I thought I was doing better, and even told MM to leave me alone.
Then I snapped and spent the bulk of the day raging on him through a barrage of texts. I said it all - how I wondered how long he knew he was going to dump me and how long was he able to lie to my face about it, how he probably has a new OW already, how I hated him for turning me into this person. It just unleashed.
Then last night I sent a final text saying the following:
Heres how it is. I am in Miami and going out with friends. Tomorrow when I wake up, you will still be happily married to your gorgeous wife(LS friends - thats a dig because she is undisputably a beast to look at. Like I said, I was raging), and you wont matter to me anymore. I will have moved on. Enjoy!
I also was working on some business stuff for me, that he paid me for, but it occured to me that why should all of my hard work go to benefit him and his beast of a wife? I told him for him to ask me for the final work shows he has no conscience, and while he was at it, why not ask me to tell her how to give a proper blow job?
Full Of Rage.
I feel better this morning. Still angry, still sad, but I just fear an attack of rage will come back.
To you OW - after youve been dismissed and you have your moment with your MM about it, do you continue the anger with him? Or does it go away? I hate to think this will happen again.
I am assuming it doesn't go away any easier for an OW than it does for a BS. It is a process that has set backs and pitfalls. It won't end over night or a few months.
__________________
Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death.
It sounds like you just didnt like loosing this MM to his wife, ego damaged or broken. WTF was you doing messing with a man who was married in the first place?
So his wife was ugly, why the personal dig? Why the hate?
__________________
You see I'm not a monster...I'm just ahead of the curve!!!
Wow nice to read that someone else is as crazy as I am! LOL!!
I have called and left nice, sweet, "thanks for trying" - "I'll never forget you voice mails to upset, miserable, "don't ever call me again" voice mails. Same goes for text messages.
Half the time I feel like I'm "sybil" and I never know what personality if going to be exposed through-out the day.
I've been dealing with this for several months now while trying to do the "just be friends" option that he wanted.
Worked great for him...he got to talk to me on a daily basis and still have all his emotional needs met and then go home to his wife.
For me, however, it didn't work well at all because I continued to hold out hope with each phone call that he would tell me what I longed to hear....that he was sorry and that he wanted another chance with "us".
I waited for 11 months to hear him say that but this time it never happened.
I'm trying really hard to do NC and just move on but the emotions that are "raging" through me at any given moment are all over the page.
The one that gets to me the most though is the one where I feel bad!! I feel like I should call him up and apologize for being emotional!!! WTF????? I'm the one who KNEW what I wanted for the whole 10 months we were together!!! I'm the one who
NEVER swayed from my feelings for him!!! I'm the one who waited for him for EIGHT YEARS to give "us" a chance!!!
Why in the sam hell do I EVER get to feeling like I SHOULD apologize to him?!?!?! Am I THAT pathetic and think THAT LITTLE of myself that I honestly believe I should call him and apologize????!!!! And WHY would I even think for ONE MILLISECOND that I should apologize???? So he will not think that I hate him???? So that he will know that I still care????
OMG lovekillslowly
DITTO DITTO DITTO
Feel exact same way, sybil. he thinks so too. Cant understand how I can be lovely, ego boosting and then accuse him of this or that. He wants the sex kitten, fun gal, not the deep stuff or adult stuff....
I do same thing, once I upset him by asking him a question I feel badly and apologize, like I did something wrong..which is insane....lol
ALL I can say is I feel exactly what you do, man does this ring true for me as well.
lfmm
When the guy I was cheating with (MM means MY married man and he was NOT mine), in any case, when the guy I was cheating with "dropped" me for his amazing wife, I had dignity and walked away with class.
Leave him alone and regain your dignity
__________________
Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom. ~Thomas Jefferson
When the guy I was cheating with (MM means MY married man and he's not YOURS), in any case, when the guy I was cheating with "dropped" me for his amazing wife, I had dignity and walked away with class.
Leave him alone and regain your dignity
What she said Walk away with dignity and remain NC no matter what. I read in another forum and I had to chuckle when I read it but it is so true: There isn't a clearer way of saying F**k You than NC.
