[joemax]

I've been thinking, and I do apologize for bringing up an old topic...but this could just all be physical, no? Maybe it's just all about sex for me? That would be pretty f'd up, but maybe it is. I'm just trying to view this from a different angle.

I hung out with my ex this week, and once again, I was so annoyed that she went to sleep early and was tired early. That's what always got to me - the fact that she was never up to do anything fun late on, but is that a reason to break up?

[hotdancer2009]

EVERYONE ON THIS FORUM IS A BUNCH OF SEXIST *********S!!! When I posted a problem, "have a boyfriend and crushing on another", which was pretty much the same as this post but gender reversed, everyone was like, "break up with him" and "you are a SLUT!" I got so much crap. Everyone was so nice on this forum, saying "you should be true to your heart" and encouraging him to see the value of staying together and not leaving for greener grass on the other side. When I mentioned the grass, NOBODY thought to mention to me that perhaps I should see the value in what I already had. Everyone was like, "leave, leave, leave!" And I was stupid enough to believe them and leave my boyfriend, who I deeply loved. All it would have taken was a shift in attitude and we could have still been together today. WHY THE SEXISM????!!!! You think females are incapable of changing their attitudes? You think we are weak sluts? WRONG!!!

Just because someone is having thoughts about dating other people does NOT mean they should break up.

[Ronni_W]

Originally Posted by joemax

I've been thinking, and I do apologize for bringing up an old topic...but this could just all be physical, no? Maybe it's just all about sex for me? That would be pretty f'd up,

Hey Joe!
How you doing over there? (other than with the issue at hand, of course .)

Even if it is all about sex for you, that is not all f'd up -- you're at the age where people do want to expand their sexual knowledge and experiences.

What I'm hearing now is that your and her libidos don't match quite so nicely -- is that right?
Is it a reason to break up? -- For some people, yes.

I think, though, that usually there is more "wrong" in a relationship than just mismatched sex drives. Sometimes that is just the easiest thing to point to, and not have to deal with the mental-emotional mismatches.

I think maybe you are trying to make something work for you that just doesn't work for you. Don't you think? [EDIT: At least, it more does NOT work than it does. And the parts that you perceive as working are the parts that satisfy your more "needy" stuff --that is, your fears and anxieties about being "alone".]

Like trying to fit a 30-inch waist into a pair of 27-inch pants -- you probably could squeeze your body into it, but it is gonna be uncomfortable as all heck, and you'll have trouble breathing and moving easily and effortlessly. And FORGET about eating .
Or, like clinging to a coffin that is already 4 feet in the ground.

Sometimes, Joe, we need to find the grace to let go with dignity and gratitude.

It doesn't really matter WHY your waist is too big for the pants, or WHY that person in the coffin died. It just is the way it is. Acceptance of the reality and facts of a situation is sometimes the only thing that can be done. And it eliminates the fear, guilt and resistance that causes so much agony.


PS: I missed your Dec. 24 post -- belated thanks for the good wishes...and hoping this year will bring you LOTS of clarity and many of the experiences that you want, that will fill your mind, heart, soul and, empty your...er...well, that'll make you totally happy and content

[joemax]

Hey Joe!
How you doing over there? (other than with the issue at hand, of course .)

I'm doing better, thanks. Working out a bit more, trying to stay as healthy as I can. How about you? Spend a good holidays?


Even if it is all about sex for you, that is not all f'd up -- you're at the age where people do want to expand their sexual knowledge and experiences.

Yeah, I know. But I told my friend and he said something that struck me: "I may have a queen water bed and you may have a regular single bed, but at the end of the day when you wana go to bed, no matter how much more comfortable my bed may seem, you'll only have a good night's sleep if you sleep on your bed".

I think he meant to say that all girls have the same body parts, and no matter how many you have experiences/sleep with, it's all pretty much the same. Love though, that isn't the same.


What I'm hearing now is that your and her libidos don't match quite so nicely -- is that right?
Is it a reason to break up? -- For some people, yes.

Well, no. Our sex life was great, we both wanted it the same amount pretty much.



Sometimes, Joe, we need to find the grace to let go with dignity and gratitude.

You're completely right, and I know I may sound like I'm reiterating something over and over again with no point, but I just wana make sure I make the right decision. I guess I'm okay as a single man, although I do miss her like ****! I\m just trying to figure out whether I miss her or I miss A girlfriend.

I know there's plenty of fish in the sea, but other than this other girl I went on a date with last month, I really had no interest romantically in anyone else. It was more, like I said, physical, with almost every other girl I meet. I wish I wasn't like that, but I guess I'm at that age.

Maybe I got so used to my ex? For example, she never wore any sexy PJ's when she slept over (and she slept over a lot) and I've always wanted her to wear something sexy to bed. She never bought tight pants (is it bad that I want people to be jealous when they see me with her?). She did though, buy lingerie and model it for my birthday for me.

Maybe that's the problem? That we got so used to each other? But then I ask, how do people that have been together for 20 years do it? How do they keep the excitement there?

Anyways, Thanks Ronni. Take care