[midori]

I think that maybe instead of focusing on what your ex may or may not want, you need to think about what you want, and what you find acceptable.

Right, so you'd like to save the relationship, get back together. Have you been clear on that point, or have you been kind of hanging back, taking a wait-and-see stance? Don't put yourself in limbo. Don't try to get her to see that she wants what you want. She'll figure out what she wants, it's not something that you can facilitate or influence by sticking around with your fingers crossed. I understand you're not just sitting home by yourself, you're doing other things. But you're not being proactive in this relationship.

If I were you I would tell her something like this: I would like to have our romantic relationship back. If you're not into that, I understand. I'm not sure how much I will want to be in touch with you if that's the case, because of course I need to be able to move on if we're not getting back together right now. And if we're not getting back together, I would like to have my class ring and promise ring returned right away please. No hard feelings there, but obviously if we're not together those are not things that should be in your possession. I'm sure you understand.

If you say something like that, something that directly states what you want and what you feel, you will free yourself from wondering and waiting. You won't be trying to manipulate her if you're just honest about what you want (and honest with yourself too, that's very important).

You might say: but I'd rather wait and see, stay in limbo for a little while if she just needs some time to make up her mind. Really? How much time would you be willing to give? How will you feel if the "time off" turns out to be "goodbye" because she starts something up with another guy.

I'm not suggesting that you want to break up with her, of course you don't. But if you can't have a) getting back together, then ultimately you want b) moving on and getting over her. Those are your two choices.

It's hard to remember that we can't know what's going on in another person's mind. It's hard to remember that people won't always see things the way that we do, even if it seems perfectly obvious that we're right. And most of all, we can't make up other people's minds for them. Believe me, I have struggled with such problems for a long time. Even if we're quite sure we're right and that sooner or later the person in question will come to see things our way, it's impossible to force them to see anything, nor even to coax them. They'll see it when and if they're ready. All we can do is figure out what we want ourselves, be honest about it, and accept that sometimes we don't get what we want, but at least we know we gave it our best shot.