[So_Bona_To_Vada]

Hello,

I really hope someone can help with my problem. Id really like anyones perspecive or advice especially if you've been in this situation - and preferable overcome it!

Im in a relationship with a wonderful women. She really is the most perfect woman in the world to me and to me is really 'the one'. Our relationship started as freinds but has progressed since then but theres a problem holding us back and really threatening our being together and even threatens whether we can be friends again.

Im 22 now. When I was 19 I had my first relationship with a woman who was kind of rubbish. She wasnt particuarly attractive or intelligent and had been very several men before me. This was the woman I lost my virginity to. I really really regret it now but thats what happened. At the time I really was going thru a spell of terrible insecurity and I guess thats why i did it although thats not much of an excuse. I really regret it as she really wasnt a very high standard of girlfriend. We were going out a couple of months.

The problem is that the wonderful women im seeing now, who is the only other person ive had sex with after the rubbish girl is VERY insecure and really hates it that I slept with someone so poor. She always believed and dreamed that her dream man would have waited for her and not slept with anyone else until her. She wants her perfect man to have the highest of standards so that she can feel more secure and better about herself. The idea is that no other woman would have ever met the standard so by the fact she met the standard she is the only one he could ever want to be with.

Its really two problems, on one hand the fact that Ive slept with anyone before makes her feel really awful as it means that in the past there was someone i could get hard for and turned on enough to sleep with so it makes her feel like shes not special. Since she really wanted someone to wait for her its very hard for her to deal with that I was with someone before.

The second part of the problem is the fact that the first woman i was with was so rubbish. She's seen a picture of her and so knows she wasnt attractive so she feels awful about herself that I could sleep with someone of such a low standard. She thinks that if I would sleep with someone so rubbish that means she's rubbish too. She feels like she didnt have to pass a high standard to be with me which makes her feel so low in herself. Also there was the fact that my previous girlfriend wasnt too clever and had slept around a bit which is again makes her feel like she hasnt had to meet any sort of standard to be with me.

Ive tried almost everything i can think of. Ive told her that even tho I slept with the rubbish girl i was just really messed up back then and no1 like that would ever meet my standard now. She wont accept this as she rightly says that even tho i felt bad about myself it was no excuse to sleep with someone rubbish.

I constantly remind her and tell her how much more attractive she is, how much better in bed she is, how much of a better body she has but for her the fact remains that if i could sleep with someone else my complements mean nothing.

The thing she wants more than anything in the whole world is for me to have lost my virginity with her. To her my past girlfriend has something from me that i'll never be able to give to her. She feels that whatever I do I'll never be able to give her more than i did my past girlfriend as i'll never be able to lose my virginity with her.

Its breaking her apart and its killing me that I cant find a way to help her. Has anyone got any ideas on either things I can do to make her feel better or things she can do to stop feeling so bad.

Id really love a reply from a woman who has a similar outlook to my girlfriend and who can maybe offer some advice that helped her. Any advice is good advice tho.

Thanks for taking the time to read my problems

James