 odd years of research on addiction being a disorder.
Yes it does! My husband is a functioning alcoholic, he used to lie to me all the time about his whereabouts during the day. I'd phone & say "Hey, where are ya"...He'd tell me he was working at such & such a place. Well I never believed him -So I had him followed one day & caught him red handed via a photo from a friend - he was at that moment at a bar. He still lied - said it was someone elses truck.3
What I have learned thru the years is this....when someone wants a drink they will to go any extent to have it. If it means lying, they will at any cost!
100% agreement! I don't care what AA says, or what anyone for that matter says that it's a disease....That's bullcrap!!! I know for a fact my husband could have stopped at any time - He choose not to. Once I left the marriage & 2 +years later - He has finally gotten his **** back together! He does not lie about his whereabouts anymore - (Yes, I check from time to time) He does not do the happy hour gig every night anymore like he used to. He does not come home drunk every single night of the week - like he used to. He does still drink...But it is WAYYY different than it used to be. Not quite 100% change - But I'd say 85% & improving all the time. So I say bull**** to the disease & you need help to quit! He didn't get any - except a swift kick in the @ss from me!!
OP - Yep - The lying is just as bad in my book as the drinking itsself - Now, what do you do about it - Well, you're not married to him - so maybe walk away!
he seems to be tring. alot of people it takes awhile for it to sink in and work.christ i couldn't tell you how many x's i said i was quitting,till it stuck. keep standing in his corner for him,be his so called cheerleader. if he's serious about it, he will eventually get it right.it is a lifelong fight. is he doing meetings? remember 90 in 90.
he seems to be tring. alot of people it takes awhile for it to sink in and work.christ i couldn't tell you how many x's i said i was quitting,till it stuck. keep standing in his corner for him,be his so called cheerleader. if he's serious about it, he will eventually get it right.it is a lifelong fight. is he doing meetings? remember 90 in 90.
Thank you. I hope this time he has it right. Congratulations to you.
Being in love with an alcoholic is very hard. It really is probably the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with because it is relentless. Right when you let your guard down, it gets worse. Strangely enough, you take longer and longer to let your guard down but somehow they always seem to fall off the wagon each time you let your guard down.
Anyways, alanon. I know that most codependents are terrified of alanon, and they find all sorts of random excuses not to go. But it really is a good place to get support.
I wish I could be more supportive or hopeful, but I'm not and I can't be. It's hard to stand by and watch someone slip again and again on a muddy slope. They push your hand away, the one reaching out to help them. they fall on their face. Then they cry about it to you and keep slipping, and they totally ignore the easy stairs that are right next to them. Sucks.
Being in love with an alcoholic is very hard. It really is probably the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with because it is relentless. Right when you let your guard down, it gets worse. Strangely enough, you take longer and longer to let your guard down but somehow they always seem to fall off the wagon each time you let your guard down.
Anyways, alanon. I know that most codependents are terrified of alanon, and they find all sorts of random excuses not to go. But it really is a good place to get support.
I wish I could be more supportive or hopeful, but I'm not and I can't be. It's hard to stand by and watch someone slip again and again on a muddy slope. They push your hand away, the one reaching out to help them. they fall on their face. Then they cry about it to you and keep slipping, and they totally ignore the easy stairs that are right next to them. Sucks.
B_O you are an alcoholic and stopped.
Who is to say maybe my BF shares your same strength? Not everyone is your guy. You aren't. And quite possibly my BF isn't like him either.
Your post makes no sense to me whatsoever. You are proof it can get done yet you are being pessimistic about my guy.
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