The only reason I am this keen on where to find support for NC, is because the actual discontinuation of the affair I was involved with was n my mind days before we decided to end it.
I had already been through the forums, seeking support for when this really went down.
I am fine now, but I know my personality.
I will get needy, and I wont seek a new mate due to how vunerable I feel. You'd be suprised by my appearence by the way I talk and type in these forums.
I am just hoping my XOW stays strong also, because I don't want to cave in. This is really for her benefit for her marriage. Its is difficult knowing the best thing you can do for someone is leave them alone.
I toyed with the idea of being "friends", but we are already friends, we didn't stop being friendly, it was discontinued by a mutual respect and appreciation. So in that aspect I am being the best friend I know how to be, staying away and allowing her marriage to get back on track.
For me, I need to grit my teeth in this little southern city. I don't fit in here, so it breeds boredom and time to think too much.
Funny time of the year,
Seems I can't get things together for my Birthdays, I think I have made this little miserable ritual of romantic short comings subconsciously. Am I a glutton for punishment?
I knda messed that up, we chatted and shared emails yesterday.
She wanted to meet for coffee, to talk.
I dont think I can do this, my intentions were to help her, but now I am feeling liek the victim or something, I already miss her.
Its not that I was trying to prove a point or be cool, I just wanted to doig somethign right, by ending her back to her husband.
But now, I have no one to hug lol, she has her husband.
I was there when she needed the attention, and he's there for now when she needs the attention.
I need attention lol, but I already cut that off. And in these moments, I deffinitely don't look to meet a new affection buddy. You only attract snakes when you are in the need of affection.
I'm 3 months NC to this day. All I can say is it was one of the best choices I've ever made. It saved me a ton of pride and dignity by doing it too. Up until I told her to not contact me, she was frequently texting me and wanting to meet up to talk. She had/has some issues she needs to address (I won't get into them), and because of this I've heard that she claims the breakup was mutual. I still feel she was the one who broke it off though. I've been dumped before, but I've NEVER seen a girl cry as much as she did when she did it; or try to I should say. She couldn't say the words, and I had to do it for her...hardest thing I've ever done or gone through in my life.
Anyways, I've started talking to other women, and that definitely helps. I'm at the point where my healing has plateaued a bit. In other words it won't get much better from here, considering the effect she had on me. I still think about her a lot, but it doesn't hurt. I hate burning bridges so I'm very seriously considering breaking NC today; or at the very least this weekend since it's her birthday. I think I'm fine with whatever response (or none at all) I get from her, so NC has run its course and done its job.
Just hang in there guys and try your hardest to stay NC...it's so difficult to do, but it's generally the right thing to do.
hello everyone. today is only my 2nd day of NC and I need lots of help I think I am going crazy. I don't really have a support in this situation and would aprreciate any support anyone could give me. I haven't read the rest of the posts on this thread but am going to now. This is a good idea-thank you. Right now I am trying to keep my mind on other things but it's hard..
Ah-ha, been wondering what NC and LC were...figured out the MC. I guess I am on day 2 of very LC since my husband informed me that he fell out of love with me...only nine days after a surgery that has me out of work for over a month. He sent me a text yesterday to which I did not respond and one today asking how I was (due to the surgery) and apologizing for hurting me...oh, and he wanted the phone number for his car payment....does it count that I simply sent him the number and didn't respond to anything else?
I feel off the wagon in spirit. I woke up angry and just had a mother of a crying fit. I just cried and cried and wanted to call him. I just keep thinking if I call him...this time it will be different. But I know it won't be. I stayed strong...well, I spent some hours in bed sulking, but I did not break NC. Gosh, it's amazing to me how some people can just stand by and see that they have broken you and not even offer so much as an apology after they claim to have loved you. It really boggles my mind how cold and cruel some people can be.
I'm really trying to fight the urge to break NC. I thought about emailing and/or calling him much of today.
I know I have a responsibility to my roommate. I know it's not fair for me to keep breaking down in tears..It's not fair for me to hold onto him as if I am dying while I'm crying myself into a tizzy. If I break NC I will end up in tears and once again he's gonna have to pick up the pieces. He said if I break NC, he won't be mad, but he will be disappointed in me. I promised him and myself, yesterday and today, that I would NOT break NC, and I haven't but it's just soooo darn hard. Sometimes I feel if I don't contact my ex I will jump out of my skin. I have 4 more days to go before I will have 2 weeks of consecutive NC and I don't want to blow it. I just keep fantasizing that this time if I break NC, my ex will come back to me. (Sigh) I know, I know...he's not coming back.
