Does this mean that you intend to retire from dating ?
I did go on a dating strike for a number of months but that's been over with for a few months, so no. There are always more fish in the ocean and surprisingly, some can communicate beyond a grunt.
To clarify, here's where I sit in my "stage of life". I'm 33 years old, already divorced from one failed marriage due to cheating and not on my part. I accept full responsibility for settling for a non-compatible personality type. This kind of settling will never happen again.
I don't want to waste time playing games or guessing, with someone who isn't a relationship-style person. Having said that, I need a strong communicator, someone social, consistent and capable of knowing what they want and clearly expressing it. I'm also in no hurry to get married again, unless someone can give me what I need, to make me happy and comfortable, in the relationship.
Not everyone feels this way, which is okay. It's simply what I need, which is also okay.
Covonia, when I was 19, I had just come out of an LTR. There's no one on this planet, who could have made me give up my freedom, at that point in time. Once again, stage in life.
Well, Katie's guy is definitely seeing her as a booty call.
You really need to get these ladies copies of The Rules and He's Just Not That Into You stat.
They all gave it up to the guy's too soon but it might not be to late to salvage if they read and take to heart those books.
Oh, yes, Why Men Love Bitches is even better than those two books and Katie especially will benefit from it.
Well Star Gazer, the only reason I can imagine that women are hesitant to bring up the "talk", as exemplified by your friend mentioning scaring the guy off, is because these particular women that do hesistate fall somewhere in the continuum of needy, insecure, dependent.
I don't use these terms as negative judgments, just at their definitions. Anyone worried about "scaring" a man off at the expense of their own best interest obviously has some intense "need" for validation, however superficial, that can only be provided by having a man that wants to be with them. They probably feel that he will stay around longer if they don't push the issue, when in reality, what they're getting is a man who is given the silent "green light" to do what he wants with her regardless of his long-term intention.
__________________ We may be sitting on the rooftop instead of painting the town pink, but that's a pretty good time in my mind.
They probably feel that he will stay around longer if they don't push the issue, when in reality, what they're getting is a man who is given the silent "green light" to do what he wants with her regardless of his long-term intention.
I totally agree with this.
__________________
Well done is always better than well said.
There's always gonna be another mountain,
and I'm always gonna want to make it move...
I agree that age matters; I'm 36, and 15 years ago I saw things in a much more black-and-white, "you'll just know," "it's in his kiss" sort of way. Sadly, now I'm much more aware of the grey areas - the ones where damn it, the information is plain old conflicting. I respect what you're saying, Covonia, but I think it assumes that the guys in question (and this goes for women too) know themselves what they want and are giving clear signals to that effect. Plenty of times, that isn't the case.
And so much of it comes down to expectations - some people, for example, might interpret not getting a text by noon the day after sex as a brush-off; others (including me) wouldn't blink twice about it. Which is why discussion actually matters - people really do have very different ways of interpreting the exact same information, and that's why "she should know how I feel about her through my actions, for pete's sake" isn't going to cut it all the time.
That said...some actions are loud and clear. Because let's face it, negative actions are far easier to pick up on and interpret than the positive ones!
So, sadly, I think NJ's assessment of your friends' situations is right on, Star. I think there is a lot of truth to the statement that deep down, sometimes you don't want to ask because you aren't ready to hear what you know the answer will be. Sigh, been there. And I think that in most of your friends' cases, they know that if they ask, it won't really be what they want to hear.
I agree that age matters; I'm 36, and 15 years ago I saw things in a much more black-and-white, "you'll just know," "it's in his kiss" sort of way. Sadly, now I'm much more aware of the grey areas - the ones where damn it, the information is plain old conflicting. I respect what you're saying, Covonia, but I think it assumes that the guys in question (and this goes for women too) know themselves what they want and are giving clear signals to that effect. Plenty of times, that isn't the case.
Your post makes a lot of sense, but to me I've always found actions signal more intent. I'll explain. Anyone can say to someone "I love you", but I'd rather show someone "I love them" through actions. Most people will blurt out "I love you", that's nice, but its words, it can carry a deep-rooted and honest meaning, but tell that to someone who has had their heart broken once too often? I'd rather sit down at my desk in the middle of the night with my lamp on writing a poem, or prose, to show my affection/emotion etc. Or I'll take that person to one of my favourite places that means a lot to me personally and share that experience with her. I like to show someone how I feel, through actions, because that's my personality. When I was a small boy I used to ask a lot of questions, such as why is the grass green, why is the sky blue, how do birds soar through the soft clouds on a fine summer's day. I then decided to find out why these things happened, so naturally it is easier for me to convey how I feel about someone by showing them how I feel through my actions, it sounds daft and words of a hopeless romantic, but that's just me.
I like to invite someone into my world, and into my mind, how I feel and how I think and I find it easier to show them, rather than tell them. And if they can't see it, then that's their loss isn't it? They just don't understand me and aren't what I'm looking for, I know it sounds profound, but I'd sooner be like how I am then whisper and shout cliched words from my mouth.
Conversation is a vital neccesity in life, but sometimes it's better when you don't say anything at all. It's like people who say I want to go on holiday? They will ponder over this and plan it. I don't, I pick a place on a map, see if I have the funds (if I do) I then book the holiday for a weeks time, people call it stupidity, I call it impluse, implusiveness is good, the world should live on impluse, life's too short to waste time (again cliches) but that's how it goes.
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June 8, 2010 
I respect what you're saying, Covonia, but I think it assumes that the guys in question (and this goes for women too) know themselves what they want and are giving clear signals to that effect. Plenty of times, that isn't the case.
Hybrid Mode
