[joemax]

Hey all
This might be a bit long to read but please, if you have 5 minutes just take a look

I spent the first 18 years of my life longing for that feminine touch, hoping to get a girlfriend that I could LOVE and make happy. To be there for her when she cried, buy her flowers to make her smile. I was really into all that lovey dovey stuff.

A bit after I turned 18, I met this girl online and we met and really hit it off. We've been together for a year and a half and for the first...6 months everything was perfect. After 6 months though, I started flirting with some girls, but I have never cheated on her and never would. 2 Girls have asked me out but I have turned them both down. I thought I knew what I want. I think I love her, when I'm with her everything is great. But when we're out together, I often find myself checking out other girls and wondering how it is being single again. I do flirt a little bit with girls, but never has it gone beyond that.

I don't want to hurt her. 2 months ago, we went on " a break" because I felt really pressured about everything. During that week I knew that we were gona get back together but it hurt so much listening to her cry on the phone. And I guess I wasn't in as bad shape as her because I knew that I wanted to get back together with her and that it was in my hands.

I think I wana be with her, but I also really wana be single. I feel really confused. Sometimes, and I'm ashamed to say this, I picture other girls when we're making love. I'm still only 20 and I feel like this is my chance to really experience life. But I also wana love. I don't know what to do.

Any help will be appreciated. I know it's hard to help someone who doesn't know what they want, but any insight would be very helpful. Thank you.