Feeling terrible about one-night stand

BillG

Hey guys,

Let me start by saying that I am a young (23), rather reserved and rational man. I have many friends who are women, but I have rarely had any serious relationship with any. My friends usually see me as the smart one, and the conscience they are sometimes lacking

Obviously, if word about what happened two nights ago gets out, this will change a little. On that night, I went out with a friend of mine to an Aussie bar where I met this friendly and rather cute girl. After chatting for a while, and drinking one too many beer, we somehow started kissing. We ended up in my place where the kissing continued; then kissing turned to fooling around some more, then we ended in bed.

Both of us didn't have any experience in this kind of thing, so it was a little awkward. I was left leading (me, leading?) and didn't know too much what to do. There were good times, and good new (!) feelings too, but it wasn't very satisfying, both physically and psychologically. Btw, we didn't go "all the way". The morning after I accompanied her to the subway station, we kissed goodbye but didn't exchange numbers.

She did look cuter the night before

This whole experience leaves me completely dumbfounded and with strange feelings. It just didn't feel right. It didn't feel right because I didn't know what to do in bed, because she didn't seem to enjoy it that much, because I didn't enjoy it that much either, and because it wasn't like me at all to do that kind of thing. I'm wondering if I pushed her to do anything she didn't want to do, if I went too fast. I'm worried that this experience makes me a bad person. I'm also worried that next times (sober, not-rushed, and hopefully loving next times!) will be worse or just not that good.

I'm writing all these questions and I already know what a lot of you will say: "You were thinking too much about it then, and you're still thinking too much about it now". It's true. But "then" is gone and I can't change it; "now" I need to get closure. This is how I am

What's your take on this one guys? I'd love to have your opinion to help me see through this more clearly.

Thanks a lot!
Bill