This is exactly where I am at the moment! I had a series of angry texts when we were LC and just "friends" and to stop them/shut me up he 'fessed up and said "his feelings for me had changed and he was sorry because he knew that I still loved him."
Well.
Then things went on in EXACTLY the same vein as they had before until I had enough and called time on it. I told him that I had met someone else (true) and I never contacted him again. He called me at the end of July to see how I was doing and to find out if we could be in closer contact with one another again. I asked him why he was calling and if his girlfriend knew he was speaking to me and he said he "thought that he was going to tell her (yeah sure)". He hasn't called since and I don't expect to hear from him again.
I am mad too-- in a way it seems so unfair that I cried in my pillow every night, waiting up through the night for texts or a phone call while he went off to an amazing new life on a tropical island (I'm not joking here) with his loyal and devoted girlfriend and her father and step mom whom I know he adores. I wasn't a bit surprised to find out that after his training finished, he applied to stay on permanently-- so much for teaching the challenging inner city youth (the kind of school I work in and where we met). No doubt he has a lovely, stress free job on a stunning beach where he and his girlfriend will raise their children in peace and harmony.
The whole thing makes me want to puke. Then I would like to punch him. Hard.
My favorite fantasy is getting in touch with his girlfriend via Facebook (I'm not a friend obviously but I can leave a message) about asking her to tell him to leave me alone. But I will never do that. I have my pride, after all.
There isn't a clearer way of saying F**k You than NC.
When my xMM told me he was going back to his W, I can still remember slamming my front door in his face. I sent some lovely texts after that (that day). I stayed NC until three weeks later, after receiving some unusual texts (from him supposedly), I did text him back. THEN his W called me back from his phone. That was it for me.
Since then, I have maintained NC. And, yes I really, really rage some days. I never had the opportunity to tell him off. I don't text, call, email - I write it down or I come here and lurk for a while.
Anytime I want to contact him, I just think about how humiliated I was the last time I tried it. I am proud of myself. I have maintained it somehow.
Sometimes I think NC makes it worse - I think I obsess about him waaaay too much. I think a lot of it is me trying to make sense of things. I never asked him why - although, I'm sure I'll never understand it.
I hope it does get better in time. I have good days and bad days.
I thought I was doing better, and even told MM to leave me alone.
Then I snapped and spent the bulk of the day raging on him through a barrage of texts. I said it all - how I wondered how long he knew he was going to dump me and how long was he able to lie to my face about it, how he probably has a new OW already, how I hated him for turning me into this person. It just unleashed.
Then last night I sent a final text saying the following:
Heres how it is. I am in Miami and going out with friends. Tomorrow when I wake up, you will still be happily married to your gorgeous wife(LS friends - thats a dig because she is undisputably a beast to look at. Like I said, I was raging), and you wont matter to me anymore. I will have moved on. Enjoy!
I also was working on some business stuff for me, that he paid me for, but it occured to me that why should all of my hard work go to benefit him and his beast of a wife? I told him for him to ask me for the final work shows he has no conscience, and while he was at it, why not ask me to tell her how to give a proper blow job?
Full Of Rage.
I feel better this morning. Still angry, still sad, but I just fear an attack of rage will come back.
To you OW - after youve been dismissed and you have your moment with your MM about it, do you continue the anger with him? Or does it go away? I hate to think this will happen again.
I also did the same sort of thing to my MM and he told his best friend who knew about us that he is married to a psycho doesnt want another one...LOL
Wow nice to read that someone else is as crazy as I am! LOL!!
I have called and left nice, sweet, "thanks for trying" - "I'll never forget you voice mails to upset, miserable, "don't ever call me again" voice mails. Same goes for text messages.
Half the time I feel like I'm "sybil" and I never know what personality if going to be exposed through-out the day.
I've been dealing with this for several months now while trying to do the "just be friends" option that he wanted.
