[silverMoon]

Hi. I'm quite new here. I've been browsing the site for some time, although this is the first time I posted something.

I've been wondering about something for few months now. For your info, I'll be 27 this year and presently, I'm continuing my studies. I've been in relationships before but it's been a few years since the last one.

There's this one lecturer, that I'm interested in. He's 9 or 10 years older than me and he is married with kids. It's not that we're having a romantic relationship or something like that, but there is a kind of special relationship between us.

I'm not sure about my feelings toward him. I'm very fond of him and maybe more. I can't really testify to his feelings about me. We've never talked about it. But, he does treat me differently from others.

There is a kind of "push-pull" relationship between us. I think it comes from the fact that we both know that we're not going anywhere. If one of us pulls back, the other will pull him/her. If one gets to close, the other will push him/her back. So, we're kinda stuck in this position.

I don't want to be in a relationship with him. It goes against my principle. But, I can't stop my feelings from escalating. I'm afraid I'm being too obvious. I get jealous if I see him talking to other women. I feel irritated if I think he's not paying attention to me. I can't stop thinking about him.