[Alpha Female]

Originally Posted by LucreziaBorgia

As for his choice, I don't think he chose either you or his W. He chose himself.

Yes, this is very true. He did. Always did, right? Always will, Im sure.

I think if he was feeling sexually unfulfilled in his M, he would be chosing OW that he has sex with more often. His last affair, of one year, only resulted in having sex with her one time. Not really the actions of a MM who is looking for sex on the side to spice up his M, does it? As far as we go, if we had sex once every week or two weeks, that was a lot. My xMM was not looking for hot and wild sex. He was seeking an emotional connection, and made sure he got it. When we first starting hanging out, I was fine with just the sex. Next thing I know, he's romancing me. Showing up with his guitar, playing and singing for me songs he wrote about me, leaving flowers on my doorstep, etc. He really went out of his way to ensure we had something more than sex. Though I do agree with your point, it really didnt apply to him. His focus wasnt sex.

Originally Posted by Confused4Now

I think when I went NC back in May I went through all the anger and rage from trying to figure out what happened. However when she came back into my life in August saying she was ready and things were going to start moving forward. I felt myself not really trusting her....so when I began NC again recently....I'm not experiencing the anger or the rage as much if not at all. I think it's the "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I think I held something back so I wouldn't have to experience all that emotion.

Yes, thats exactly how I feel! I know he will surface when he suspects my anger has subsided. As it is he reached out to me a few times after we fought this weekend, so I know him and his patterns, and know he will be back at some point when he thinks its safe. But like you said, even if he were to show up with signed divorce papers and a boat load of apologies, I feel like Id be the biggest chump in the world to take him back. I feel like he would pull away again the next time he got spooked.

Honestly, I feel like this is my karma coming back to haunt me. I keep thinking of recent ex's that I did this with. Knee-jerked, didnt mean it, then tried to re-engage them. I now really get why they were reluctant to trust me again. Its hard to trust someone after breaking their heart.

I really dont have any rage or anger left towards him. Sadness, disappointment, but also a great clarity. Which is priceless.