Worked great for him...he got to talk to me on a daily basis and still have all his emotional needs met and then go home to his wife.
For me, however, it didn't work well at all because I continued to hold out hope with each phone call that he would tell me what I longed to hear....that he was sorry and that he wanted another chance with "us".
I waited for 11 months to hear him say that but this time it never happened.
I'm trying really hard to do NC and just move on but the emotions that are "raging" through me at any given moment are all over the page.
The one that gets to me the most though is the one where I feel bad!! I feel like I should call him up and apologize for being emotional!!! WTF????? I'm the one who KNEW what I wanted for the whole 10 months we were together!!! I'm the one who
NEVER swayed from my feelings for him!!! I'm the one who waited for him for EIGHT YEARS to give "us" a chance!!!
Why in the sam hell do I EVER get to feeling like I SHOULD apologize to him?!?!?! Am I THAT pathetic and think THAT LITTLE of myself that I honestly believe I should call him and apologize????!!!! And WHY would I even think for ONE MILLISECOND that I should apologize???? So he will not think that I hate him???? So that he will know that I still care????
Gawd I need mental help!!!!
LOL. No, you don't need mental help. We are all just working through the anger and rage caused when WE were honest about our intentions, and our MM's lied their asses off to our faces. Who wouldnt be upset and emotional? I wont apologize for the things Ive said to him. If anything, it has helped get it out, and I think he needed to know what he did, and the fallout it caused. He is the one who went back on his word and lied. Not me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ladydesigner
What she said Walk away with dignity and remain NC no matter what. I read in another forum and I had to chuckle when I read it but it is so true: There isn't a clearer way of saying F**k You than NC.
This is so true. I think the opposite of love isnt hate, its indifference. I raged severely on him on Tuesday, and had NC yesterday and today, and plan on continuing on. I told him I would wake up on Wednesday and he wouldnt matter to me anymore. And I think getting it all out and saying all I wanted to really helped the healing. Now I feel like I can move on. And yes, the NC is the ultimate FU.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaureyL
This is exactly where I am at the moment! I had a series of angry texts when we were LC and just "friends" and to stop them/shut me up he 'fessed up and said "his feelings for me had changed and he was sorry because he knew that I still loved him."
Well.
Then things went on in EXACTLY the same vein as they had before until I had enough and called time on it. I told him that I had met someone else (true) and I never contacted him again. He called me at the end of July to see how I was doing and to find out if we could be in closer contact with one another again. I asked him why he was calling and if his girlfriend knew he was speaking to me and he said he "thought that he was going to tell her (yeah sure)". He hasn't called since and I don't expect to hear from him again.
I am mad too-- in a way it seems so unfair that I cried in my pillow every night, waiting up through the night for texts or a phone call while he went off to an amazing new life on a tropical island (I'm not joking here) with his loyal and devoted girlfriend and her father and step mom whom I know he adores. I wasn't a bit surprised to find out that after his training finished, he applied to stay on permanently-- so much for teaching the challenging inner city youth (the kind of school I work in and where we met). No doubt he has a lovely, stress free job on a stunning beach where he and his girlfriend will raise their children in peace and harmony.
The whole thing makes me want to puke. Then I would like to punch him. Hard.
My favorite fantasy is getting in touch with his girlfriend via Facebook (I'm not a friend obviously but I can leave a message) about asking her to tell him to leave me alone. But I will never do that. I have my pride, after all.
xxx
Wow. He really twisted the knife.
I like your fantasy, though. Sometimes I think about telling his W, but Im sure she still wouldnt leave him, and it probably wouldnt cause any fallout for him, but Im sure shed bring me a boat load of drama, though. She has a history of confronting his OW (well the only other one he had and she was told about) yet she seems to be OK with his having affairs (he claims to talk his way out of them but as a woman, she has to know hes full of crap). So their M is one where he will continue to have affairs because he doesnt want to be with her but doesnt have the balls to leave, and she will continue to tolerate his cheating because she is a desperate doormat.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Morelikeher
There isn't a clearer way of saying F**k You than NC.
