[learnfrommymistakes]

Hello All
It just dawned on, DOH! My exMM is so far, the only man I have never been able to give up, or fully give up YET.

I think there are many reasons these men are so hard to give up, (besides true love, sex etc) they are not ours to start with, and we don't see the other side, day in, day out lifestyle, peculiarities, bad habits, patterns like the W does. We get to be the one he DOESN't have to answer to, come home to, raise kids with, figure out finances with, etc. etc.

I have been able to let go of every other man, eventually, (or him me) but can't seem to give up (like a drug...I guess) the exMM for longer than a few months at a time. Have not been able to say ITS DONE and stick with it, but have been able to walk away from way better, kinder, more trusting, wonderful men...what's up with that???

I realize, and always did, that the "A" is not how a real life relationship day in day out would be if you were with them as their only partner (for most people). I realize some people here have very close and time intensive relationships with their MM, I did not have much time with mine, about once a year...I know, this makes even more mind boggling.

If I had him for my own, I would not trust him, can't, and I would not see a life with him, so why cant I walk away?? Man it's odd.

I know why I can't or have not been able to walk/run..I have never met a man I had such an intense physical connection with, not just sex, just to be in same room, to talk on phone, I was attracted to his voice, his scent, his body, his eyes, his laugh, and so on. With every other man I got tired of them, or they me, or I loved them dearly as friends but could not make that passion/physical connection. It was way more than sex...as it was only once a year..but the intense feeling of being with him, getting ready to be with him, is intoxicating. Strange and odd...I never saw myself being like this.

Boy I wish I could find that connection with a different person...I love being single, but always loved the connection I had with this man.
We want what we cant have, and cant have what we want, and if we got what we think we want, we probably wouldnt want it anymore.
Did Shakespeare say that once, or Ghandi, lol.
Be well all, and to all BE WELL
lfmm