[lostforwords]

hey buddy....... i cant change how all women feel.... im merely pointing out to YOU one of the possibilities of how an affair may make a person feel... one i feel we shouldnt JUDGE ANYBODY for... particularily if it gives her the self worth to leave her bum of a husband...... now if you cant wrap your head around that and just think with rose colored glasses than that is indeed your problem........ im merely stating that YES some women's self esteem boosts or they get back their self worth from the other man/woman they are CHEATING with!!!!! im not asking you to accept this....... but perhaps see a form of positivity that actually came FROM it and it down right suits some women, that does not mean its a form of acceptance, it just means what doesnt WORK for you could very well WORK for someone else..... Try oh please do TRY to look beyond the barriers of what YOU determine is wrong or right...... that is why PEOPLE have varying differences of OPINIONS.... if we were all the same it would be a damn boring world..... REMEMBER EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN OPINIONS........

[lostforwords]

Posting by Bark: And heaven help the poster who advocates a more tolerant approach when he or she has had the temerity to have an affair and the courage to admit it on these boards. I'm still picking up my body pieces.

DAMMIT bark...... you accidently grabbed my leg...... here have yours..... and gimme mine.....

[quankanne]

lostforwords, you said that your GF dropped 75 pounds after dumping both her husband and lover. Surely there was more weight than that!

[lostforwords]

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Originally posted by lostforwords

I chose to take the shorter whatever makes ya feel good route......

Let me ask you this, why aren't you divorced yet? You don't consider your and your husbands relationships outside of your marriage as cheating?

[lostforwords]

Actually my husband and I have been legally sperated for approx 4 years now. Here in canada when a husband and wife have been seperated for more than a year it automatically is considered legally seperated. as far as the divorce is concerned my answer is because I just choose not to at this moment (I quit asking after the 8th time), if you were to ask him im sure he would give you the same answer as well. Thank you for taking so much interest in my marital status and im more than happy to clarify to you in the future any other questions you may have that I feel I can answer for you.

I view being seperated as still being married. Some couples seem to just display a fringe benefits kind of deal, or ex lovers with benefits I should say. If you wanted to divroce him so bad, as you say you asked 8 times, then why not just serve the papers. And granted I don't clearly know how things are handled in Canada, so please explain this to me if I am misperceiving how the process takes place. I can certainly understand if it was a financial issue, but after 4 years? Are you sure you're not holding on in hopes he will reconcile with you?

I wanted to know since you seem to have this whole view of cheating not being wrong, or as a matter of raising one's low self-esteeem/ego. And I wondered if that's what you are telling yourself to make it ok since you are not divorced. Once again, let me know if I am just misperceiving this. I find your answers to most posts very interesting.

Thanks for answering so quickly.

[lostforwords]

Well KL:

To answer your questions as I love the fact that a Guest user has taken great interest in me......

I view being seperated as still being married

Fotunately in the eyes of the courts once a person is considered legally seperated, they are now pretty much considered divorced, its just a matter of a piece of paper that defines the two. I consider myself Not married and nor does he, and as for him and I not actually getting divorced yet..... its merely a difference of financial matters eg: he just bought a house with his girlfriend as did i. Most times we have asked one another for a divorce it was in the middle of an argument so we both as well, decided to keep things in perspective and rationalize we wont divorce until the time is right and have agreed to never do it when we are angry with eachother..... that just may cause a long out expensive battle neither of us wants to go through. We both come to the same agreement that instead of wasting our money on a divorce quite yet, we could utilize it otherways..... iam a single mother of 2 teenagers..... so i need to pick and choose. We have both decided this is the best for us. when we are ready for one tho if youll give me your email address i can keep you updated.

Are you sure you're not holding on in hopes he will reconcile with you?

Not at all seeing as how I was the one who ended our marriage, we are both quite happy with the living arrangemnts as it suits himself and myself...... and more importantly our children we have together. Everything is kept as amicable as it could be due to the sake of our children..... and the fact I was in a previous relationship out of the country as well had partly to do with the amicability.

I wanted to know since you seem to have this whole view of cheating not being wrong, or as a matter of raising one's low self-esteeem/ego. And I wondered if that's what you are telling yourself to make it ok since you are not divorced.

Iam on both sides of the fence as far as my feelings are concerned regarding this.... in this day and age it seems everyone i know almost is going thru one form of relationship problem whether it be divorce, seperation, infedelity OR insecurities, iam a friend who will support them no matter what their decisions are and for whaetver reasons they have. I do not throw stones.... if a person decides to make a judgement about me because of my opinions and feelings so be it.... just proves what little they actually know about me.

Once again, let me know if I am just misperceiving this

I think i have pointed out to you already that you are.

So in conclusion KL....... i hope that feeds your interest in me..... oh and be sure to visit my website listed on my profile and sign my guestbook......

Toodles

Thanks for the info, that certainly clears up some questions.