When my xMM told me he was going back to his W, I can still remember slamming my front door in his face. I sent some lovely texts after that (that day). I stayed NC until three weeks later, after receiving some unusual texts (from him supposedly), I did text him back. THEN his W called me back from his phone. That was it for me.
Since then, I have maintained NC. And, yes I really, really rage some days. I never had the opportunity to tell him off. I don't text, call, email - I write it down or I come here and lurk for a while.
Anytime I want to contact him, I just think about how humiliated I was the last time I tried it. I am proud of myself. I have maintained it somehow.
Sometimes I think NC makes it worse - I think I obsess about him waaaay too much. I think a lot of it is me trying to make sense of things. I never asked him why - although, I'm sure I'll never understand it.
I hope it does get better in time. I have good days and bad days.
You sound like your staying strong. Despite not having the opportunity to tell him off properly. I really think you got cheated out of that, as I think when someone lies and breaks promises, they deserve to know what they left behind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatisgoingon
I also did the same sort of thing to my MM and he told his best friend who knew about us that he is married to a psycho doesnt want another one...LOL
What a dick. Really. He dumps you, breaks your heart, then complains your "psycho" because you shared your pain that he caused. These guys are unreal.
Do your venting and then just walk away. Don't let them have that power over you. Besides, you should have expected this when you got involved with a married person. I'm an OM myself, so I'm not trying to preach or anything, I just think that getting thrown under the bus should be somewhat expected by anyone in our situation.
Do your venting and then just walk away. Don't let them have that power over you. Besides, you should have expected this when you got involved with a married person. I'm an OM myself, so I'm not trying to preach or anything, I just think that getting thrown under the bus should be somewhat expected by anyone in our situation.
Sorry, I dont agree with this at all.
Your saying that since I knowingly got involved with a MM, that I deserved to be lied to? That I deserved to have him make promises that he would break?
Not buying it.
I had an affair with a MM about 10 years ago that lasted almost a year. He never once told me he was leaving his W, he never once told me he loved me, and he never once made me promises he ended up breaking.
Just because we get involved with married people doesnt mean we should expect nor deserve to be lied to. Being a cheat is one thing, but being a liar is another.
Your saying that since I knowingly got involved with a MM, that I deserved to be lied to? That I deserved to have him make promises that he would break?
Not buying it.
I had an affair with a MM about 10 years ago that lasted almost a year. He never once told me he was leaving his W, he never once told me he loved me, and he never once made me promises he ended up breaking.
Just because we get involved with married people doesnt mean we should expect nor deserve to be lied to. Being a cheat is one thing, but being a liar is another.
No, I did not say that you deserved it. That is twisting my message somewhat. You should have expected it. I think a smoker should expect to have respiratory problems later in life. That does not mean I think they would deserve to get cancer and die an early death. You should expect your vices and secrets to come back and bite you in the ass. It keeps you on your toes and helps maintain a proper perspective.
Being a cheat requires you to be a liar, if your spouse is involved in your life at all. If they are willing to lie to the person that they stood with, in front of god and every person important to them, and pledged their everlasting love to... then you should NEVER assume they wouldn't do the same to you. Save the blind love crap for AFTER they get divorced. Until then, at the end of the day, we are just a piece of action on the side.
Your saying that since I knowingly got involved with a MM, that I deserved to be lied to? That I deserved to have him make promises that he would break?
Not buying it.
I had an affair with a MM about 10 years ago that lasted almost a year. He never once told me he was leaving his W, he never once told me he loved me, and he never once made me promises he ended up breaking.
Just because we get involved with married people doesnt mean we should expect nor deserve to be lied to. Being a cheat is one thing, but being a liar is another.
Umm, no it's not!
And yes, you did deserve to be lied to, just like these MM you sleep with lie to their wives.
It's ok that they lie to the wife and not you?
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Walk away with dignity and remain NC no matter what. I read in another forum and I had to chuckle when I read it but it is so true: There isn't a clearer way of saying F**k You than NC.
Hybrid Mode
