[clia]

I'm sorry, but if you are looking for someone who will revolve their life around you, you are lacking in self esteem. No one with any degree of self confidence or self esteem bases their entire life on another person, or expects that other person to be the center of their life. There is a difference between being a high or top priority and life's center. People with high confidence and self esteem have their own life. They have careers, jobs, friends, and activities that occur outside of their relationship. This does not mean that they value their relationship any less than anyone else. It just means that they have a life. Based on experiences I've seen in my life, with my friends who have been in relationships and have gotten married, there is a higher level of success in those who have lives of their own OUTSIDE of the relationship. Just because you are in a relationship does not mean that you need to spend every second of every day together, nor that you need to base every decision you ever make on another person.

I personally think it extremely selfish for anyone to expect to be the "center" of anyone else's world. It's one thing to be a high (or even top) priority--it's something else entirely to be the center of their universe. Believe me, I have been in a situation where someone else's world revolved around me, and it was not fun. Sure, it was flattering, but I never felt like I could just go do things or he would be offended. He would be hurt. He had to call me to make sure I didn't want to do something before he made plans with his friends. Those type of people are clingy with a capital C. After the flattery wears off, it gets intrusive, annoying, and hard to deal with.

Unless, of course, you find someone who wants the exact same thing you do. Well guess what? I know couples like that as well, and as time wears on, they realize all they have is each other and they get bored. When you always do things together and base your life only on each other, you run out of things to talk about. You run out of individual goals and needs and wants. You run out of the ability to be able to function on your own and to have fun on your own. You instead turn into *that person* who is calling their spouse every three seconds when they are apart. Hey, you came into this world alone and you die alone. Being in a relationship is being a unit in a sense, but it does not mean that you lose yourself in the process. When someone else becomes the center of your world, you lose yourself.

Now, for you, that may be what you want. To me, it spells insecurity left and right. It's insecurity when you can't trust your significant other, regardless. When you aren't insecure in the relationship, your boyfriend/girlfriend can spend an entire evening talking to a person of the opposite sex, and it won't phase you at all. You can do the same, and it won't phase them at all. Insecurity is what leads to mistrust, and to the controlling aspects that force you to want someone else's world to revolve around you, or vice versa. Insecurity occurs when there is a lack of communication in the relationship, when you are questioning how the other person feels about you. Lack of trust occurs in the same way. When you are secure in a relationship, you are not sitting around thinking about hypothetical situations or thinking about whether or not you can trust your significant other. You just do.