As to why I am a guest still, I have not entertained the idea of registerring as a friend of mine forwarded the LoveShack url to me. And I have to say, your quibbles with other members are quite interesting/entertaining/informative. Sorry if you think I have singled you out for this. That wasn't my intention at all.

I hope you and your husband/ex/whatever continue to have a great relationship for the sake of your children. That is quite admirable as not all couples remain civil after a divorce or seperation.

You seem like a very strong opinionated person, and I like that. Keep up the great work with your posts.

Thanks for the invite on that website, I'll make sure to look at it!

[lostforwords]

oh hey no problem..... by the way heres another thread you may want to check out as i have lots to say in there as well.....

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t27716/

hopefully youll get some great insight from that thread...... i know its sure helped me

your gonna love Loveshack...... LOL

Wow. Sounds like you've got yourself a grade A stalker there.

Good luck with that one! I don't have the url handy, but there is an article that I read some time ago describing what you can do about someone pestering you online, making threats, whatever the case is. At any rate I would have certainly reported her for the Anthrax thing!

I like to see you debate posts though. Not too much of that going on in the thread. But hey, you said it helped you out, so it must not be too bad when you're not going back and forth with someone.

If it makes you more comfortable I can certainly register an account here so that we could discuss things more privately.
I don't have a problem with that or giving you my email, of course one of my friends said it would be removed by the mods for personal info. So I wouldn't want to get them peeved at me so early in the game.

Have a great night if I don't hear from you again directing me somewhere else.

[bark]

One thing I've noticed on the infidelity threads are the "divorce before adultery" posts. A number of posters view adultery so negatively that divorce is given as the preferred option to having an affair. While perhaps reinforcing the poster's value system, is this "terminator" advice sensible as to many marriages?

Must honesty and the ensuing divorce to forestall adultery, however, always trump marriage? If a spouse, for whatever reason, seriously considers having an an affair, is divorce always preferable to the affair? Is a marriage wounded by an affair better than that marriage's death? By recommending divorce as an option in lieu of an affair, are these anti-adultery posters sacrificing marriage and family, however hurt, on the alter of absolute fidelity and honesty? Under the law of unintended consequences, is this "divorce before adultery" advice actually harmful to some marriages ?

Can adultery, in some marriages, especially with young children involved, actually be preferable to divorce? Are we destroying troubled marriages in order to save them. Are there any longitudinal studies as to what harms children more: a divorce or a parent's affair?

On some level, I find this "divorce before adultery" advice disconcerting.

[lostforwords]

Bark to answer your questions:

yes yes maybe no yes maybe not sure yes..... still not sure yes and no...

lol good to see ya on here dood..... did ya get the message about you accidently taking my leg.... cuz ya here........ i had yours LOLOLOL

[lostforwords]

Wow. Sounds like you've got yourself a grade A stalker there.

Good luck with that one! I don't have the url handy, but there is an article that I read some time ago describing what you can do about someone pestering you online, making threats, whatever the case is. At any rate I would have certainly reported her for the Anthrax thing!

Actually KL.... lol i love calling you that.... actually i prefer calling people by their first name bad habit..... ok Kink.... To just give ya some insight abut the whole stalker thing..... ah i just put it behind me because you see..... past experiences have always proved to me that it probably bothers her no matter what I do...... so like i said..... im going to put my FAITH in HER.... to TAKE her WORD for it..... after all... if i dont have FAITH with HER than i never should have taken her WORD for it in the first place and just call me foolish... but im always that type of person who TRIES SO HARD to find the BEST and GOOD in EVERYBODY!!!

have a good night

[Bronzepen]

Originally posted by lostforwords
hey buddy....... i cant change how all women feel.... im merely pointing out to YOU one of the possibilities of how an affair may make a person feel... one i feel we shouldnt JUDGE ANYBODY for... particularily if it gives her the self worth to leave her bum of a husband...... im merely stating that YES some women's self esteem boosts or they get back their self worth from the other man/woman they are CHEATING with!!!!! im not asking you to accept this

I don't believe the affair had anything to do with her leaving her husband. I give her kudos for finally having the courage to leave on her own. Saying that cheating was the cause for leaving, makes no sense. The affair just filled her void that her abusive husband had emptied. Nothing positive came out of it. Still does'nt make it right. 2 wrongs don't make a right.

As for Judging.....YES we should judge people based on their actions....I think it's naive not too. If we follow your way of thinking then I guess we should not judge people that have killed. We should say...."Well, he might have killed 10 people but maybe he feels better about himself. Maybe he is really a nice guy." How about a pedophile?? Lets use your friends story with a twist. She is in an abusive relationship but now she finds a 10 year old boy that satisfies her and makes her feel good about herself. Does'nt sound like a person that I would admire. Cheating is the same thing. It's NOT apples and oranges.
My point is, your friend did something wrong to feel better about herself. Does the mean justify the end? In this case it doesn't.


I think your the one with the rose colored glasses. There is right and there is wrong and YES there is diffrent. If you want to be diffrent then go right ahead, as long as, you don't hurt anyone else around you.