NC is good for the heart god it will help u heal i am tryin it but it is hard i havent called her in like 2 dayz and normally we dont talk really unless i see her at the gym but i have my dayz(like 2day) i wanna talk to her and just be around her but i know that is not good for me right now.
Yesterday I took the star down that I had rewarded myself for not contacting him. It was at the end of the day and I could not take it anymore. I went to the computer and turned it on, so I could email him...but I stopped myself and went back out the the other room and sat next to my roommate and just cried. I put another star up to replace the one I took down from the calendar and watched Dr. Who with my roommate. I'm glad. I keep reminding myself, I don't want to be like my mother...I can no longer be with a man that trashes my self-esteem and refuses to make me a priority in his life. Got to be strong and have to carry that strength into the next relationship.
Sometimes I feel as if I am in my own private Hell. Tomorrow marks 14 days in a row that I kept NC. I was hoping by now it would be much easier. The crying fits are less frequent, but when they come they are strong and hard. They take so much out of me. They drain me.
Sometimes I feel as if I am in my own private Hell. Tomorrow marks 14 days in a row that I kept NC. I was hoping by now it would be much easier. The crying fits are less frequent, but when they come they are strong and hard. They take so much out of me. They drain me.
Today I started NC too. What's your story. As i see you're hangging on there pretty good. Just hold on
Today I started NC too. What's your story. As i see you're hangging on there pretty good. Just hold on
Marmaliade, thanks so much for your kind words. I appreciate it. I don't want to go into too much detail because I talked about this before. Briefly, I was with a man who put no effort into the relationship because he was having so many problems with his personal life. I made excuses for him again and again. I accepted his bad behavior because I thought once he got himself together, things would change. He treated me like an inconvenience when he had all his personal troubles. He threw a coworker in my face that had a crush on him. There were rumors about them circulating at his job. Even with this, he chose to be friends with her and spend time with her and I did not want to tell him what friends he could and could not have, so I kept my mouth shut.
When things got better in his life and it calmed down a bit, he devoted his extra time to other things and other people not me. He still made more excuses....I lived too far away, etc. (I only lived an hour away). Then he took up with another woman, left me...cut me off. I was completely blindsided. That's the gist of it without the hurtful, painful details. I was very alone in the relationship and instead of trying to nuture it or going to couple's counseling, he made it seem like it was my fault because I didn't have confidence in the relationship. He never gave me anything, never tried to make me feel special, and when I didn't want to have sex, he became nasty and obnoxious, even if I was in pain from menstral cramps. There's a ton more, but as I said, that is the gist.
I'm trying to really go cold turkey today. I just screwed up and looked at a picture of her. She tried to get me fired from my job (see second chance thread-get back on plane for full story), was checking my emails behind my back, won't give the ring back after I traveled 5000 miles to live with her. Why the hell am I thinking about contacting her at this point??? Oh yeah that's right, I have a hero complex....i try to save our relationship when I should really be saving myself. She sure looked great in that picture though, I mean we were supposed to get married..now its all over. I need to find the strength, still searching for it.
I woke up angry and upset. I thought about contacting my ex because I was angry and I wanted to tell him how much he hurt me. Hmm, I guess that would be for the 7th time.
But I did not. I gave myself a silver star for today and tomorrow to encourage myself not to contact him. If I contact him the stars will have to come down. I went over things in my head. Things he said and did to me that were so selfish. All the lies he told. Stringing me along for soooo long, and then breaking up with me behind my back. Not being man enough to tell me he was going to start a relationship with someone else...just doing it and then making excuses for it when he tells me about it.
I wish I could break NC every day and just scream and torment him for the rest of his life...but that is unhealthy and maladaptive. Time and his own personality will take care of him...his life is a mess. The whole time I knew him, there was one month when his life wasn't a mess, unless you count the fact that his ex implied that she was going to have him killed.
Well, I guess you could say that the whole time I knew him, his life was literally a mess. Three legal problems in a year...health problems, health problems, and more health problems, switching money around from bank account to bank account...Three different permanent places to live in 15 months, not even counting all the times that he lived with other people-going from house to house and sometimes sleeping in his car. Getting fired from his job. His friend getting in trouble with the police for drugs. His friend's husband robbing people at knife point and getting caught by the cops. His other friend, gambling to pay rent...gambled one time for 7 hours and said "this is personal."
Pretending like his life just became messed up when he met me, then confessing a year later that he's had other periods in his life that were so bad, the girlfriends he had left him. What a complete loser. I'm so glad I'm sticking to NC.
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