[Neofire]

Hi all, new to this!!. Was looking for help online so hope I find some decent helpful people here.

Don't mean to go on so please bear with me, its hard to explain.

I love my wife and can't imagine life without her, I also have two step children and one of my own (she's gorgeous!!!), the problem is that for years we have clashed over everything and had a hard time of it financially. She is a very strong person and my heart is weak in comparison, I get hurt very easily and she uses this to her advantage, shows no emotion at the time which I can't cope with.

I have often thought about leaving but worry myself sick about her on her own, as I said I do love her and care very much for her. Also I worry that my children (6, 11 and 15) may grow to hate me for leaving them.

We have had alot going on and alot of hurt in our relationship over the past 11 years, and this has taken it's toll on me, I can't quite look at her with the same adoration anymore and now something else has happened and I am a wreck thinking about what is right and what I should do.

A few months ago I met someone whom is in a similar situation to me, she does not love her husband and he has been physically abusive to her which has driven her to leave him, though not yet. We got talking about our situation together and I now have really strong feelings for her, we haven't had sex but just held each other a few times (sounds sad anno!!!!) and it felt amazing. She now tells me she loves me and wants to be with me, and to be honest I feel the same way, this brings me to my question..........

I love my wife, fact!!!. But until I met this other girl I thought I was in love with her, even though our relationship has been really stormy I still had strong feelings. I am now afraid that its a different kind of love as the love a feel for the other person is pain, not being with her is killing me although we haven't had a proper relationship.

I am soft and don't want to hurt my wife, we both have faults and she is still a lovely person deep down, I just don't think I am able to offer her the kind of love we once had. I have never been unfaithful to her and don't want to be, only if I leave will anything happen with the other person. The thought of leaving scares me ****less but the thought of not being with the other person is killing me also, jeez do I sound that bad??, any advice please, has anyone been in a similar situation and survived to tell the tale, happy or sad??

I haven't let myself go, I am strong and well built, very fit, sex has always been amazing and varied and I think she still loves me, though I don't feel it. Is it possible to love someone through habit???, I don't know and I'm very confused as you can probably tell by the thread, sorry for moaning on folks but please help me make sense to all this, am I a bad person?? Is it possible I am IN LOVE with the other person and that I LOVE my wife in more of a caring way? I am not happy, maybe If we change our life we could be, but then I could miss out on real happiness with someone else and never know.

Food for thought..